Socially-inept-person-contactitis is like a bad rash in the wrong place, or an evil so piercing, you need an exorcist to free you. No matter how many showers you take, you can’t feel clean again. YES………That’s the kind of negative impact some people have. AND…….You’re thinking about some of them now. Aren’t you? I know you are.

Make no mistake. Whoever comes to mind…….there are thousands more like them. These people can live anywhere, be any age, any intellect, any gender and any nationality. They are either born with a social stutter or acquire one through personal experience. You may be married to a socially inept person. HEY……..CHIN UP! Love is blind, deaf and dumb. SO……..You’re forgiven, but good luck getting off that sinking ship. BUT…..It helps if you’re just as socially lethal. In that case, you both make a lovely couple…….of annoying asses.

Dictionary.com defines inept as:

1. without skill or aptitude for a particular task or assignment
2. generally awkward or clumsy; haplessly incompetent.
3. inappropriate; unsuitable; out of place.
4. absurd or foolish: an inept remark.

Social competence requires the correct balance between the following:

• Personality: cold dead fish vs. Where’s the off button?
• Spirit: stick too far up the ass vs. Put it back in your pants.
• Humor: Rated G vs. Rated XXX
• Personal Information: squeezing blood out of a turnip vs. Wow! Those kids really tore your vagina up.
• Personal Space: You won’t catch cooties. vs. You hair is stuck in my zipper.
• Bragging Rights: I’m such a loser. I should be dead. vs. Here is my résumé to get into heaven or on a reality show.
• Appearance: invisible vs. flashing lights

Areas where there is no balance. There is only 100% commitment:

• Honesty
• Respect
• Civility
• Manners
• Morals
• Ethics

The only cure for socially-inept-person-contactitis is distance and time. The distance thing is a no-brainer, but time is necessary for the hanger-ons. Due to their social ineptness, they don’t realize it’s time to move on and leave well enough alone. We’ll pretend that your name is Well Enough. It’s like training a dog, but not breasts. Let’s face it. The name training bra makes no sense. You can’t train your breasts to stay up permanently, and not without plastic surgery. Like a dog, you need to be patient and consistent. Any deviation from the plan, will cause horrendous repercussions. Don’t be alarmed. As long as you stick to the plan and don’t  scratch, the swelling will go down and the itching will go away.

SADLY………..There is no way to prevent this disease from infecting you in the future. There is no surefire way to detect the onset, and symptoms only appear after having direct contact for a period of time. This is because “socially intelligent” people try to give the benefit of the doubt. By the time you realize there is no hope, you have been infected. If this happens: Continue with the distance and time regimen.