Before the kids were home for the summer, I was going to the YMCA quite regularly……kickboxing, running, weights and some cycling. Summer hit and that went south quick. BUT………..To my delight, I still lost weight. I guess my move to watered down beer finally made a difference on my waistline. On a whim………I tried on a pair of jeans, I haven’t been able to wear for over four years. Low and behold, they fit! WELL………They fit as far as I’m concerned. I pulled those suckers up over my lower thighs and knew. I got them over the remaining thighs and the backend. SO………Here’s where I tweaked the fit a bit. Could I zip and button them? Well………I suppose. BUT………In order to breathe…..….I couldn’t. I zipped those suckers up, then used a rubber band to loop around the button, through the hole and back around the button. I rigged those bitches and it worked. AND………Thanks to the return of the 80’s, I layered myself with two different tank tops and a mid-drift shirt that fell in just the right spot. Something had to hide the hideous muffin top those jeans created. Did I care? HELL NO! I got into those damn jeans and without a camel toe. I call that……….”A great success”. Maybe in a month or so, ……..I’ll be able to use the actual button……..no rubber band required.

SO………….My unsightly muffin top got me to thinking. Why did I feel the need to hide it?

Well………Because:

1. No one wants to see that shit.

2. I don’t want anyone to see that shit.

3. Muffin top models haven’t been approved on runways yet.

BUT……….If my muffin top was replaced with a nice flat stomach or some six pack abs, then I would gladly flaunt them. In fact, people would ask to see them and touch them.

I suppose society isn’t ready to take a hold of some love handles or ask to bounce on someone’s chunky belly or fat ass. BUT……..They don’t feel shy saying they could bounce a quarter off a nice tight one. People like to touch augmented breasts as well, but no one wants to touch the “drooping to the ground” breasts that swing from left to right like a pendulum. Why not? It sounds like more fun. AND………Why touch a pregnant woman’s belly? Is it because there is something growing in there? Why not ask to feel up inside a nose or ear? You’d be surprised at the crap some people have growing in there. Why lick shots off a belly when you could lick snot off a lip? Why hang on someone’s biceps when you could fly with someone’s bat wings?

Just saying people. Just saying.