Before the kids were home for the summer, I was going to the YMCA quite regularly……kickboxing, running, weights and some cycling. Summer hit and that went south quick. BUT………..To my delight, I still lost weight. I guess my move to watered down beer finally made a difference on my waistline. On a whim………I tried on a pair of jeans, I haven’t been able to wear for over four years. Low and behold, they fit! WELL………They fit as far as I’m concerned. I pulled those suckers up over my lower thighs and knew. I got them over the remaining thighs and the backend. SO………Here’s where I tweaked the fit a bit. Could I zip and button them? Well………I suppose. BUT………In order to breathe…..….I couldn’t. I zipped those suckers up, then used a rubber band to loop around the button, through the hole and back around the button. I rigged those bitches and it worked. AND………Thanks to the return of the 80’s, I layered myself with two different tank tops and a mid-drift shirt that fell in just the right spot. Something had to hide the hideous muffin top those jeans created. Did I care? HELL NO! I got into those damn jeans and without a camel toe. I call that……….”A great success”. Maybe in a month or so, ……..I’ll be able to use the actual button……..no rubber band required.
SO………….My unsightly muffin top got me to thinking. Why did I feel the need to hide it?
1. No one wants to see that shit.
2. I don’t want anyone to see that shit.
3. Muffin top models haven’t been approved on runways yet.
BUT……….If my muffin top was replaced with a nice flat stomach or some six pack abs, then I would gladly flaunt them. In fact, people would ask to see them and touch them.
I suppose society isn’t ready to take a hold of some love handles or ask to bounce on someone’s chunky belly or fat ass. BUT……..They don’t feel shy saying they could bounce a quarter off a nice tight one. People like to touch augmented breasts as well, but no one wants to touch the “drooping to the ground” breasts that swing from left to right like a pendulum. Why not? It sounds like more fun. AND………Why touch a pregnant woman’s belly? Is it because there is something growing in there? Why not ask to feel up inside a nose or ear? You’d be surprised at the crap some people have growing in there. Why lick shots off a belly when you could lick snot off a lip? Why hang on someone’s biceps when you could fly with someone’s bat wings?
Just saying people. Just saying.
11 thoughts on “Can I touch it? Can I touch it?”
I cannot help being a big ass. I have not gone to the gym.
Oh, yeah, my comment. I’ve forgotten it now. But let me just tell you, it was hilarious.
Thank you for that elastic band tip. I am off to see how many things I can squish my big butt, wide hips and drooping unbalanced boobs into. You should patent that.
Maybe I’ll work on a better system and go on Sharktank.
Pony grips. I watched my nanny do it when I helped her with a pair of channel locks to zip up.
Now that….is determination.
I think if you drive by one, then it counts.
I don’t know what my response was to your forgotten comment, but it was hysterically inappropriate.
You are always hysterically inappropriate!
Okay, that was just so wrong. So glad you are back with us.
Me too. Planning to check out what you guys have been slapping up on the net soon. I’m starting an online course tonight, but I think the busier I am….the more I can get done. Does that make sense? time management or some kind of crap like that.
Not even with a 10 foot pole. Ha, Ha i’m lieing i’m a dude we will touch anything. Man rule: 8-80 blind, cripple or crazy it’s on…..
You just can’t help yourself…..you animal.