Dating Dads: DON’TS for Complete Morons

In case there is any confusion: I am not a licensed therapist. For that matter,  I’m not even an unlicensed therapist. I am not a bartender, a psychology major, or an expert on ANY topic. Everything you read (if you can), is based on personal experience. NO……I am not a transsexual. BUT…….I have a dad, my kids have a dad and I’ve dated someone’s dad. SO THERE!

  • DON’T: Introduce your new girlfriend to the kids, when mommy doesn’t even know the marriage isn’t working out.
  • DON’T: Tell your kids (while crying over the phone) you can’t spend Christmas with them because you are overseas.  AND then……Spend 2 weeks over the holidays with your new girlfriend in the states, while taking a detour less than an hour from where your kids live.
  • DON’T: Marry someone so they can get custody of their kids. Did it occur to you, she lost them for a reason? BUT……What a grand idea to make that “lady” your kid’s new mommy.
  • DONT: Get married to someone in secret and let your kids find out (over a year later) because they overheard you talking about it. If you are ashamed……Well? Can we say “red flag”?
  • DON’T: Use shameless methods to get your wife back, LIKE……Getting your kids excited about the brother or sister they are going to have when you and your estranged wife adopt. By the way, she never heard that idea.
  • DON’T: In the span of 3 weeks…….meet someone in person one time
    • decide you love them
    • buy a ring
    • tell your kids she is moving in
    • tell them you are getting married
    • plan a family vacation
    • tell the ex-wife all of this and tell her how awesome this person is
    • …….THEN…….One day later……find out she went to a casino with some guy via Facebook
    • decide you hate her
    • tell your kids what a tramp she is
    • send the ring back
    • cancel the family vacation
    • tell your kids it just didn’t work out
    • ……AND then…… Reassure your ex-wife that: this woman will not be in the children’s life, you are currently talking to 3 other women, your divorce from your estranged wife should be final in a few weeks……..SO…..….Everything is fine.
  • DON’T: Tell your kids you can’t take them out to dinner because their mom takes all your money.
  • DON’T: Send your kids to visit their mom for the summer and refuse to get them plane tickets back. WHY? Your girlfriend doesn’t like them and she already gave her daughter, your daughter’s room.
  • DON’T: Blame your kids for your break-up.

SO……For those morons out there, who do not need to be anyone’s dad: Keep it in your pants or wrap it up.

Don’t worry. If the times it takes you to find your tiny guy doesn’t give you ample time to change your mind…….THEN……I’m sure someone sells little condoms.

AND…..IF you are too moronic to remember or too busy listening to the little dude in your pants…..Just know……

Father’s Day may not be your holiday!


31 thoughts on “Dating Dads: DON’TS for Complete Morons

  1. Are these seriously scenarios that you have witnessed and/or experienced? Seriously? Wow. I’m gonna catch flies with how wide my mouth is hanging open. Sometimes men are dumb. Women, too, but right now, men take the cake.


  2. Lorre, any bets those two morons don’t see themselves that way? The fact is, those morons don’t and won’t. The other fact is, morons are arrogant MORONS no matter what “other” characteristics they may wish to deceive women with, like money, fancy cars, $5,000.00 suits and the inevitable arrogant, smart-ass attitude. The truth always comes out–they are usually dumber than a bag of rusty hammers ~R


  3. Very sad that these things have occurred to you, someone we all know, and yet they continue to happen. Some people are just … there aren’t words harsh enough to describe that kind of behavior.

    Bottom line … it’s just plain SELFISHNESS! How can one teach kids not to be selfish when they are the worst possible examples?


    1. I am happy to say….I am “almost” all grown up and don’t have to deal with such things from my childhood, but my kids…..That’s another story.

      There is a big difference though.

      1: I have protected them from a lot of truths, so as to not damage their little hearts.( I grew up knowing all.)

      2: They seem to be desensitized to what they do know…..and that is quite sad. (I always expected more and got hurt. They seem to expect very little and bounce quite nicely.)

      3: They have a “fairly” secure mom and wonderful step-dad for support. (I had none of that.)…Hmmmmm? Maybe that’s why they bounce well.


      1. Well….I am helping them with the nonsense. Most of the above post is about their father and I’m sure as the years go on….there will be more to add.


  4. There is no excuse for not using a condom. For guys who have such small penises, there is even a product. Have you seen those little rubber finger guards????? That’ll do.

    So glad your life has changed course, Lorre.


    1. I doubt anyone reading this post will admit to having a little penis, but I bet you just helped some guys out. Thanks for the info.
      Yes. This course is working out much better.


  5. Lorre, It had to be said … and I thank you for saying it. I could add a few more scenarios for you but I think you made the point quite well. Seriously, not every man should breed. I say breed because having good swimmers does not make you a Dad.
    This will always be my favourite “Father’s Day” post. Thank you.


    1. Some have merit, some should be celebrated everyday and some….well….they just don’t make sense.
      I’m sure Hallmark execs would say: “Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.”…..Of course, they are saying this while counting their money.


    1. Thanks. I do hope I prevented some poor soul from making the same mistakes with my insightful post. I mean really….if I had a dime for every smuck, who got married in secret or had an entire relationship in a 3 week span that should have lasted a few years……..


  6. Don’t tell your kids your therapist told you that you needed alone time so you can’t take them with you when you move out.

    Don’t tell your kids you have a potentially fatal disease and will be in the hospital for a few months with no phone.

    Don’t tell your kids your kids they owe you for all the times you had to pay child support and so they should let your drunk ass live in their house free.

    I have more!


    1. Disgusting! A bunch of us should get together and make a book of them all. It may actually be a series.
      The lack of accountability is frightening. How do they live with themselves?


  7. This had me reading with both eyebrows raised, saying “you’re effing kidding me”.
    Your kids are lucky they have a mother who cares enough to shield them from this.
    And it’s a crime that you had to.


    1. Thanks for the compliment.

      It helps that some of the list has to do with my childhood. I had enough shameful experiences to better handle and spin the situations my kids are dealing with….well….would be, if they knew about them all.

      My mom wasn’t around (physically or emotionally) when I was growing up, so I just had to figure it out myself. I’m glad my children don’t need to do that. AND….True be told, my ex should send me thank you cards every month for keeping the kids from knowing the truth, but that would mean he’d have to acknowledge what he’s doing. I guess I won’t be getting chocolates anytime soon.


  8. lol. This would be really funny if it weren’t so true!!! Hopefully a few of them are listening, but I’m sure they’re thinking how someone else could use this article. Angie


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