In case there is any confusion: I am not a licensed therapist. For that matter, I’m not even an unlicensed therapist. I am not a bartender, a psychology major, or an expert on ANY topic. Everything you read (if you can), is based on personal experience. NO……I am not a transsexual. BUT…….I have a dad, my kids have a dad and I’ve dated someone’s dad. SO THERE!
- DON’T: Introduce your new girlfriend to the kids, when mommy doesn’t even know the marriage isn’t working out.
- DON’T: Tell your kids (while crying over the phone) you can’t spend Christmas with them because you are overseas. AND then……Spend 2 weeks over the holidays with your new girlfriend in the states, while taking a detour less than an hour from where your kids live.
- DON’T: Marry someone so they can get custody of their kids. Did it occur to you, she lost them for a reason? BUT……What a grand idea to make that “lady” your kid’s new mommy.
- DONT: Get married to someone in secret and let your kids find out (over a year later) because they overheard you talking about it. If you are ashamed……Well? Can we say “red flag”?
- DON’T: Use shameless methods to get your wife back, LIKE……Getting your kids excited about the brother or sister they are going to have when you and your estranged wife adopt. By the way, she never heard that idea.
- DON’T: In the span of 3 weeks…….meet someone in person one time
- decide you love them
- buy a ring
- tell your kids she is moving in
- tell them you are getting married
- plan a family vacation
- tell the ex-wife all of this and tell her how awesome this person is
- …….THEN…….One day later……find out she went to a casino with some guy via Facebook
- decide you hate her
- tell your kids what a tramp she is
- send the ring back
- cancel the family vacation
- tell your kids it just didn’t work out
- ……AND then…… Reassure your ex-wife that: this woman will not be in the children’s life, you are currently talking to 3 other women, your divorce from your estranged wife should be final in a few weeks……..SO…..….Everything is fine.
- DON’T: Tell your kids you can’t take them out to dinner because their mom takes all your money.
- DON’T: Send your kids to visit their mom for the summer and refuse to get them plane tickets back. WHY? Your girlfriend doesn’t like them and she already gave her daughter, your daughter’s room.
- DON’T: Blame your kids for your break-up.
SO……For those morons out there, who do not need to be anyone’s dad: Keep it in your pants or wrap it up.
Don’t worry. If the times it takes you to find your tiny guy doesn’t give you ample time to change your mind…….THEN……I’m sure someone sells little condoms.
AND…..IF you are too moronic to remember or too busy listening to the little dude in your pants…..Just know……
Father’s Day may not be your holiday!