Okay……..So my creativity, if you want to call it that, is being used for another purpose today. I can’t reveal that purpose, because some powerful people may be implicated and it could cause a change in daylight savings time (like it did the last time I spilled the beans). BUT…….Since February is the month of “love”, “women scorned” and “stalkers”, I can’t go without posting something special. I am going to reheat a post leftover that I feel expresses love in its most authentic form. NOW……I would’ve called it recycled, but let’s face it, this is more of a pollutant to our earth and our people. Sorry I didn’t have time to shop and cook something new. Enjoy the leftovers or starve!
Stupid Bitch (10/11)
So…..I have been going through all my papers and I found a lot of very bitter crap. What a shocker! I found a poem or song…I’m really not sure . I’m assuming I wrote this during one of my sucky first marriage moments. I have a separate blog for poetry and short stories, but this just seemed to fit more on this blog.
Stupid bitch, stupid bitch
It’s your fault for believing that shit
You got the itch..had to have true love
Didn’t care that he wasn’t enough
You had your dreams
He had his escape
You kept giving and he would take
“I told you so” doesn’t seem to be enough
So damn blind in the name of love
You sit at home and wait for the phone
Stupid bitch…..stupid bitch
You are so damn stupid
Here you are all alone
Nothing left, but an empty home
Suck it up…..you’re to blame
Gave your heart, it’s a crying shame
Stop crying…there’s no time
Life can’t wait ’cause love is blind
Thinking…give it another try
Then you deserve to cry
Get cozy with the lies
Next time you get that itch
Remember…don’t be a stupid bitch
This poem or whatever…proves that self loathing does not work. Afterall, I believe I stayed in that relationship for more years to come. I suffered from that horrific itch over and over again. I thought it was love, but now I know it was more than likely an STD passed on from all his lady friends. I finally found that special cream to get that creepy itch to go away. I found it between sections “You screw more than a construction worker” and “You tell more stories than hollywood”.
I have to laugh because I also found a brainstorming list to a book I never wrote. Based on the contents, I wrote it after meeting this man and was so blinded with “love” that I thought I knew something about romance worth sharing.
So here it is with my response to my 24-year-old self.
The Search (what to look for, what to avoid, where to go, where not to go, what to wear and how to behave)
Search Over? (how do you know, saying I love you, making the committment, engagement, planning wedding, reception, honeymoon, life forever)
First…I had to wipe the vomit off my shirt after typing and rereading this garbage. I seriously didn’t partake in drugs, but I sure sound like I’m high.
My mom was never around to give me advice and quite frankly, ill-equipped to do so. I can only think about what I would tell my own daughter, who is nine, and hopefully a long way from any type of romantic relationship.