If you read yesterday’s post, then you know I’m pondering my relationship with my daily alcohol consumption.
AM I AN ALCOHOLIC? I don’t have a strong craving for alcohol. I’m not physically dependant for survival, although it does help to be a better person. Seriously, you should meet me when I’m not drinking. I can limit myself…if I want to do so. Unless of course I get drunk and then I’m not in charge anymore. ANSWER: No
DO I HAVE AN ALCOHOL ABUSE PROBLEM? Oh wait…..I did pour some of my beer out the other day. Okay….I’m a damn alcohol waster. BUT….I don’t let it interfere with my home life or relationships with people. If they don’t fucking like the way I drink they can step off or get a bottle to the head. I don’t drink and take part in dangerous situations. Although, I have been known to think while drinking and some have told me that puts all in a precarious place. There was also that Kama Sūtra moment, but we don’t want to go there. Okay…you do, but I don’t. AND…..No legal problems have resulted from my drinking. Although, it might be considered a crime to have hooked up with some of the losers I did in college due to alcohol tunnel vision. ANSWER: No
AM I A DRUNK? When I drink, my brain function isn’t impaired to the point where I have poor judgment. I never pissed in the corner or my dresser drawer, just in my pants. However, a sneeze induced moment because you’ve had kids doesn’t count. My judgment is spot on, although some of my postings may have you questioning this. It doesn’t cut my reaction time. Of course, when I drink now, I’m at home doing this blog or watching television. BUT…..I’m pretty sure I type just as fast and my eyes still blink the same amount of times. I don’t lose my balance and my motor skills are good. Although, I’m not really paying attention. When I get up, I’m getting another beer and my brain function is slightly impaired, so I’m not too sure. My speech is not slurred (not on a nightly basis), but again, everyone is asleep so I only have myself to talk to. I think I sound okay. ANSWER: No. Although, I won’t lie. I was drunk 1x in the last eight months (the fault of my bitch friend per last post…) when this nightly drinking thing happened upon me. See how I pass the buck there? That’s something a drunk would say.
AM I A CLOSET DRINKER? There was a time, but the closet was almost as big as a room. I don’t hide the fact that I drink. I may have hidden my alcohol before, but that’s because I’m friends with a bunch of drunks. ANSWER: No
AM I A SOCIAL/CASUAL DRINKER? Have I had drinks at other people’s homes or had people over for drinks? Yes, but a social drinker does not intend to get drunk. I’ve never set out to get drunk when I have some drinks, but that “does not intend” leaves a lot of room to screw up. ANSWER: Yes
DO I DRINK IN MODERATION? Well, I thought so, but not according to the Dietary Guidelines of America. I’d like the opinions of some non-americans here. Apparently, these tight asses say that heavy drinking is anything more than 1 drink per day for women and 2 drinks per day for men. ANSWER: No. This kind of news makes me want to drink more excessively, get drunk and rob a liquor store. After all, I’m already a heavy drinker.
AM I A BINGE DRINKER? Those bastards who came up with the Dietary Guidelines of America, while drunk off their asses at the local bar, say that I might be. Binge drinking is 5 or more drinks for men and 4 or more drinks for women in a 2 hour period. The bastards that be, say this usually leads to a blood alcohol concentration of 0.08%. I’m guessing it depends on what you’re actually drinking. ANSWER: Yes, per the bastards that be.
CONCLUSION: I am a social drinker, who doesn’t intend to get drunk, but has allowed this to happen because I don’t know how to drink in moderation. This has led to binge drinking on occasion and sometimes in a closet . When I discover I’ve had enough, I may abuse alcohol by pouring it down the sink. Hmmmmm. My only consolation is that I drink beer water: Budweiser Select 55 with a 2.4% alcohol content, 55 calories and only 1.9 carbs. This is a beer I can drink excessively and still feel good about it in the morning.
If there are any mistakes in this post, have a drink and get over it.
35 thoughts on “Part 2: If it stumbles like a drunk……….(WARNING: post rambles on)”
Well, I’ll drink to this post, the last post and to all posts going forward and backward in time, from this day on. *CHEERS*
(side note. Several weeks ago I had drinks with a couple of girlfriends after a long stressful week. I accidentally got drunk off my ass by drinking 5 Extra Dirty Martini’s. By the end of the night, I was busting “Moves Like Jagger”, trying to escape a moving car, and attempted to steal my friends bike. I know all of this only because my husband was kind enough to fill me in the next day, because everything from 7 p.m. to 3:00 a.m. was a complete blank. So I suggest to experts that there may be a category called: Temporary Alcoholism)
I hate to break it to you, but you are an excessive, heavy, binge drinking, social drunk, who suffered from “temporary alcoholism”. Sorry, but someone had to tell you.
Wow. Now I feel unworthy. If someone is going to get totally wasted and blackout, then they should have an incredible story to go with it. You truly have one of those. If only it were on video.
You seem to have given a lot of thought, and have the situation under control.
As the great philosopher Tony Stark/Iron Man would say, “Give me a scotch. I’m starving.”
Great philosophers are so few and far between nowadays. Yes. I do try to stay in control and if I’m not…oh well….I’ll have a drink.
You know, those guidelines sorta yank folk around on a change ’cause if it’s anything like the food pyramid and those things they say are good or bad for us, it’s confusing. Now, I don’t drink but I certainly wish I did from time to time. Or at least smoked a little weed for a wind down.
If you don’t mind me saying so, you’re not really a social drinker ’cause you ain’t fairing too well at that. May be that it doesn’t take much to get you “there” and the best thing to do is sip and don’t finish. Thus, cutting out all drunkeness in public places, yeah?
That was a one in a million night for me and I lost my mind, mixing drinks and drinking on an empty stomach. My friend lives a few miles away and had a last birthday bash. When I finally ate, I had her hot chicken wings, which was a big no-no.
I’m pretty boring in my old age, our idea of a good time is getting together with friends at one house or another. We talk, play board games, eat snacks and I drink my “water beer”. Two of my beers is equal to one of a regular beer. So I guess when I drink, it’s really more like 1.5 to 2.5 beers. No drunken moments here for anyone to view.
Intoxication seemed to be the way in younger years. I guess it was part of the mating ritual. I met my first husband in a bar, but that didn’t work out. I met my “now” hubby at my son’s preschool perfectly sober. We have a great relationship. You aren’t missing a thing by not drinking. I don’t know about the weed though. I have no experience there to comment about.
Nah, you are lending far to much credence to the drunks who wrote the guidelines. They clearly aren’t providing real service or the truth but instead simply stroking their own egos while laughing their proverbial azzes off about how gullible we all are for accepting their idiocy.
I don’t drink anymore (doesn’t mix well with my meds) but in my previous non-medicated life I would have wine with nearly every meal. If we were out, we would drink at least a bottle of wine. I was a gin drinker, so straight up dirty martini’s before dinner, wine with dinner and after dinner port wasn’t unknown.
Like I said – they are idiots. You are just fine.
At least you’re smart enough not to mix alcohol with meds. I have some winners in my life, who haven’t grasped that concept. I enjoy having a drink too. But…with four kids in the house and a baby to take care of….mom never gets crazy. In the rare event, hubby is there to take the reigns.
Actually, my hubby says I don’t drink enough. Hmmmmm.
After reading this I think you’re just a “socialholic” so am I … at times … I love the way you’ve structured this post 🙂
Thanks. I have to make my drinking sound exciting because it isn’t. It would probably take 16 or more of my watered down beers to be drunk adn I think I’d vomit from over watering before that happened.
I think we should all have a glass of the Red stuff,
noooo not the Blood of Vampire movies or the splatter
from something wicked on one of my postings but some
of that fine and deliciously chilled Cava that has been
just waiting to be poured… Well there is nothing wrong
with a nice drink or three of an evening and where is
the harm? Answer: there isn’t any…
Have a great rest of weekend and thank you for offering
your slant on ‘If it Stumbles Like a Drunk’, which I have
certainly enjoyed reading 🙂
I agree 100%. As long as we don’t get terribly carried away and end up on Youtube, I think it’s okay.
Have a wonderful weekend yourself. I’ll have to slink over to your site soon and see what new things you’ve gotten into. Glad you enjoyed my take on things.
I need to be catching up too and I will be back later today to read more of your fine postings, I have been deleting some of my last offerings but I often do that… I must be a tad eccentric or just plain nuts 🙂 But as I add scripts quite often I think that there will be something else for you to read sooner rather than later 🙂
Thank you for calling by
and reading my postings 🙂
Have lots of wicked fun, I always do 🙂 😉
I doubt my wicked fun is the same as yours, but I’ll do my best.
OK, the azzhats in the “AlcoholicsRYou” agency need to put the bottle down and step away from the “If you are this drunk ———–>, you need to vomit” chart. I have seen less horseshit at a parade. You drink beer-flavored-water for cripes’ sake.
Me, not a chance in hades I am going to pop a can of …well, anything. I am a tequila drinker, although I truly prefer Mescale, but the commute to Victoria is a bitch from SC. So, Jose and I have an on-again-off-again love affair when Napoleon does not have his hand in my heartburn. Cognac after dinner is the ticket.
But apparently I have a retail compulsion about vodka. When I was putting away the groceries, I had to take three different bottles of it out of the freezer to make way for winners like peas and Brussel sprouts. *sigh* Guess I should finish those three liters off before they get to room temperature. Want one?
It’s true. Loving your first paragraph. Perhaps my humor seemed like a cry for help. Who the hell knows. Maybe I should attend a meeting.
I like my drinks, but with a baby in the house, who has yet to sleep more than 5 full nights in his life…..mom needs to be alert at all hours. So….bye, bye more powerful beverages. I do drink from the bottle though. Water beer is only bearable in a bottle.
I was a Tequila drinker once upon a time. Do some shots for me!
Need me some of that lo-cal stuff… sounds good to me and I don’t even like beer. PS There are no mistakes in your post, LOL 🙂
I’ve made some adjustments for my nightcaps. After the baby was born, I decided to switch to beer because of the lo-cal option. I didn’t need people asking me when I was “due” again, just to explain my beer gut.
Thanks. I always worry about those darn mistakes.
My water is stronger than your beer.
I wouldn’t doubt it.
I’m pretty sure that water-beer doesn’t count. Maybe you could grow barley and hops in your belly though.
That’s a plan. As long as I don’t have to give birth to it later. I’m pretty sure no one would want a batch of that.
…:::Absolutely Brilliant:::… “Am I an Alcoholic?” Hmmmm – there was a recent time in my life where I couldn’t live or be sober! 😉
Lorre, I found my self LOL’ing at your blog. Keep up the “FUNNY”
Cheers & Congrats!
BUT….you moved on from that. On the upside…if good things happen to you…you can remember them. I know about those “doing anything to forget” moments. Sorry you were next up in the relay race.
Thanks for checking out the site. Glad you liked it. Pass it on to your friends and I hope you get a chance to read some of my past posts….Don’t worry, there are only about 80 some to go through.
Good luck with everything. You know I’ll do what I can on my end to keep things in check…….as much as anyone can control a pitbull, who is foaming at the mouth, without a leash.
Unfortunately for us – the BURDENS foaming at the mouth was unleashed the moment “IT” was born! “BURDENS”!!! “They’re so wrapped up in their own dog #%$#”… – “annoying burden” – “delusions ” of greatness …. the links below are brutal. They, he, speaks for me (us) personally… NOT safe for kids – AT ALL!!!!! Put on some head phones or make sure the kids ain’t around.
The preaching words of the great comedian Jim Nortorn “The mentally Ill” Me, me meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” ……….
part 1 – “Annoying bags of #%$#” http://youtu.be/iChp2giuLUA
part 2 – “You’re a toxic #%$# cloud” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVNmtVD4qQk
Once again Lorre, Just STUNNINGLY BRILLIANT!!!
You’re next blog ” The mentally Ill” – just DIE”!!!
Is that my next post title suggestion?
And that my friend…..is what we call “a drinking” moment.
Dietary guidelines are for robots (oil once a day!). Trusting your body, knowing why you’re drinking, keeping a sense of humor about losing bladder control: these things are what really matters.
Cheers to another frank and funny post.
Thanks. I can blame the sometimes bladder thing on having kids.
Look at it this way: all the great literary minds of our time drank, so you’re in good company!
Okay. Now you have my attention. Wise observation and thanks for throwing it my way and easing the guilt….not that I really had any.
Thanks for stopping by the wrong side of the tracks to check out my blog.
I actually have a hangover myself today so it would be inappropriate for me to get all preachy and stuff. I have been reminded, twice now, of Guinness’s remarkable ability to taint the colour of everything on it’s way out of the body the next day.
If you are only drinking a few low-alcohol beers a night it isn’t too bad. If you don’t drink anything at all do you feel better the next day? If you drink wine I think it can be easy to fall into the trap of viewing it as more civilised than beer, and so not as bad for you.
Two glasses of wine and I need a nap. Total lightweight now.
Thanks for stopping by and having a drink…I mean reading this post.
[…] If it stumbles like a drunk and slurs like a drunk, it might be a drunk. (Part 1), (Part 2) […]