So…..I’m reading this Year of Living Sober blog and I’m thinking, WTF! Who wants to do that? Just kidding. I am not trying to encourage alcohol consumption or condone alcoholism, although if you are reading this and under the influence, I applaud you for doing what it takes to get through my ramblings. Sort of seriously though, the blog isn’t written by a recovering alcoholic, but rather someone who just wanted to give up drinking for one year.
I decided to analyze my relationship with alcohol. Alcohol and I started seeing each other back in the seventies when my father used it as a cure-all for any fever, coughing, toothache or what have you. He gave us (bro, sis and myself) a shot of Spanada wine and would send us to bed. Like a dumbass, I thought it was some cure. Now that I have my own children, I realize he just was trying to get us to go to fucking bed and leave him alone.
Alcohol and I started to date again while I was in highschool. There were parties here and there, breaking into parent’s liquor cabinets and an unplanned “so drunk I blacked out” episode during a dress rehearsal. In college, we got hot and heavy. Too much drinking and not enough studying. Sorry dad. I did graduate though. Between college and children it was all about drinking socially. occasionally this led to not remembering the ride home, which means at some point it became anti-social and I was just a drunken mess. I did say ride though. I did not drive. The good news is, my current relationship wasn’t that wonderful, so being out of it on occasion was a blessing. Besides, I got better looking when I drank. Yes….I meant it the way I wrote it.
This leads us to today. Back in May of 2011, right before finals in my nursing class, I decided to have a few beers (3-5) at night to destress myself. This became a few beers each night except for four in the last eight months. Now….three of those four, I didn’t drink at all. One out of the four, I got a bit carried away at a friend’s birthday bash and mixed a few different alcoholic beverages. Needless to say, I slept on the bathroom floor all night…..for convenience of course. I blame her for having a party. What a bitch! My husband kept telling me we had to leave. He blames me for sneaking drinks behind his back when I was slurring as it was, just to stay longer. Let me see here. I’m 41, slurring words and sneaking alcohol. Hmmmmmm! So……I wasn’t suffering from a stroke, a neuromuscular disorder (ALS, cerebral palsy, MS or Parkinson’s) or Lyme disease. Oh my freaking hell! I guess I was fucking drunk. As a police officer, I would think my husband would know how to identify a woman, who is drunk off her ass and incapable of being responsible. I guess he was blinded by his immense love for me or the hope of drunken sex. Sadly, not much action on the bathroom floor. Just a lot of flushing.
Just keeping it real: This is already too long, so I will write more on this later. Also, I only had one beer left, so I had to bust open the boxed wine. Nothing but the best baby. Two glasses while writing this and I’m good. Off to bed.
Articles of Absurdity 
I love your sense of humor and honesty (what else should I have expected considering your ‘adult humor’ and ‘brutal honesty’ tags?).
And thanks for the link to my Year Of Living Sober blog. It’s quite a thrill to see the first post (that I know of) my daily account of one year off boozin’ has inspired.
I learnt something too: in Oz we call ‘boxed wine’ cask wine (even though that cask is a cardboard box!)
🙂
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Gotta love the boxed wine when having some drinks handy is a must and you are on a budget. Not very classy, but it gets the job done.
I’m glad you like my crazy humor. It’s what I have to offer nowadays. AND….as far as the mention goes….no problem. I really enjoyed (although still reading) checking out your blog. I think others will enjoy it too.
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Ta muchly.
Back when I was drinking—those long two months (almost) ago—if I wanted to save money and not drink bottle’d wine I’d go for a 2 litre cask.
It’s so much more sophisticated than those 4 litre ones.
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I love it! Did we date the same guy?? (alcohol) you pretty much summed it up there with the same experiences I’ve had growing up until now!
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It’s possible. I was referring to my husband (1st one) at the time. He cheated a lot. It wouldn’t shock me if he drove all the way to see you just to cheat. He said he had a sex addiction. My ass!
I’d say alcohol can be our bond, but that just doesn’t sound right, now does it?
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Ohh no about the Ex-husband! Good thing you’re not with him anymore!!! but I was referring to our first love we shared with alcohol! I guess it is our bond! I’ve had the unplanned blackouts, and my husband gets that hope that he will get drunken sex but I’m ready to pass out or hurling in the bathroom haha! But btw, where did the ex live that he may or may have not traveled up here? Jk 😉
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Virginia. He traveled to Boston before when we first got married. I found this out later. He likes to go around telling everyone that I cheated on him. I guess that sounds so much better than the truth.
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I don’t drink, so I am always the designated driver and I can tell you this alone will help one stay sober (grin) loved the way playfully write (~_~)
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I’m glad you are keeping everyone safe. I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
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greetings by
http://flickrcomments.wordpress.com/2012/01/06/weekly-photo-challenge-a-archive/
+
ALCOHOL 🙂
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Yes. I commend you on moving this photo thing forward. I have to come up with my lastest submission I guess.
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Ah, I’m sure we all have some alcohol related stories. It has happened often, but I have had a couple of run ins with martoonskis! If they are made right, look out! Margie
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Are you a wild woman Margie?
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Oops, meant hasn’t!!! LOL!
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I ‘m strictly a beer guy….just don’t like the taste if liquor or wine. Love my beer though.
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Having things we love is not so bad.
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If you get to chugging the cough syrup … better stop!
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Do think that would indicate a problem? I’m keep that in mind. It’s always nice to have a point to look back on to know if you have sunk to low.
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I used to love the observant types who viewed my completely stocked liquor cabinet, wine cooler and beer shelf (which was for company as I cannot abide American beer) to proclaim, “You must be an alcoholic!”
My calm retort? “No, because if I were the cabinet would be bare.” Schmucks.
Pass me a vodka martini, wet, dirty, with a pair and a twist, TYVM.
Red.
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There’s nothing wrong with being a thoughtful hostess. I, on the other hand, can’t afford to keep people in good “spirits” (pun intended). I am a tacky BYOB person, unless of course it’s a special event.
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If we are drinking, it can get really special 😉
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South Carolina huh? Maybe during our next summer vacation, we’ll have to stop by and have a drink.
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[…] it stumbles like a drunk……….(WARNING: post rambles on) 6 Jan If you read yesterday’s post, then you know I’m pondering my relationship with my daily alcohol […]
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Our children have left home, we don’t have a car, but bars are everywhere and within easy walking distance. We have been pleasantly surprised at how much of a meal we can make out of olives, cherries, peanuts and other bar snacks!
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Damn….I barely live in walking distance to my neigborhood’s exit. I’m so jealous.
Talk about a savings. You could probably save on drinks, but licking the bar when someone spills their beverage. I don’t recommend the floor. Kinda gross.
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you are absolutely right Lorrelee there is nothing like a bit… of this, that and the other, but as this is mainly about the this and the that we won’t mention the other (Now who is wittering on? 🙂 lol)
Okay so where were we? Ahh yes you were enjoying a bit of a drink, now that is okay with me, though the falling down drunk as a skunk in Cleveland and spending the night on the bathroom floor without any of the other, well I guess that was a fangtastic night, or was it? Well the skunk was having fun 🙂 I am kidding by the way…
Right enough of my nonsense I am now rushing over to read your follow up posting of this wickedly offered theme, soooo I will see you over there next 🙂 Did I say that I have enjoyed this posting? 🙂 Well it’s been wicked up to now so here we go…
Have a wondrously enjoyable rest of weekend 🙂
Androgoth XXx
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Now I have a blog to keep me busy, so I won’t have anymore over the top moments. One time in years isn’t too bad though.
You are always so nice. Let me know what you think of part two.
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Alcohol is the most accepted drug in America next to fructose corn syrup. People need to check out other options, noteably, weed. Unfortunately, no one was smoking it in the bible, so it doesn’t get the right wing vote. That didn’t stop, the last three presidents from smoking it, or George Wa from growing it!
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Yeah, and I just can’t wrap my brain around drinking a bottle of fructose corn syrup. I’m sure my kids would be down with that. Medical weed is an option, but then you have to have a real medical issue, which would suck or forge prescriptions. Tricky biz.
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Too bad you are going sober. You won’t be able to use my handy guide on surviving holidays and family with alcohol. http://themainland.net/2011/11/28/how-to-pick-the-right-alcohol-for-surviving-holiday-stress-part-1-2/
I applaud your efforts. Wish I could do the same. But I’m probably more likely to prance around in a leotard than give up beer.
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I’ll check it out. I’m not giving up alcohol. I’m just trying to make sure when I drink at home on a nightly basis, I just enjoy a relaxing feeling and stop there. No drunkness…………….but……holidays and when my hubby is home…..well that is a different story.
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You’re thinking too hard – have a drink!
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Did I forget to mention I was drinking when I wrote this?
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Lighter note: Around 5 million perish every year to alcohol. The world’s population is adding 70 million every year, some rebalancing wouldn’t hurt the planet!
I stumbled upon your blog and decided to rest awhile. You would be happy to learn that I had a wonderful time. I’m tempted to clink a few glasses and then become a loyal blog reader! 🙂
I like your style of humour and look forward to revisiting.
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Oh my goodness. How nice was this to read. Thanks so much for stopping by and you should have a few glasses because I’m drinking while responding to your comment. Cheers.
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[…] POST: If it stumbles like a drunk and slurs like a drunk, it might be a drunk. (Part 1) […]
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GReat, Only few person know the art how to turn a moment into occasion, cheers…
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I don’t know about it being an art.
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[…] If it stumbles like a drunk and slurs like a drunk, it might be a drunk. (Part 1), (Part 2) […]
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