The 7 Deadly Sins and the Holidays

1. Wrath (anger, violence, abuse)

  • not finding that certain item for Christmas
  • trampling over an old woman to get that item when you do find it
  • having to spend the holiday with “those” relatives again
  • the verbal abuse that follows when being cooped up too long with “those” relatives
  • realizing the effort put in versus the appreciation received is quite unbalanced

2. Greed (materialism, wish for more)

  • having to have this and that for presents
  • your child’s Christmas list, which is basically…..everything
  • wanting more than you need
  • expecting your parents to lavish you with gifts (money) when you are a grownup with your own family

3. Sloth (lazy, whiner, physically or mentally inactive)

  • It’s a holiday. Mini vacation?
  • complaining if you have to do anything or go anywhere
  • acting like wrapping presents is a form of torture (You shouldn’t have bought so many dumbass! How about a nice gift bag?)
  • playing the “I can’t get off the couch.” card after eating too much or hanging a few lights

4. Pride (ego, arrogance, vanity, conceit, boast)

  • feeling entitled to get everything you asked for
  • bragging to others about how much you spent or how much you got
  • thinking your fucked up light display is the best because you put Jesus and the blow up Santa side by side to prove…”We can all get along.”

5. Lust (strong desire, craving, longing, passion)

  • drinking so much at the Christmas party you start gyrating on the copy machine
  • excited about New Years….you might just get laid this year
  • going to the mall to sit on Santa’s lap and requesting a lap dance…from him

6. Envy (resentment or discontent because of someone else’s qualities, luck or possessions/jealous/grudge)

  • wishing you thought to put Jesus and Santa side by side on the lawn (Really though, it looks totally stupid and inappropriate.)
  • always thinking someone else got more or better stuff than you did
  • Telling your kids Santa doesn’t exist because you ask for their mother to become prettier and nicer each year and it only gets worse. Realizing, God must exist because only he would do this shit to you for making ridiculous demands.

7. Gluttony (eating or drinking in excess)

  • Hell yeah! If the holidays aren’t for stuffing your face and drinking to the point of urinating in your pants because you passed out on the lawn trying to seduce the entire nativity scene on the neighbor’s lawn………then what are they for??!!??

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas……………………

28 thoughts on “The 7 Deadly Sins and the Holidays

  1. I can’t comment on the wrath I feel at “those” relatives as they are looking over my shoulder as I type this … and they’re not even MY relatives, but my husband’s. Mine are a hoot! Oh well.

    I was once in a play where I played “Envy.” I decided then that I wouldn’t become my character in real life. What’s the point of envy when you can just steal the stuff you don’t get.


  2. There’s always one family that you read about on Christmas–they either get all their presents stolen or one of them shoots the other. It makes me realize how lucky I am to have my dysfunctional family around me.
    Thanks for reminding me.


    1. At least with a dysfunctional family, you know what you’re getting……dysfunction.

      There are a lot of good (in a bad way) fights at super bowl time too. AND…I mean families. If you can’t fight with them, who can you fight with?


  3. Love the fresh take on the seven deadlies! Funny as always, with a hint of sodium pentothal for truth. Love it, my friend!

    Merry Christmas, and I’m guessing you go four for seven on the list.


  4. Wow. Humorous, yes, but serious all at the same time. Some very good stuff to ponder in there. We could all do with a little attitude check when it get’s to be this time of year. Thanks for those reminders, and Merry Christmas!


  5. I like the top and the bottom. I leave all the middle ones to the relatives and shoppers who make me choose the top and the bottom. At least they are a matched set…once I drink enough to squint.


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