This is it people. This is what I look like first thing in the morning, with no makeup and no coffee. My father was a circus clown and my mother was a sick perv from the movie Eyes Wide Shut (which sucked big ones). There was a chemical spill (in their bedroom) on the night they conceived me. They happened to be role-playing in their twisted costumes, so this is how I was born. I think there might have been a third person in the room, some graffiti artist. I don’t even want to know how I got his DNA.