It started in fourth grade with an anonymous letter
But in a small town, you should’ve known better
You bought me a pretty anklet, from Avon no less
With it a letter, your love to confess
You were a year older and flattered I should be
What a perverted fuck to write you want to lay on top of me
Then another in fifth grade with that stupid winter vest
And why did I need it, I didn’t have breasts
It’s worthless otherwise, to keep anything warm
You said wear it or else, I had been warned
Fuck your Dallas Cowboys vest and your bowl haircut
I’m not wearing that crap, you can kiss my butt
So 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th grade went by
Without a single boyfriend, I could’ve cried
But the fact of the matter, I still had no breasts
The boys wanted my friends with their glorious chests
So I became the pencil, who became one of the guys
I would make everyone laugh, to the point where they’d cry
So in tenth grade I was pleased when this guy wanted to dance
But I didn’t know a thing about highschool romance
I was afraid he would kiss me, so I quickly turned my face
I think he got my cheek, it was such a disgrace
For a month I met him by his locker, we had a couple of chats
But we never did much else and split for lack of contact
Onto eleventh where my I started to blossom
Having some boobs was really quite awesome
But I was so scared of the romance, I went a bit far
First time….in a driveway…..mom caught us…in the car
All excited, he told everyone we had sex
I’m not sure what he experienced, it wasn’t an event
Twelfth grade brought out the loonies in masses
They were crazy, worthless, immature dumbasses
College opened my eyes to the weirdos that roamed
Like the one who jacked off while talking to his mom on the phone
The polite guy who asked if he could use a bottle if we did it
And the lesbian, knife toting roommate who said all girls want clit
Thank God college was over and I could meet a nice man
Settle down, have a family…at least that was the plan
He cheated and cheated until he cheated some more
He screwed so many women, he couldn’t find more
Divorced that ass and married the “real” man of my dreams
We even have sex…..when the kids are gone, I’m allowed to scream
SIDENOTE: Is it wrong that I’m eating a bag of pepperoni while watching “The Biggest Loser” off my dvr?
6 thoughts on “Love or Nothing Like It…through the years”
OMG! We are long lost sisters. I never imagined anyone else ate pepperoni straight from the bag. LOL
It is a bitch to be the flat-chested sidekick. Been there did that. Its a bigger bitch to be married to a scum-sucking, cheating SOB. Did that a couple of times.
But see what awesome, snarky bitches we turned out to be. Hey, could I get a copy from your dvr, mine’s broken?
I like the poem too.
Pepperoni any other way seems so limiting. AND…..Those scum suckers make for some good writing.
hahaha this was PERFECTION.
One comment regarding breasts. I developed early. And sister, let me tell you, it was NO PICNIC. I spent the first 3 decades of my life with me talking to my boobs. You know, rather than look me in the face? Can’t tell you how many times I almost up punched some dude under the chin, yelling “I’m UP HERE, ASSHOLE”
Sadly enough…..most of them still talk to our boobs. They should get there own. Come to think of it, there are a lot of “man boobs” out there. They probably look at and fondle their own.
LOL with MEN talking to my boobs!!! (Correction)
At any age….talking to your own boobs probably makes for a better conversation.