So….my extremely lovely, well-mannered son told me “I’ll see you in hell!”……. a week or so ago. For a split second, I thought I could pull off the tougher than nails, moral and offended card. I’d verbally scold him, make him write sentences, send him to his room or give him some lashes. You know….something really parent like. BUT…..then I thought. Where the f*#@#  did he get that from? It’s so dramatic. I wasn’t in the middle of choking the life out of him, not physically at least. I hadn’t jabbed my sword into his gut, then pulled it out slowly to watch him die. Maybe metaphorically??!!?? I know I like to say “You’re killing me.” to the kids, but he really wasn’t. I couldn’t get the reference. Do kids at school talk this way? What happened to saying things like “Screw you!” and “Your momma!” to each other. Okay….perhaps the last one is a bit old school. I just think if you’re going to say something shitty to someone, then it should reflect your age. He’s eleven.

I just started laughing (psychotic), because I’m a very mature 41 year-old. Images flashed before me of my four kids, the rare adult interaction I get, my ex-husband living in the same neighborhood, the realization my metabolism is in a coma, my pet cemetery cat that pisses on my stove, the thought of fish sticks for dinner……..and on…….and on…….and on.

Looking my son in the eye, who was expecting ninja like moves: “We are in hell! Here’s looking at ya!” He never saw it coming.