Seriousness is not my thing to share with the world, so I put my own spin on some things we have all experienced or witnessed.

1. If you find yourself to be someone’s “project”….Just know…. it’s not you who needs the fixing or the attention. Okay…..so this one is not too funny, but you know what I’m talking about. Let’s face it….we have to share the blame if someone takes us under their smothering wing. We open the flood gates with some testimony. Usually it goes something like: “Oh damn….I don’t know what to do? I am totally f*#@*ing up my life.”….OR….”I’m so freaking fat.  I should just tape the food directly to my fat ass.”…..OR……”He said that charge for  Victoria’s Secret was for his friend’s mom and he is going to get paid back.”( I know that one from experience.) Let’s discuss this. It’s what I call being a pathetic, shitty mess. If I see a big steaming pile of poop in my path, then I’m going to clean it up. If you present yourself this way, then people will feel the need to make you smell and look pretty again. Initially….this is okay and human nature, but eventually, a normal person will pick a new path that isn’t smothered in shit all of the time. Or….they may cover it with newspaper and walk around or over. In reality, that means they will ignore your ass. Do not spray the mess with Febreeze. It does not work. So snap the hell out of it before you become a “pet” project of someone’s. There are people out there who live their lives to direct, fix and change others. I imagine it gets the focus off their own screwups. So if you f*#@*d your life up, then send it flower’s and use a condom next time. That way you can throw your future screw ups in the trash. If you think you are fat then you can do one of two things. Find someone fatter and rejoice in how great you look compared to them or get off your ass and change. Bitching about it will burn very little calories. I actually recommend taping the food to your ass. If it’s on your ass, you aren’t eating it, but  someone behind you surely will. That could also be a way to meet someone new. If you are constantly catching your partner in lies…..you don’t need an outsider to tell you what to do. If you do, then you are an idiot with bigger problems to solve. To recap: Stop feeding the animals. Get your shit together and stop leaving it for other people to step in. And…for those who like to play in other people’s shit,  you disgust me. You have your own life. Get back to it, but wash your hands first.