I’m going to let someone else entertain you today. I’d like to breakdown your brain cells by exposing you to my inappropriate friend Stirling and his equally damaged partner in comedy.
Wild Mullet Kingdom: Episode 1 “The Capture” (Uncensored)
OKAY………So I debated about this post for a bit. Sorry to go all juvenile on you guys, but it must be done. In the past two years, I’ve had to deal with a few people unraveling……….0 to 60 for no clear reason. If I thought my health insurance would cover it, I’d get the magnet removed that causes the attraction. Let me clear things up for several people.
Shocking as it may seem………I am not a fan of cop killing, gay bashing or racist songs. To be blunt, they seem pretty fucking unnecessary to me. OH……….Did I fail to mention how ignorant they are? I suppose there are people, who think these songs are super cool and badass, but there are also people who eat their boogers, even into adulthood. Just sayin’!
Perhaps I would have more respect for these artists……….SORRY…….…I had to throw up in my mouth a little…….…if the lyrics were more honest.I mean, why do you really want to kill cops? Let’s be honest. It’s because you want to do various horrible, immoral and illegal things. Some of these things may include: rape, murder, beatings, robbery, drug dealing…….and so on and so forth. You want to do these things and be left alone. Sorry! I guess life isn’t fair. Didn’t your momma teach you that? Perhaps you should sing songs about the lawmakers as well. After all, they may have something to do with the laws the police are supposed to enforce. And how about the President of the United States? I suppose he endorses your behavior? Why not write song lyrics about your grandma? Unless you think she approves of your behavior. Oh……and for those who feel they are justified because of some kind of police brutality…….I have never heard a song naming Officer John Doe. The “brotherhood” does not mean every officer is accountable for another officer’s actions. If my sibling screws someone over…….WELL……It ain’t my fault. Seriously! So stop calling me!
AND……..How about you homophobes? Is it really necessary to announce to the world how you feel about sexual orientations other than those that are heterosexual. Screams out insecurity to me. What are you afraid of? Rejection??!!??
AND LASTLY……..Does the world need to know you are an ignorant racist? I’m referring to all the shades of racism.
Since these songs seem to be so popular among a limited “so smart they seem stupid” audience, I think we should expand. I think we should have songs about hating the dentist. Let’s face it……..going to the dentist sucks. How about slurs against the Disney Channel for running shows that make our children think parents don’t really exist? I’m currently writing a song about killing stirrup pants. Lord knows, we don’t need to bring those back. Here are some other ideas we can rage about:
Let me know if anyone can come up with some really incredible song lyrics!
The economy sucks and stay at home moms are feeling even more pressure to save money and earn money if possible. The good news is, the solution has been right under our noses this whole time. Not only has it been under our noses, but it’s been under our armpits and panties the entire time. That’s right. Let’s go natural and stop shaving to improve our way of living.
Think of the savings just by not shaving. You can save money on:
Think of other possibilities and further savings involved. Such as:
There are opportunities to start your own business. Check into:
Don’t think you can’t make a statement or show your beauty. Try:
Come on ladies. Start growing your hair out and create a new glorious life for yourself and your families. You won’t regret it until you realize, he’ll dump your ass if you don’t start shaving and then…..think positive thoughts ladies:
(another money-making venture if you play your cards right)
I know what you’re thinking and I don’t blame you. A hooker on the street, who clearly needs dental work and a bath is not going to break the bank. They may break your no STD streak though, but only if that’s a concern to you. There’s also that person at work, who gets drunk off cough syrup and takes it all off for a chili dog at 7-11. BUT….I’m not talking about that. I’m back to America’s Romance Coach. Let’s give another round of sighs and gagging sounds to Gregory Godek. I found some really great and cheap ideas for romance out of his supposed bestselling book, 1001 Ways To Be ROMANTIC.
“The Coach” also has some ideas strictly for the singles out there.
Here are some lovely thoughts for married couples.
This night did not turn out the way I had hoped. I usually fly by the seat of my pants with this blog. I sit down and just spit something out, but today was different. I took pictures. I had a plan. In fact, I had two different posts I was toying with. Which one to do? Well the answer is, not either
fucking one. You see, I had the pictures and the basic concept, but I hadn’t written anything. I wait and do that on the fly. BUT….I need a fairly clear head and some focus to write something creative. Usually, after the baby goes to sleep I start to write. BUT…………………………………
First: The ex comes to pick the kids up and says he needs to talk to me privately. He starts with: “I don’t really know how to say this.” Then he proceeds to tell me that his estranged wife, who left him over the summer is having an affair. I laugh, because I can’t help myself and say, “How can she be having an affair if you aren’t together?” This is when he gets really irate and says, “We aren’t legally separated!” AND…..being the compassionate person that I am, then said, “You of all people shouldn’t care about that.” So I’m wondering why the hell he told me this. I don’t give a shit. Perhaps he thought I could relate since it happened to me. Oh…let me think, with him. What a dumbass!
Second: The kids get dropped off at 8:15 p.m. and still had homework to do. After a lot of crying and yelling, that would’ve brought the police by if we lived in an apartment, their work was finished at 10:00 p.m.
Thirdly: My brain was toast after all that, and I began stress eating. I had some chips and a bowl of pasta with butter that I finished about five lines back. I’m enjoying my one of several beers and hoping no one wakes up……EVER.
I’m toasting myself to a better tomorrow.
People think that all is fine and dandy when you live in a small town, but they would be wrong. Life is tough around here, especially for our children. Shockingly enough: There’s a liquor store in town to keep all of us complacent. I think some folks around here might even be bootleggers. Sometimes, the cashiers at the grocery store double charge you on the milk. AND…I’m pretty sure someone took a Christmas card out of my mailbox last year. Our kids have to be bad ass bitches to grow up here and sometimes….it’s all just too much.