Making an appearance…………..


I feel like I’ve neglected my blogging duties lately. I’m blaming the location of my computer on the slacking.

On the upside:  I have a great desk, which I love. It’s a dinosaur that I bought for $20 from our local thrift shop. Four drawers pull out to 2 feet in length and there are 2 pull-out shelves for writing. My friend wanted to murder me when I painted over the solid wood finish with pistachio green paint, but that’s what I do……kill all things in their natural state.  I’m not into reconstructive surgery. If it doesn’t look like it did in the beginning, then it’s plastic surgery all the way. I’ll throw in pageant makeup if I have to (decoupage).

On the downside:   My desk sits about five feet from the front door. The office is between the front entrance, which leads to the kitchen (or the upstairs) and the living room. There are no doors to this office…..SO…..I am clearly in hell’s epicenter. The kids are officially on christmas break and I realize…..I won’t get a damn thing done unless I kill them. Of course, I’ll have to clean up that mess, cover up what happened, spin a story and plan their funerals. Then, I’d have to attend and even speak. It’s not even worth it. Too much trouble and it would probably take up even more time that I don’t have.

My solution:  It should be solved with christmas. At least, I hope. We built a 6×11 room off of the kitchen, which was going to be a pantry, but isn’t. I have asked for this room to be my christmas present. A space all my own to write away. I’ll keep you all posted, but I imagine it’ll happen because I can be a real pain in the ass when I want something.

Update: I have only given two updates on my weekly weight loss and I’ve neglected to give an update on my pregnancy status. I do have exciting news. I have gained back some (not all) of the weight that I recently lost. It looks like in about nine months…….I will be a big, fat-slob if I don’t stop eating so much crap. The holidays were a stupid time to start losing weight. Why didn’t anyone tell me? I’ve given up on stressing about the weight….for now. BUT….don’t worry. I’m still going to have lots of sex, but only for procreation. It’s so totally gross to do it for any other reason. For the cause man! For the cause!

Big News: Well, it might not be big news to you, but it is to me. I was given the Kreativ Blogger Award by zendictive. Hopefully, I will fulfill my award duties soon with a post on this. In case you are wondering……..an award is still worth having, even if you had to extort someone to get it. I will neither confirm or deny that I have damaging information or photos involving zendictive.

Admission: I’m way too tired to check this shit for mistakes.

Dreams Do Come True


So….I’ve had some crazy dreams in my life. I’m sure we all have. Most of them could never come true in a million years. For example: I doubt I will ever be able to flap my arms and fly around. I probably won’t cut down a tree and instead of rings in the trunk, Copperheads come out one by one and attack my family. Hell….I’ll probably never cut down a tree. And some dreams are just plain wrong. When I was in college, this guy that I couldn’t stand, kept bugging me to go out with him. I’m ashamed to say….I had a dream that he was in a wheelchair eating a bucket of chicken. Pretty shameful, I know. I knocked his wheelchair over. Chicken flew everywhere and he was struggling to get up. I told him I wouldn’t help him up until he had sex with me. I assure you, that was not a Freudian slip in my dreams.

The only dreams I’ve had with an ounce of truth were my pregnancy dreams. Each time I was pregnant and only when I’ve been pregnant, (but before I knew I was) I had a baby/pregnancy dream of some kind.

End of 1999: I dreamt that the police pulled over a vehicle I was in. The driver was speeding. For some reason, the cop made me get out of the vehicle. He said he would be careful with me because I was pregnant. Sure enough, I took a test and I was pregnant.

Dream Baby #1

Late 2001: I dreamt I was in some mad scientist’s lab. He was showing me all his test tubes and jars full of creepy stuff. He pointed out some grotesque alien looking thing in a jar and said it was my baby. Yep. Pregnant again.

Dream Baby #2

 Early 2010: I dreamt that I was waiting in line at the movies with my husband. He started making out with this woman right in front of me. I knocked him to the ground and started hitting him. He told me to stop. I might hurt the baby. Pregnant again.

Dream Baby #3

Last night: I dreamt that my husband and I were going to watch our newborn babies compete in a 5K race. We had four babies, two boys and two girls and all had down syndrome. (If that offends anyone, my son has down syndrome, so no fun is being made.) We were late for the race because we hadn’t name them yet and couldn’t agree on anything. My husband said I could name one of the boys Runner. Then, I woke up. Pregnant? We’ll find out next week.

?? Yikes ??

So….I’m not clairvoyant. I can’t give you any winning lottery numbers, but these baby dreams are freakishly right. We’ll know soon enough if I’m 4 for 4.

Weekly Weight Loss Update: Only had 5 of 12 shakes. Only did 3 out of 6 workouts. Pigged out on pizza this weekend and went back to better beer. Lost: 1.4 pounds for a total of 3.12 in two weeks. Not bad for being a cheater.