Phone Call


SO…….This is a conversation I just had with my hubby minutes ago.

**RING, RING**

Lorre: Hello.

Cowboy: (panting) Hey.

Lorre: Are you riding your bike right now?

Cowboy: Yeah. I just made it up “blah, blah” Hill.

Lorre: Is that hard?

Cowboy: Yeah. It’s right at “blah blah location”.

Lorre: Well…..(interrupted)

Cowboy: Gotta go. (hangs ups)

 

AND…..This is a conversation that is typical any other day.

 

**RING, RING**

 

Cowboy: Hello.

Lorre: (panting) Hey.

Cowboy: What’s wrong with you?  Are you having sex?

Lorre: Yeah. I’m having sex while I’m taking care of the baby, washing dishes, doing laundry….(interrupted)

Cowboy: I’m just trying to be funny.  Put the baby down and take a nap.

Lorre: A nap? Does that mean your gonna help when you get home?

Cowboy: I can’t talk right now. I’m working.

Lorre: Your working? I…..(hang up)

 

At least there is consistency with the beginning and end of each call.

I felt my kid’s pain. Literally…..They were a pain in my ass.


I had a busy holiday weekend. By the time it was over, the internet had gone out. I wasn’t too thrilled about it, but I wasn’t devastated like the Things were. One Thing in particular called me on the intercom 3x to complain and cry (literally) about the Xbox Live being down. It was heartbreaking. I mean….what was my Thing to do with only the satellite working, the PSP, the DS, the Wii, the pre-installed computer games…….AND……..wait for it…………..THE OUTDOORS!

We finally got it up and running this afternoon. You would’ve thought they got bumped up to the #1 slot on the transplant list. It makes you wonder how we, the non-tech generation, survived. AND…….I really don’t think Atari counts. Although, Commodore computers were pretty tight.

Haiku Sunday: It’s a story in Haiku. So sue me.


Here you are again

Making your presence too clear

On my end of things

It should be enough

That we live in the same place

You need more than that

And apparently…

You need to meet my neighbors

Right up to their door

An introduction

As if we are together

This is disturbing

Meet your own neighbors

And spin your own tales to them

Clueless works for me

Please never forget

Divorce is a soft order

To restrain from such

WARNING: He is contagious!


Don’t be alarmed. I mean it in a good, politically correct way. His mood is contagious. It’s like yawning. Once someone does it, then we all start to yawn. AND…..That is not unlike the yawning you are doing now while reading this.

Justice May 5th 007                                      Justice May 5th 008

There are people who just don’t get it. Moods are contagious. You can get them with your clothes on and without exchanging any type of bodily fluids. Once you’ve caught someone’s mood, it’s hard to shake. If the mood you catch is good, then you’ve lucked out. Not only will you feel better, but you will then spread it around to others. BUT……If the mood is negative, then you just got screwed, and as I said, not the way you previously thought to catch something so nasty. Not only will your mood plummet to dark places, but you will spread it to others like the plague. It’s a real shame they don’t offer face masks or gloves that can keep bad moods from spreading. Washing your hands won’t help either.

Maybe THOSE people do get it. After all, misery loves company.

Brotherly Love….or something that looks like it.


BROTHERLY LOVE

Sweatshirts and blue jeans

…then suits and ties

Hitting girls on the playground

…to hitting on them in bars

Dreams are larger than life now

…then priorities and goals

Can’t wait to grow up

…then wanting to be a kid again

I hope there wasn’t a limit on my carry on bags.


With fathers like this……..

Quantcast

It’s not you, it’s him

You don’t need to be prettier

You don’t need to be smarter

And…you don’t need to be more talented

You don’t need to kiss his ass

You shouldn’t have to beg for his time and attention

It’s not you, it’s him

You don’t need to be more athletic

You don’t need to ask him about his job

And….you don’t need to talk differently

You don’t need to stroke his ego

You shouldn’t have to walk on glass around him

It’s not you, it’s him

He doesn’t need to be selfish

He doesn’t need to be one-sided

And….he doesn’t need to be self-absorbed

He doesn’t need to believe respect is his right

He shouldn’t make you feel less than all the time

It’s not you, it’s him

One day, he will realize

It will be too late

And….you will have grown tired of trying

You will be strong and move on

You shouldn’t feel guilty about that

More poetry recycled for your use…..


CALM WATERS

Too calm to touch the waters

Never wishing to distract

Waves roll on and on

No pebble sending tracks

Just watching and looking a view to never change

A scenery so common

Close your eyes

See the same

The lightning strikes

All the heavens

The skies begin to cry

Liquids pour and waters roar

Tranquility declines

A sigh is heard

The land……

It’s echo

Shakes from every edge

The Earth crumbled

And confetti green

Lay where it could

Roots of death

Foundation bled

Of all life’s hopes and dreams

Tomorrows turn to yesterdays

So unnaturally

If only a disturbance

A pebble to be thrown

The waters would be friendly

Since they wouldn’t be alone

***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

WHO

Who has the right to condemn

For the sake of being

For the privilege to live

Who has the right to restrict

For all the freedoms

For all the nonconformists

Who has the power to judge

For all the many mistakes

For all equal regrets

Who calls themselves the law

For all the sins

For  all the change

Who has time or nerve to become God

 

Not your mother’s journal


Written in 1986 (16 years old)…..recently located material

Journals are something I hated to keep in school. It seemed that no matter what grade I was in, or what caliber of teacher I had, a journal was required. Why? This is the only thing I really want to know now. Why would a grown adult be interested in my life? Are they generally interested in my personal growth in and out of school? Or perhaps, is this some sadistic game they play? I bet when they go home for dinner they play “Let’s read my pathetic pupil’s journal entry today, so we can embarrass the hell out of them tomorrow, or at least try.”

My entries have gone from boring to spicy and to down right lies. For, it is a rare occasion when I  did a journal entry each day. Usually, I tested my memory the night before 50 entries were due. Here are some of my entries from the past. I’m sure the teachers loved them.

1/83: Tonight I watched the Shining. I really thought it would be scary, but it wasn’t. After the movie, my brother and sister and I got into a fight. My brother threw an orange peel on the floor. I wouldn’t pick it up, so he hit me in the head. (TRUE)

1/84: Journal. Today I earned two dollars off my chocolate stand. My mommy said it wasn’t a good idea, but I knew that it would be because I knew when I left to go out, my mom would call all her friends. I could tell she did because one lady bought eighty cents worth. I’m going to go out tomorrow. I still have five gallons of chocolate left. I hope that dad can call up his pals, but they all drink brandy. (LIES)

1/84: I am one of Santa’s many elves. I think he is a heel and a chapped lip on the mouth of life. He really makes my blood boil. I want to kick his sleigh over. I feel like hanging his reindeer. I feel like breaking the light in Rudolph’s nose. My name is Timothy, Santa’s most hyperactive elf. Stay away from me because I am a lean mean fighting machine. I make fun of anyone and anything. I even make fun of my Gramma. I do it right to her face. Journal, you are a stinking lousy piece of dirt. Have a great day and a pleasant evening. (I CAN’T CONFIRM OR DENY.)

1/86: Mr. Mac, why the hell do you always give me a C in my journal? Is it because I don’t write enough or because you hate me? Just kidding. I know you like me. (ha, ha) Still, why a C? Let’s discuss this tomorrow. (TRUE…They let me talk like that?)

2/86: Today, all of us had a major orgy in the library. We had zero clothes, so we used National Geographic magazines to cover ourselves up. Why weren’t you there to stop us? Just kidding again. I did nothing today or I don’t remember. These entries do not portray me in any way. (????)

10/86: Cross country districts, we left school, we got there, we looked at the other teams, we ran, we felt tension, we felt pain, we got second, we go to regionals, we get to do it all again…..(TRUE)

11/86: Do you understand? Sue married Bud!

They had a baby named Jill.

Sue divorced Bud and left him. She got bored with female life and got a sex change. Now Sue is Lou.

Lou met Jill and got married. Lou knew he couldn’t help in the process of pregnancy so he went to a sperm bank. He unknowingly got Bud’s sperm.

Lou and Jill had a baby tick. (Twisted, even back then.)

Well, at least my journal entries didn’t seem boring. I bet they talked about me in the teacher’s lounge and discussed my need for some therapy.

“O’ where o’ where has my little blog gone?”


It’s gone nowhere people. It’s still here, but Lorre (that’s me….duh!) has been on a vacation of sorts. There’s been no real traveling, outside of a 30 mile radius, but I have been on the go mentally, physically and of course, my mouth is always running.

How I’ve been spending my time:

  • I’ve spent more time with the kids, which has annoyed the crap out of them in many ways. You see, more time, means more checking of the homework. More checking of the homework, means more redoing of the homework.

 Per the request of my daughter: The kids will be referred to as Thing 1 (older son), Thing 2 (step-son, 2nd oldest), Thing 3 (diva daughter) and The Cute One (baby boy). My hubby is Cowboy.

  • I’ve kept the “Things” active. More chores. More chores. Also, more trips to the YMCA. I don’t accept the new norm in America about children’s weight.
  • I’ve worked with “The Cute One” on his therapy and trying to get him to say “momma” if it kills me.
  • There’s been some waxing going on and I don’t mean the vehicles. Ouch! Pain is not my friend.
  • I’ve been disgusted with American Idol and decided to not waste my time watching it. That has actually saved time.
  • Furniture has moved from room to room because that’s what I do from time to time. I do it a lot.
  • I’ve been working out, but I still don’t know how much I’ve lost. I haven’t weighed myself since January 22nd. The good news is: I can wear the jeans I wore in January and they are loose with no “muffin top”. The better news is: I can now wear a size smaller with a “muffin top”, but who cares. I can get them over my thighs and zip those pants.
  • I’ve tried to write things totally unrelated to this blog. Yes. I’ve cheated on you. Sorry!
  • Change of weather changes my mood, which makes me want to change more things in the house. I’m getting ready to spend some time painting.

So….I’m sorry that I’ve stepped away, but I guess it will happen from time to time. I will post when I post. I may go an hour or a week, but I’ll get here eventually and I will also get to your blog.