As I work tirelessly, in and out of my mind on things, please enjoy this moment.
Presented by my slut of an elf (Sammy).
The gift of giving…..it to them.
Elfin magic at it’s best.
Yeah…..We’ve all made it through another week and if you know someone who hasn’t, then….I guess that statement was inaccurate and insensitive…SO….Let’s correct that one.
Yeah…..Almost all of us have made it through another week.
I’ve learned that:
My husband is a mother
fucker. No seriously, he is. I am a mother and we have sex. So…..Really, this is true.
Striking out some of the letters of my profanity or inappropriate banter, makes me seem more sensitive and less trashy. Sassy! Sensitive and sort of trashy-classy.
It’s my fault my children forget to do their homework….OR….so I am told.
I’m also to blame for his/her sibling being born. NOW….That one I can’t argue with. I definitely had a part in that
I like bacon more than exercise.
My new coffee pot is annoying. It dispenses the coffee straight to your cup or bowl….whatever…..BUT…..It makes this annoying sound. Say “errrrrr” with a gravely tone to your voice. That’s what I get to hear each time I get my coffee. I finally figured out what that sound reminds me of……a vibrator. SO…..Mr. Coffee may be on to something, at least for the ladies, or anyone else loving such trinkets. See…..Those Maxwell House International Coffee ads always showed women talking about some lover they met and how the coffee brought back memories. Mr. Coffee now gives you an imaginary orgasm or the memory of one, each time you pour your coffee. Kind of genius.
The sound of the air coming out of a balloon would be the men’s equivalent to the women’s Mr. Coffee. I mean really, it seems letting out gas is orgasmic to some.
Carry on weekenders!