Fired Up On Facebook


There can’t possibly be that many problems without solutions. Who has the last copy of Problem Solving for Dummies book? I think we’re gonna need it.

FIRED UP:
I just read this from a mother of a 6-year-old boy.
"I still pray every night for him to be free of Down Syndrome, that is one of my duties as his parent and guardian."
Maybe she should be praying for a more loving, compassionate and accepting heart.

Oz may be a movie, but flying monkeys exist in human form. REALIZE: They lack power, as long as you know they’re just cymbal banging, teeth-grinning creatures, whose only purpose is to make noise.

Photo: Oz may be a movie, but flying monkeys exist in human form. REALIZE: They lack power, as long as you know they're just cymbal banging, teeth-grinning creatures, whose only purpose is to make noise.

Waiting for a sign is just a different way of saying: "I’m too scared to make the decision I know I need to, so I’m waiting for something to happen in order to justify it."

Don’t feel sorry for individuals with special needs or their families.They know what it is to have strength.
If you must: Feel sorry and pray for people who pretend to care about them while patronizing and judging behind their backs. They are weak.

"It’s complicated. It’s a process. (blah, blah, blah)"
FACT: Some things are quite simple and don’t need to be drawn out. A bit of common sense, decency and intellect travel far.
BUT: We like to hear ourselves talk, admire our place and/or be the paperwork martyr. All the while, turning people into wordy diagnoses that we shove in a prelabeled box we call "A Plan".
**Gotta go put my little diagnoses to bed. I hope he doesn’t do anything to defy his label. It’s such a hassle to get a new box out. And Sharpies are expensive.**

Someone got dementia in the divorces, but it wasn’t me.


Due to distractions, I wasn’t going to write anything tonight,  but I couldn’t help myself. Sometimes a situation or a person with a narcissistic personality disorder warrants a post to be born. In this case, it would be the latter.

To celebrate my anniversary I posted Jodie Foster inspired me.  It seems that one of the spouse-no-mores, (you know) was very troubled by my words.

YOUR VERSION OF REALITY: 

  • You claim to have found the link to this off one of our Facebook pages (1st fucking lie).
  • You said you only knew about the blog because one of the kids reads it (2nd fucking lie). 
  • You said the post was about you (3rd fucking lie or 1st delusion).
  • You  claim that everyone is reading my blog (2nd delusion). Can you make that happen?
  • Then, you called me demented (4th fucking lie, 3rd delusion and a total ignorance for vocabulary).

ACTUAL REALITY:

  • I rarely link one of these posts  to  a personal Facebook account. Believe it or not, this blog isn’t for everyone. AND….I didn’t link this one. Besides, we’re not FB friends with you! I do however have a lovely blog about my beautiful son if you want to stalk visit that one: A Dose of Justice. 
  • The kids know they aren’t allowed to read this blog. I have total faith in them. IF……. I’m wrong, then having one be a deceitful sneaky person, should concern you more than my adult blog. 
  • Seriously? The post was about myself and my amazing husband, who I have rocking sex with all the time. Do you need me to repeat anything? Sorry, but you didn’t even make the highlight reel. A little full of ourselves, are we?
  • I have it on good authority that half of Brazil is not quite aware of my blog. You got your facts wrong.
  • So let’s address the demented comment. Shall we??!!?? I think you need the definition of the word.

(bing.com · Bing Dictionary)

de·ment·ed

[ di méntəd ]

  1. entirely irrational: completely unreasonable or lacking any sense of the consequences of actions taken
  2. affected with dementia: affected by the loss of intellectual functions that is associated with dementia

WHAT I THINK IS DEMENTED:

  • To lie so naturally, you can’t recognize the truth anymore.
  • To use manipulation (guilt, threats, fear, anger) with a child/children to feel superior.
  • To suggest your spouse-no-more has something sexually wrong with them because they didn’t want to touch you anymore. HINT: It’s called sexual attraction.
  • To pretend you didn’t break your wedding vows over and over again, use physical force in the relationship, and degrade your spouse-no-more with every word and action.
  • To act like everything bad you did, your spouse-no-more actually did when telling “stories”.
  • To believe that anyone with “real” self-esteem, who isn’t socially, emotionally and physically constipated, is DEMENTED.
  • LASTLY…….To view my blog. Did you really think you would like it? HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW!!!!!!

 

Should mullets make a comeback?


I’m going to let someone else entertain you today. I’d like to breakdown your brain cells by exposing you to my inappropriate friend Stirling and his equally damaged partner in comedy.

Wild Mullet Kingdom: Episode 1 “The Capture” (Uncensored)

All roads lead to Walmart.


Forgive the crappy pic. I have a dumb phone (by choice) and don’t carry my smart camera with me.

SO……….There we were, hubby and me, having a heated debate about something stupid. Our arguments are pointless, but “mood swing” relationships keep the good times going. ANYWAY……..We’re in the parking lot of Walmart (where I should own stock), when a George Costanza look-alike and his lovely companion pull up. We immediately stopped arguing and laughed so hard we cried. The only thing that would’ve been better, is if he lifted his companion off of his crotch before exiting the car.

Even roadkill/woodkill gets to shop at Walmart.

Deer in car 1

AND………I think it’s too late for the seatbelt!

Sorry for the non-phallic length. Get comfy!


Sometimes, when a “grown” adult, shows their ass (…not literally…thank goodness…) by insulting a person for no other reason than: “grown” adult is ignorant, under/over-medicated, drunk, or just plain unstable…………I have to laugh inside, after feeling deeply sorry for their apparent issues. This happened quite recently, when Someone Having Inborn Troubles (S.H.I.T) called me a “fucking psychopath”. I don’t know if S.H.I.T thought I would be angry, start to cry or what. BUT………I thought it was trashy and sad.

Psycho or misunderstood?

Let me give you the back story on why S.H.I.T called me this: _____(?)_____ Okay. You know as much as I do. Of course, I could speculate. BUT………..My made up ideas would be as bad as their made up reasons for lashing out, SO…………I won’t go there. I am quite curious to understand the breakdown of their insult though.

Things that make you go hmmmm!

*fuck·ing*

damned; confounded (used as an intensifier).

OKAY………So there really isn’t much to address here. If you are going to throw out the word psychopath, bitch, slut, or even dumbass………..I guess adding this word in front adds “umph”. Good for you for showing some extra initiative.

Nice application!

*psy·cho·path*

a person with a psychopathic personality, which manifests as amoral and antisocial behavior, lack of ability to love or establish meaningful personal relationships, extreme egocentricity, failure to learn from experience

      a·mor·al

      1. not involving questions of right or wrong; without moral quality; neither moral nor immoral.

      2. having no moral standards, restraints, or principles; unaware of or indifferent to questions of right or wrong: a completely amoral person.

      e·go·cen·tric

      1. having or regarding the self or the individual as the center of all things: an egocentric philosophy that ignores social causes.

      2. having little or no regard for interests, beliefs, or attitudes other than one’s own; self-centered: an egocentric person; egocentric demands upon the time and patience of others.

This is a lot to work through.

SO………Let’s address this.

  • I’m not amoral, except on this blog.
  • I understand and comply with the rules of right and wrong. WELL……..Maybe not when I told my daughter and her friends that the boy group One Direction died after suffocating in their skinny jeans.
  • I have moral standards, restraints and principles. AND………To be clear………what goes on in my bedroom, with my hubby, doesn’t factor in. BUT………..we definitely have restraints.
  • I couldn’t confuse myself as being the center of things if I wanted to. My life revolves around my family, who know its all about me.
  • I am passionate about social causes, especially those involving children. I fully endorse child labor.
  • I take a great interest in my friend’s lives and what they are passionate about. Well, as long as it pertains to me.
  • I am open to other’s beliefs and attitudes. So what if I don’t agree with your sorry ass views.
  • I don’t demand attention from others. Please make sure to “chain letter” my blog posting to 20 of your friends or you suck.

SERIOUSLY……….All joking aside. Except for all of the sentences beginning with “I”, I am not egocentric. I am not amoral, and therefore, am not a psychopath. Besides, if I really were a psycho, you shouldn’t call me one. Real psychos wouldn’t remain calm and mature. They would go off on your ass and for less than name calling.

BUT……..I don’t want you going through life worrying about knowing a psychopath, and a “fucking” one at that……..I will make some promises, based on the definitions above, so you sleep with both eyes shut.

I will not:

hate someone because I wanted “their love” to date a person of my choosing.

send nasty text messages to “?”, and then forward them to “?’s” minor child and spouse.

get drunk and grab people’s private parts.

kill animals or people, except with humor.

invite men over to my home when my spouse isn’t around.

cheat and blame someone else.

encourage friends to stray, but criticize “non-friends” who cheat.

surf porn while reading the Bible.

curse and degrade my children for sport.

befriend someone, while secretly working to put their job/child visitation and freedom at risk.

flaunt my son’s special needs for my own amusement/attention.

pretend my mini-van is cool.

encourage my kids to do/say inappropriate things so I can put it on the internet.

think everything that is said or done is all about me.

become jealous and devalue (publically) others for skills they possess that I don’t.

lie about my age more than 2x.

think its cool to have minions.

go through friends like underwear because I’m insecure.

get jealous when others get attention.

wear white after labor day, unless it yellowed.

abuse the generosity of others.

get upset if my friends have other friends they spend time with.

say horrible, insensitive things when people are at their lowest.

double dip with the peanut butter.

try to turn people against each other because I need a project for the day.

be a S.H.I.T and take my problems out on others.

(Not that any of this matters to someone who doesn’t read my blog anyway, right??!!??)

I’ve been learning sign language.

It got behind me in a big way and I got screwed.


That’s right people. No warning, no protection and no lubricant to ease the pain. BUT……….Thank the lord. No gerbils either. I mean really, who does that shit (pun intended) to a defenseless little animal? Screaming wouldn’t do any good. After all, I asked for it in my own way. Thankfully, the healing has begun and I think it will go back to normal soon.

OKAY……..That was for my naughty friends, who have a deviant lifestyle or wish they did. NOW……Let me translate for all those who think I have parking garage in my backyard. I DON’T.

Translation: Life got away from me the last couple of months. It really messed with the “born out of OCD  plans I always have for myself. It’s true. I was clueless to what would happen with the kids out of school for the summer. Aside from beating them into submission (again…for my deviant friends….you know who you are), there wasn’t much I could do, besides drink,  to ease the chaos. Thankfully, I didn’t cave in to their demand of getting little caged animals. Yelling at them was futile though. It just added to the noise in the house. It’s my fault though. I got pregnant and kept those little burdens bundles of joy. Thankfully, the kids have returned to SOL Prison, which is fondly called public school. With them gone, I’ve been drinking less and getting stuff done.

OKAY………So now that you’ve gotten a little taste, I have to step away from the computer tonight. Cowboy is getting a little jealous. I might have to take the horse out of the barn so he can ride. AND……….No bareback. What am I, a masochist? With three Things and The Cute One running around, I don’t need more.

Goodnight my dear friends. I hope it was good for you. BUT……I won’t take offense if you lie through your fucking teeth and fake a blogging orgasm. Isn’t that what most people do???!!!????

My OCD says, I have to tell you that I have a lot of postings to come. Sorry for my slackassness! AND Yes…….My OCD talks to me.

Doing it old school……high school that is.


OKAY………So I debated about this post for a bit. Sorry to go all juvenile on you guys, but it must be done.  In the past two years, I’ve had to deal with a few people unraveling……….0 to 60 for no clear reason. If I thought my health insurance would cover it, I’d get the magnet removed that causes the attraction.  Let me clear things up for several people.

  • I am not responsible if your family gets murdered.
  • My husband and I are not swingers. BUT…..….If we were, sorry…….You two are not our type.
  • I believe people should pay their debts, even if you owe a millionaire money.
  • It’s poor form to grab my husband’s crotch and act like it was an accident.
  • Stealing someone’s property is ILLEGAL!
  • I exercise to stay in shape, not to piss you off.
  • Sending my hubby messages via Facebook and/or phone is unwise.
  • Make no mistake, my husband is on my side.
  • I heard you did me a favor by being my friend. Gee……Thanks!
  • Not everything is about you.
  • I’ve only posted about one (the Despicable One). Up until this post, you’ve just been feeding into your own paranoia.
  • No one gets to mess with my kids without some backlash.
  • I don’t care how drunk someone is. I don’t like people grabbing my breasts.
  • Coming into my home and being mean to my friends, is beyond uncool.
  • Before you start calling people names, you should really look up the definitions of the words you use.
  • My kids can hear their sailor talk from me, but thanks for the free language arts lesson.
  • Your world is very small, but mine isn’t.
  • I love drama, but only on the stage.
  • Heavy drinking is not my idea of socializing. I have a life and a liver to protect.
  • My husband’s tolerance of your disrespect for him, doesn’t make him a wimp…….it makes him a gentleman.
  • It’s okay to close the bridge without feeling like you have to set it on fire.
  • We share a different idea of success and a different set of values.
  • Most of the problems we’ve had……….are all in your head.
  • We will never be friends again, but I wish you the best………because that’s how I roll!

Songs about killing and hatred……Does someone need a hug?


Shocking as it may seem………I am not a fan of cop killing, gay bashing or racist songs. To be blunt, they seem pretty fucking unnecessary to me. OH……….Did I fail to mention how ignorant they are? I suppose there are people, who think these songs are super cool and badass, but there are also people who eat their boogers, even into adulthood. Just sayin’!

Perhaps I would have more respect for these artists……….SORRY…….…I had to throw up in my mouth a little…….…if the lyrics were more honest.I mean, why do you really want to kill cops? Let’s be honest. It’s because you want to do various horrible, immoral and illegal things. Some of these things may include: rape, murder, beatings, robbery, drug dealing…….and so on and so forth. You want to do these things and be left alone. Sorry! I guess life isn’t fair. Didn’t your momma teach you that? Perhaps you should sing songs about the lawmakers as well. After all, they may have something to do with the laws the police are supposed to enforce. And how about the President of the United States? I suppose he endorses your behavior? Why not write song lyrics about your grandma? Unless you think she approves of your behavior. Oh……and for those who feel they are justified because of some kind of police brutality…….I have never heard a song naming Officer John Doe. The “brotherhood” does not mean every officer is accountable for another officer’s actions. If my sibling screws someone over…….WELL……It ain’t my fault. Seriously! So stop calling me!

AND……..How about you homophobes? Is it really necessary to announce to the world how you feel about sexual orientations other than those that are heterosexual. Screams out insecurity to me. What are you afraid of? Rejection??!!??

AND LASTLY……..Does the world need to know you are an ignorant racist? I’m referring to all the shades of racism.

Since these songs seem to be so popular among a limited “so smart they seem stupid” audience, I think we should expand. I think we should have songs about hating the dentist. Let’s face it……..going to the dentist sucks. How about slurs against the Disney Channel for running shows that make our children think parents don’t really exist? I’m currently writing a song about killing stirrup pants. Lord knows, we don’t need to bring those back. Here are some other ideas we can rage about:

  • eating vegetables
  • brushing our teeth
  • washing our hands
  • putting the toilet seat down
  • calling someone after you sleep with them
  • homework
  • flossing
  • pretending you like your in-laws

Let me know if anyone can come up with some really incredible song lyrics!

Jeremie Mouithsone: Who?


SO……Here is a letter I received in my inbox last night.

 

Hello,

My name is Jeremie Mouithsone, I’m launching a guys and girl’s go-to magazine for everything from the coolest new sex advice to the most powerful sexual attraction tips; our aim is arm men and women with the tools to create and live a better sex life, and have more fun doing it.

(OKAY……I googled his name and found a lot. A lot of stuff he created for himself, to promote who knows what, with no follow through. His public Facebook page has a lovely “going to prom” pic though.)

Objectives:

The primary objectives of Sexthismonth magazine will be to provide readers with personalize tips and advice related to their sexual experiences (If they already had it, then isn’t it too late? I don’t think these situations are suited for armchair quarterbacking.), in order to help them achieve the following goals:
Create the sexual experience they desire and deserve.
Eliminate sexual barriers that may be holding them back. (Like a family and kids?)
Providing them with ways to not only enjoy, but adore their bodies, as well their partner’s bodies. (TIP: Don’t look at yourself in dressing room mirrors. For that matter….Just don’t look. Lights out and blindfold on. You’d be amazed how great your partner will look.)
Harmonize, and as well as creating sparks back into relationships and marriages.

The magazine website is under development as we speak: www.sexthismonth.com

(The shell of a site does exist.)

First publication: January 1, 2013/ digital version.

We are looking for contributors for the upcoming magazine and its website, and because of your expertise we would like to ask if you’ll consider joining our contributors team. We’ve had a look at your work, and feel that your expertise would make for a great submission!

(I would love to know what expertise he believes I have. You know…..He must have talked to my Indian friend about our sexual conversation. Perhaps my expertise involves yelling expletives at solicitors on the phone. That is hot! BUT……He said he has looked at my work. I’m pretty sure my husband took those pics off of YouTube.)

Below is a short explanation of why you should join our contributors team.

Why join the team:

The site will grow fast and your contribution will give you a good exposure, as your contents is seen by millions of people. Our aim is to provide users with personalize and high quality articles everyday and we need your help to make this a reality.

(WELL…..Although your language skills are amazing, and the exposure you are offering is tempting, I don’t think I would be able to provide millions of people with personalize articles. That’s a lot of personalize to do.)

 

Were will the magazine be first seen by readers?

The magazine will first be release online (digital version) and via the following channels.
At our website: http://www.sexthismonth.com
iPhone
iPad
www.magzeter.com
www.magcloud.com (Awesome…..I created a magazine when I was twelve. I published (in my home with notebook paper/pencil/crayon) 3 issues, which I sold for a nickel and that was just to read them. I still have them. Maybe I’ll publish them and give you some healthy competition.)

http://www.issuu.com

One of the above channels will provide readers with an option of getting a print version of the issue they’re willing to purchase.

 

Benefits of Joining the team:
Your article will be featured for readers to see. (I suppose if they print it out, they could also use my article for toilet tissue.)
You can promote your own portfolio, website, along with your biography in the Author Information box at the end of each post, in both website and its monthly publication. (Hmmmmmm……You sure know how to tempt a girl.)
You’ll have an opportunity to both own our company shares, and a monthly salary as soon as the magazine start generating revenue. (SO……I see there is an opportunity in the future for me to PAY you for some shares. Sounds like a solid investment. OH…..And how awesome a salary would be, but the magazine has to generate revenue. I wonder when you’ll decide that will be??!!??)

Our aim is to create a focus-oriented strategy for all contents, which will give you an opportunity to become an expert in a particular field in the long-term. ( I thought I was an expert already? So you’re saying, If I have a focus-oriented strategy for my content, then I will become an expert in a particular field and long-term. IF that’s the case, I think I should write about medicine or law. There’s a lot more money to be had once I’m a medical or legal expert.)

 

What’ll be included in each articles:
Full Name / First Name: depending what you prefer to be know as. (I prefer to sign things CHUMP.)
Web site URL: you don’t have to have a website, you can link to your twitter or any other social media account
Bio: a short piece of text describing who you are and what you do.
Gravatar: if you don’t have a gravatar you should sign up, its a free service that will benefit any posts or comments you make, and show a small picture of yourself so readers can easily identify you.

What kind of content are we looking for?
Sexual, Erotic, romance articles that readers will always remember. (I can’t remember all my sexual experiences, but you think someone will remember an article on sex?)
Foods and meals that boost sexual desires. (Lots of alcohol.)
Sport tips that boost sexual desires. (Ass slapping! Oh wait…..athletes already do that, but I don’t think it turns them on, or does it?)
Fashion for sexual attraction (T-shirts that say: “I’m an easy lay.” or “I’m on the pill.” or “I’m still a virgin.” AND……for women…..”I have a job.” or “I promise to remember your name.” or “I’m not married.”)
sex tutorials, and more. (Those are in my private collection.)

When will the first issue be published?
The first publication is schedule for January 1, 2013, whiele we’re working on its website. With that being, in order to get more understand our what our audience needs (I thought they needed sex stuff.)
and want may look like in the futre we’ll therefore release a mini version of the first issue latest August 31, 2012. This means, we’ll need you to provide with your contribution latest June 15, should you decide to proceed. (Oh crap, it looks like you sent me this email 5 days too late. I can’t believe I’m going to miss out on this great opportunity. I can’t submit something to you, have you possibly post it, tell me there are tons of subscribers ready to buy in January and then ask me for money to buy some shares. Meanwhile…..This thing never sees the light of day and I lose my money. Damn…..I really wish I could be on this gravy train.)

Contribution timetable:
And below are some of the options we think my might work best for the both of us:
1. One article per month for the magazine issue delivered to me by the 15 of the month, every month, 800 words per article.
2. One articles per month delivered on an agreed date for the website, 1000 words per article every month.

We would send you an agreement for you to sign as soon as we have your final say. (I have seen your twitter and MySpace page and all the other stuff you opened for yourself. You are too much like the mighty OZ. I don’t think we run in the same circles and I’m not good at the hamster wheel……….SO………..I’ll have to decline. I wouldn’t want to bring the quality of your ventures to an all-time low.)

Thank you again for consedering being part of the team and we definitely look forward to working with you! ( That’s flattering. You may want to check out your FB page though. It seems that someone isn’t too happy to be working with you. He wants his money back for some ads and so do his friends. It sucks to have trouble in paradise so early on. That’s the price you pay when you are a media mogul.)

Wishing you all the best,
Jeremie Mouithsone

(Wishing you the best too. Can I have some spam with that?)