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Tag Archives: life crap

I felt my kid’s pain. Literally…..They were a pain in my ass.

30 May

I had a busy holiday weekend. By the time it was over, the internet had gone out. I wasn’t too thrilled about it, but I wasn’t devastated like the Things were. One Thing in particular called me on the intercom 3x to complain and cry (literally) about the Xbox Live being down. It was heartbreaking. I mean….what was my Thing to do with only the satellite working, the PSP, the DS, the Wii, the pre-installed computer games…….AND……..wait for it…………..THE OUTDOORS!

We finally got it up and running this afternoon. You would’ve thought they got bumped up to the #1 slot on the transplant list. It makes you wonder how we, the non-tech generation, survived. AND…….I really don’t think Atari counts. Although, Commodore computers were pretty tight.

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Failure to Launch: Friday Frenzy (yesterday)

26 May

OKAY…….My bad.

I missed Friday Frenzy because I was in a frenzy. Literally, I was in a “mind” killing frenzy last night and pretty much this morning.

I feel that working out my violent tendencies in my head, prevents me from acting out on anything in real life.

 PLUS…… I so don’t want to go to prison and give up my satellite television, watered down beer and……oh yeah…..Freedom!

OH…….And I really don’t want to be someone’s bitch. Well, maybe if they pay the mortgage and…….OH CRAP…..I am somebody’s bitch.

I will try to get my much-anticipated post out later today. I’m sure the suspense will kill most of you, but only in my mind.

DISCLAIMER: No people were harmed outside of my mind.

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Friday Frenzy (5/18/12)

18 May

It’s that time again.

Life wasn’t as thrilling this week, so forgive me, but I’m going to fill the void with graphics.

(Google Images: mommysaidaswearword and Google for all other pics)

I spent almost $100 this week at the hair salon. Can I call it a salon when it’s in the same strip mall as the grocery store? For those of you with gutter minds, I am not referring in any way to strippers. Although, when it gets dark, I hear some crazy things happen behind that building. ANYWAY….I think we are all going to have to go “stranded on an island” or “caveman” style to save money…….OR…….We could take a stab at trying to cut each other’s hair. I’ve got some scrapbook scissors that could work wonders.

The Cute One had another therapy session. He is working on standing unassisted and getting off of furniture the right way. Apparently, falling off isn’t correct. Someone should alert the drunks.

I’ve been burning a hole in my YMCA membership card this week. It’s taken a lot out of me since I’m not accustomed to such activities. I’ve had to prioritize, with the bit of energy I had left at the end of each day. Since I am legally obligated to take care of my children and I’d go more insane if my house went to complete crap………..the computer was not high on my list.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 have a very large social studies packet to complete for school. They were given a week to finish half of it, but they were moving too slowly. I bribed them with extra video game time this week. Shocker! It worked.

I guess I worked myself sick at the Y. I had some crazy “not quite” 24 hour bug. On the upside……It probably helped my weight loss goals a bit.

Update: SO…….Despicable Me,  who owes Cowboy money, finally paid him half of it (what they claim is half….doubts about that) . Despicable restated they aren’t responsible. Really? YOU SEE……They passed the buck. They gave SuckUDry (per them: known to be untrustworthy and owes them money…HMMMMMM!) our property. SuckUDry sold it and kept the money. SO……Even though the deal was made with Despicable Me, we get paid when SuckUDry pays them. Here lies a valuable lesson when you want to screw with someone.  Promise to do something, involve a third-party to lie, steal, whatever………AND THEN……Claim no responsibility. It’s like the people who pop out kids and then pawn them off on others to raise. I bet those kids don’t blame their real parents. After all, they passed the buck. It’s not their responsibility. What a convenient way to live!

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It’s all fun and games until someone gains weight. *Part One*

15 May

OR……As the case may be, it’s all food and drinks.

It’s been a while, but here is my weight loss update.

I’m in an abusive relationship……with myself. Listen. I know it’s wrong and I should stop, but it’s so love-hate, I don’t know what to do. I am emotionally, mentally, physically and possibly (although I cannot confirm or deny) sexually abusive to myself. AND……Why? It’s all in the name of weight loss. NOW……This type of motivational abuse isn’t for everyone. In fact, it can be quite damaging. SO……Don’t try this at home, unless you are by yourself. The repercussions can be quite messy if you aren’t accustomed. AND…….Under no circumstances is anyone else allowed to be abusive to you for any reason. GOT IT!??!

How it began.

At first I was nice to myself. I told myself (inside voice…literally) I was attractive and looked pretty good in my jeans. My teeth were crap, but I wasn’t going to bash myself for that. I was paying the orthodontist good money to fix that debacle. My hair was a hot mess 70% of the time, but what guy gives a crap about your hair anyway. SO……I guess I mean everything from the neck down. That’s what bags are for anyway. Right asshole guys? I ate whatever I wanted and didn’t worry about exercising. Who has time for that crap?!!?

After having two kids in my thirties, I was still able to fit into a size six. Things were still the same. NOW…….I’m not going to lie. My daughter took the bulk of my breasts and is probably saving for her puberty. After giving birth to her, I was left with what can only be called “National Geographic breasts”, and I think you all know what I mean. I’ve seen quite a few tribal women hanging loose in that mag. I had no interest in this. SO…….Thanks to a wonderful doctor, who got paid to manipulate my upper region without a worry of having to buy me dinner, my girls went back to an upright position.

Things were going well, until I married the man I love and got comfortable. Damn comfort zone! He works nights, so I got into the habit of staying up into the wee hours and eating junk late at night. I was always too tired to exercise the next day. AND……People actually liked this husband, so I was drinking more socially. I noticed the weight creeping up on me when I had to wear tummy tightening gear to fit into my jeans, but I was too busy eating, drinking and being tired to do much about it. Then at 40, I had another baby. Heads up people….not a good way to get your metabolism into high gear. That’s how you go from a 6 to a 14 in 4 years.

This is when the abuse began………………….TO BE CONTINUED

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Friday Frenzy (5/11/12)

11 May

  It’s that time again people.

I am super excited about my earnings with WordPress. Every since they put ads on my page, I’ve been raking it in.  SO FAR…..I’ve made 0.98¢.

My wrists hurt from kickboxing class. WTF! Of course, my ankles are in excrutiating pain after a few rounds of paper, rocks, scissors……AND….Don’t even get me started on paper cuts while using the treadmill.

I can finally fit into a pair of shorts I wore back in 2006. The fact that they have an elastic waistband should not cancel out the achievement.

The infamous person (I will call them: “Despicable Me”), who owes my Cowboy money and refuses to pay, is now offering to handle other people’s money. I have to LMAO about that one. I hope the minions figure it out before they lose their shirts. Seriously, if a buck can be made, those shirts will be taken.

I admit it: I am a blocker. Even though I have felt the sting (heavy sarcasm) of being blocked on Facebook, I have blocked a few people myself. NOW………I actually had a good reason. I blocked a con artist, who has committed felonies and is currently breaking the law with an offense I will not mention. I also blocked an insane woman, who made several false accusations against people. These claims were horrific and would end up in serious jail time if anyone took them seriously. I just found out her latest lie, which was a claim of attempted murder, was discovered to be untrue. The person was set free. NOW………That’s what blocking on Facebook is used for people.

Our yard sucks. We don’t have a good place to put a play set or a swing for The Cute One. It finally occurred to us to bring the fun inside the house. This is the highlight of my week and his. Okay…..he doesn’t look too excited here, but trust me, inside, he is going nuts.

Bloody Blocks Justice Swings 003

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Mother’s say what?

9 May

As Mother’s Day approaches, I thought we’d break from the usual nonsense and read some words of potential wisdom.

Viewpoints on motherhood and caring for the home:

  • Motherhood is the biggest on-the-job training program in existence today. (Erma Bombeck)
  • God could not be everywhere, so he made mothers (Jewish Proverb)
  • Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. (Phyllis Diller)
  • We’re all in this together — by ourselves. (Lily Tomlin)
  • Naming your baby after the beer you were stank ass drunk on when you conceived, well, it’s just a bad idea. Unless it’s Miller. That’s kind of nice.  (Lorre – Articles of Absurdity)

Advice given by their mothers:

  • If you always do what interests you, at least one person will be pleased. (Mother’s Advice to Katherine Hepburn)
  • My mother said to me, “If you become a soldier, you’ll be a general; if you become a monk, you’ll end up the pope.” Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso. (Pablo Picasso)
  • Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches. (Alice Roosevelt Longworth)
  • It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself. (Eleanor Roosevelt)
  • Time wounds all heels. (Jane Ace)

Thanks Google Images.

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WARNING: He is contagious!

5 May

Don’t be alarmed. I mean it in a good, politically correct way. His mood is contagious. It’s like yawning. Once someone does it, then we all start to yawn. AND…..That is not unlike the yawning you are doing now while reading this.

Justice May 5th 007                                      Justice May 5th 008

There are people who just don’t get it. Moods are contagious. You can get them with your clothes on and without exchanging any type of bodily fluids. Once you’ve caught someone’s mood, it’s hard to shake. If the mood you catch is good, then you’ve lucked out. Not only will you feel better, but you will then spread it around to others. BUT……If the mood is negative, then you just got screwed, and as I said, not the way you previously thought to catch something so nasty. Not only will your mood plummet to dark places, but you will spread it to others like the plague. It’s a real shame they don’t offer face masks or gloves that can keep bad moods from spreading. Washing your hands won’t help either.

Maybe THOSE people do get it. After all, misery loves company.

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Pimped out for $80.You should see what you get for $100!

4 May

I suppose these pics would be better if I had actually thought of taking BEFORE shots, but my brain didn’t register that idea at the time.  SO…..Imagine gramma-lavender walls with fake, vintage-cream tins, holding dried-girlie flowers and an awkward over-the-toilet shelf, with loads of annoying bathroom paraphernalia. NOW….new paint, crazy popping flower art, shelves….blah, blah, blah………..

  New bathroom 003New bathroom 005

Now….The comment about washing hands is mostly for the kids and the rest is really for all the MALE FOLK. Just making sure you have words to contemplate while pissing in my toilet. Please keep it in the bowl!

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Road of Regret

19 Apr

Another gives me medicine

What I need to be with you

A supplement if you please

That satisfies the deficiency

You are leaving in me

Fantasies that keep me breathing…heavy

Instead of dying and turning cold

The complex pleasures of my mind

Twist and turn down to places I imagine

Places we never go anymore

Such things my heart can’t admit

My body can’t deny

I turn words into foreplay

A look becomes an experience I’ll never know

And my soul stays buried

But the love I have for you was raped

I try to deny and forget, but nothing works

The thoughts run me like an engine

Too fast to touch

Turning what we have left into a mockery

I’m trying to keep it clear in my heart and head

Trying to get back to the start

But separations are cloudy

When you’re both in my bed

One lying near and one in my thoughts

One a fool and the other in the dark

So sad are the reasons I am denied

Still, I hold the guilt in front of me

So I can never forget

And confuse one line for another

My road of regret

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Access

18 Apr

Access…..

Restricted to those who play

The games…..

Of hearts and minds

A conviction to stay

Right in the middle

Blood marks the kill

Freedom…..

Will run red

So fast

The tunnels will turn

Flaming forever

Until flesh

Starts to burn

Incision…..

So fine

The stab of the knife

Lending to darkness

Then came the light

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