Throwback Thursday? How about Bludgeon Thursday instead?


In honor of Throwback Thursday, I thought I’d throw back a few old posts.

How many you ask?

245

As many of you already know, all of my original posts were temporarily removed in order to wipe my blog slate clean for my public declaration regarding my walk with Christ. Temporarily removing my work was merely a way to eliminate any distractions from new readers.

With that being said……I prayed about it. Agree or not, I’ve put back all my original work. There is no editing of content in posts or comments.

There are many reasons for just slapping everything back up as is.

  1. Editing? Ain’t nobody got time for that. With 245 posts? What a waste of valuable time! It would literally be my life’s work. An unknown’s comfort level is not worth my children starving and my hygiene hitting rock bottom.
  2. It’s all me.  I am not ashamed of me. I’m not ashamed of me in the past, present or well……the future would be a hard one to put in here. I am who I am today because of who I was yesterday and all those other days too. Pretending it didn’t exist in writing because of curse words, brutal honesty or sexual innuendos would be denying a history. If you forget where you’ve been, how do you know if you’ve gone anywhere?
  3. I keep everything I write. It’s like keeping old photographs. It’s how I express myself and it’s all relevant to me.
  4. If I am going to be judged for this decision, it won’t be by you, or you, or you. I say that with the utmost respect.

Now….I’m sorry, but I didn’t go through the posts to see which ones contained a PG versus a PG-14 rating, or which ones had strong language.

SOLUTION:

I suggest you use caution when navigating….or….make the choice to stay with the new stuff. I can’t be responsible for any stumbling or falling off the wagon that might take place. Although, I don’t think I have that type of influence. And.I can’t apologize to people who decide to explore my previous content and then get offended or displeased about anything. My blog was born out of self-expression. It thrived on absurdity, humor, sarcasm, brutal honesty and full-blown emotional venting.  It’s an evolution of my mind. Kind of like an episode of hoarders, but with words instead of a collection of old papers, electronics and old McDonald’s toys.

IN A NUTSHELL:

PAST/PRESENT/FUTURE - I stand by my content, although not everyone will always love my approach. I will continue to be honest and direct and because I am flawed, I will continue with the personal TMI. Keeping it real people. Keeping it real.

Cooking and singing lead to sex talk.


SO…….Thing 1 (12-years-old) was watching reality television with me last night. It doesn’t seem surprising that reality TV would lend itself to sexual issues, but we weren’t  watching Bad Girls or The Bachelor/ette. AND…….Big Brother doesn’t come on for a few more months. I thought I was safe, but clearly, I was wrong.

WE WERE WATCHING:

images[3]

On this show,  aspiring or established chefs compete with merely the taste of their food to get who the hell knows what.  Seriously,  I haven’t gotten far enough into the show to care. BUT……..Last night a woman said the judges would have a mouth orgasm when they tasted her food. For a second, I thought it had escaped him. Then, Thing 1 asks: “What’s an orgasm?”

imagesCA1HQ1RS

Suddenly, I’m in an awkward position. Do I pretend I don’t hear him and change the subject? Do I tell him not to worry about it and forget he heard that word? THEN……. I think about him asking some kid in school who eats his own earwax. What the fuck is that dude gonna say? Do I really want my kid asking dumbasses at school what shit means? Hells no!!

imagesCA484KMY

That won’t work! I don’t want to be the cause of kids around America substituting the word imagination with masturbation.

imagesCAT4CCH2

Oh my goodness. I definitely don’t want to go there.

ME: You don’t need to say that word. It’s a sex word.

Thing 1: Oh?

ME: It has to do with feeling good.

Thing 1: (looks at me as if to need more information)

ME: Boys your age or a bit older can make themselves feel good all on their own in the privacy of their room.

Thing 1: (red faced and clearly uncomfortable….) Okay mom. I’m good. Let’s stop talking about this now.

After that little adventure, WE MOVED ON TO:

images[5]

On of the girls trying out was a young single mom. She began talking about her struggles being so young and raising a child on her own.

Thing 1: That was really dumb not waiting to have a kid. People should wait.

ME:  (pumped up from my previous little convo) I don’t think it was thought out. Things like that happen when people are too busy having fun and not being careful.

Thing 1: Well, I’m never going to do stuff like that.

ME: You say that now, but you’ll see a girl some day and get really excited about touching her boobies and that will lead to something else.

Thing 1: (uncomfortable laughing)

ME: Don’t do something stupid and mess up your life or some girl’s life. Be good or be safe.

Thing 1: Okay. I’m not going to do anything.

ME: Well…..If you aren’t smart, the best case…..you get an infection that requires the doctor. It’s possible you get some girl pregnant and then life as you know it……bye, bye. Worst case is a disease that kills you. It might take a few years, but you’ll die. Just saying.

Thing 1: I’m going to bed mom. (….20 minutes earlier than his bedtime)

OKAY……..So who wants me to talk to their kids about the birds and the bees? What about sex stuff?

SEX THIS YEAR Threatens Stay-at Home Mom with Disabled Child Living Paycheck to Paycheck


It’s not that exciting people. SEX THIS YEAR is the name of a “magazine” and WordPress blog site. The creator has his panties in a bunch over an earlier blog post Jeremie Mouithsone: Who?  . I say……get bigger panties and stop attempting to bully me.

Clearly, he didn’t read the post or doesn’t understand the language I used. That would be ENGLISH! I posted a copy of a letter HE sent to me. I added my own little spin. Apparently, my post brought unwanted attention to Mr. Mouithsone……AND…….He “no likey”. Someone said they were screwed over by him, and some woman mentioned his pre-ejaculation issues.

WELL……Here he is, verbally pre-ejaculating here. I took a second comment directed towards Lawrence off. Seriously Mr. Mouithsone! Lawrence and I aren’t blog roomies. Take your issues to his side of the internet. I am not a couples counselor.

Here’s what he sent to me:

Hell Lorre,

I hope you have already seen my response to your stupid, messages, If I can remember, you and I have never had any business deal, and I wonder why you go about spreading wrong message about online?

Here are my conditions, please do take that article about me down, within the next few days, otherwise I would now choice, but to destroy your entire life online and I mean it.

As mentioned above, Lawrence was a client of ours, we did provide ads as promised, but he went on stalking on the girl that was assigned to his account, and we had no choice but discontinue his campaign. We have all proofs, such as his harassment emails send to the girl.

So I’m giving you two days to pull down the article, failure to do so, will result into an online fight between you and me, and trust me, you don’t want to see what I would say about you, because I will find your real name.

So, please pull down you article, I do not know you, and I’ve never done anything wrond to you

My response:

Hell Jeremie,

Listen. Although, I appreciate you “liking” my post and becoming a follower, I really need you to step into reality. Perhaps where you’re from, its common to throw tantrums and bully women. In America, most women aren’t threatened by men, who are shorter than their twelve-year-old. Plus, I think my daughter has more facial hair than you. (Sorry baby!) I’ll give you an “A” for effort though. If I hadn’t had so much coffee before reading your note, I probably would’ve given you a 1 on the threat scale.

Let me take some responsibility here. I’m sorry I posted an email you sent me, which became my property once you did. I’m sorry I added humor to the letter and gave your “highly regarded in your mind” magazine free press. Apparently, there is no humor in your land.

To be clear, we never did any monkey business together. And definitely not funny business! Also, I post wrong messages and pics on the internet all the time. It is a learning curve, but as a follower, you’ll catch on. I also have a strict policy about not deleting my posts. Unless the order comes directly from the President, or someone offering me bundles of cash, I can’t do it.

Its kind of exciting…..getting under someone’s skin so much, they want to destroy your entire life online.  You do know that I am not a virtual character, right?!? I didn’t even use the internet until I was out of college. So…...in essence, you are leaving me with the best years of my life. Regarding destroying my life, thanks for saying you “mean it”. It is important to keep promises.

You and Lawrence have a very complex relationship. It is full of passion and money exchanging hands. You two need to get a room and hash it out. I’m not into that scene.

Thanks for warning me about the fight. Are we going to meet after school or during recess? And thanks for not being a sexist. Clearly, you have no issues threatening a member of the opposite sex. You make me feel like one of the little guys. Just so you know, I’ve heard it all before. There is nothing you can say about me that I haven’t said and posted myself. If you have trouble finding things, there’s a porn video floating around with me and some zoo animals. I filmed it before I was placed in witness protection for breaking up the Animal Prostitution Ring of 92. Its okay if you find out my real name. Witness protection will just relocate me and give me a new one. I’m kind of getting tired of Iowa. Oh fuck! I guess I have to move on.

So again Jeremie, I’m sorry you are so upset, but I appreciate the word “please” when threatening me. You are one classy guy. And you’re right, you never did any “wrond” to me. You just did something “wrond” to the English language. And best of luck with your magazine and your WordPress blog that doesn’t allow ads. I love the free theme you picked out. It is the same one my son picked to blog about his Xbox games.

P.S: Can you reconsider though? Maybe you could go after my real-life. I have too many kids, one with special needs, I’m overwhelmed, under appreciated, have bunions, have painful varicose veins, some unknown growth on my cervix, $5.41 in savings, hair that’s falling out, pants I have to use a rubber band to fit into, a bitching menstrual cycle going on, only three beers in the frig, a ridiculous electric bill   ………………………………………………………………………………..

I finally did it RED! Here’s my 1 crazy to your 1,000,000,000 crazy.

It’s not me. IT’S YOU!


How many times have we heard “It’s not you. It’s me.” in movies or real life? AND………Then it wraps up with the line about being friends. BUT………..What if being friendly is the problem?

How about we switch it around. It is the other person and fuck forget being friends. I’m not talking about romantic relationships here. I’m referring to other types of relationships. Romantic breakups are the most common, but friends, neighbors, co-workers and even family members breakup with one another. Just because you’re family, go to the same church, work together, live on the same street or have people in common, that doesn’t mean it’s meant to be for the two of you.  AND………..Those breakups can be messier and more emotional than the romantic ones. I think most people are just too sensitive to not being liked by all. BUT……..We, as a society have been fed a lot of crap along the way.

Why is it so difficult to break away from these relationships? It’s because we’ve heard cookie cutter one liners all our lives, encouraging us to muddle through, even if we can’t stand one another. Such as:

  • Blood is thicker than water.
  • Family is forever.
  • Be neighborly.
  • It’s important to work together.
  • Kiss and make-up.
  • Let’s all be friends.
  • Say you’re sorry and go back to being friends.
  • Can’t we all just get along? (for the new generations)

AND……What makes it worse, are the dumbasses that believe and utilize the following:

  • Express yourself.
  • Tell them how you feel.
  • Don’t hold back.
  • You got something to say. Say it to my face. (maturity at it’s best)
  • You’ll feel better when you vent.
  • Honesty is the best policy.

I think it’s all total crap. We feel trapped into having relationships we don’t want. Then, we feel guilty if we don’t continue them. AND………When things go astray for whatever reason, the opening up stuff begins. Bullshit! If you have a relationship worth salvaging, then go for it with manners and intellect, but most people take the opening up advice wrong. They say things only a drunken mental patient should say. AND NOW………….Texting, Facebook and other media outlets, have provided ways for people to be complete idiots. I’m not a licensed therapist. Hell, I’m not even an unlicensed one, but I’ll put in my two cents worth anyway.

  • Vent to yourself until you’ve gotten all the rude bullshit out. Then, no one will be the wiser and you can carryon with life. Remember: You can’t take it back!
  • Don’t bother others with stuff they don’t need to hear. Only a Jerry Springer guest would put up with cursing or cut downs and still want to have some type of relationship.
  • Once you’ve made an ass out of yourself, you could extend an olive branch. If no one reaches for it, then have some dignity and walk away. Afterall, you know what you did. Let’s not add stalking to the list.

The best quote I’ve ever heard is from 1942. It allows for good manners, but doesn’t deny true feelings.

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all. ”

― Thumper

Personally, I think the people you surround yourself with, says a lot. It’s an indication of who you are and how you want to live. If there are people in your life that:

  • hold you back
  • cause drama
  • are negative
  • drain you emotionally (suffocate you)
  • bring nothing to the table (add no value)
  • go against your values
  • interfere with your personal/work life
  • BIG RED FLAG: Cause you to cry, feel anxiety or get nausea when you encounter them…….

……..then “Thumper” them and hop away.

DAD: Happy Tax Deduction Day!


There’s no shame in admitting that it’s one of the perks. SO…..To all the wonderful fathers, who love their children and are there for them…..

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

AND……….To the fathers who are deadbeats, don’t pay child support, don’t pay attention to their children, do unspeakable harm or are just plain nonexistent……I’m going to thank you for one thing.

Thanks for being a small part of the conception process, because despite you, there is someone (step-father, big brother, uncle, grandfather….), who loves and cherishes your child and has hopefully stepped in to fill your void.

SO……….this is to all you father figures as well!

 

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love the most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby

The joys of parents are secret, and so are their griefs and fears.
Francis Bacon, Sr.

A man knows he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez


One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.
Anonymous

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
Theodore M. Hesburgh

It is much easier to become a father than to be one.
Kent Nerburn

Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later… that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could, out of a sense of duty and, perhaps love, adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life.
Tom Wolfe

There are three stages of a man’s life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.
Author Unknown

He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.
Clarence Budington Kelland

It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.
Anne Sexton

Tim Russert, Journalist
“The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.”

Al Unser, Jr., Racecar Driver
“Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.”

Reed Markham, PhD
“Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.”

Bill Cosby, Comedian
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

Jerry Lewis, Comedian
“When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.'”

Charles Wadsworth, Musician
“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”

Unknown
“A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be.” – Unknown

Harmon Killebrew, MLB Baseball Player
“My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass”; “We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply. “We’re raising boys”

Red Buttons, Actor, Comedian
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ”

Robert Frost, Writer
“The father is always a Republican toward his son, and his mother’s always a Democrat.

Friday Frenzy (5/18/12)


It’s that time again.

Life wasn’t as thrilling this week, so forgive me, but I’m going to fill the void with graphics.

(Google Images: mommysaidaswearword and Google for all other pics)

I spent almost $100 this week at the hair salon. Can I call it a salon when it’s in the same strip mall as the grocery store? For those of you with gutter minds, I am not referring in any way to strippers. Although, when it gets dark, I hear some crazy things happen behind that building. ANYWAY….I think we are all going to have to go “stranded on an island” or “caveman” style to save money…….OR…….We could take a stab at trying to cut each other’s hair. I’ve got some scrapbook scissors that could work wonders.

The Cute One had another therapy session. He is working on standing unassisted and getting off of furniture the right way. Apparently, falling off isn’t correct. Someone should alert the drunks.

I’ve been burning a hole in my YMCA membership card this week. It’s taken a lot out of me since I’m not accustomed to such activities. I’ve had to prioritize, with the bit of energy I had left at the end of each day. Since I am legally obligated to take care of my children and I’d go more insane if my house went to complete crap………..the computer was not high on my list.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 have a very large social studies packet to complete for school. They were given a week to finish half of it, but they were moving too slowly. I bribed them with extra video game time this week. Shocker! It worked.

I guess I worked myself sick at the Y. I had some crazy “not quite” 24 hour bug. On the upside……It probably helped my weight loss goals a bit.

Update: SO…….Despicable Me,  who owes Cowboy money, finally paid him half of it (what they claim is half….doubts about that) . Despicable restated they aren’t responsible. Really? YOU SEE……They passed the buck. They gave SuckUDry (per them: known to be untrustworthy and owes them money…HMMMMMM!) our property. SuckUDry sold it and kept the money. SO……Even though the deal was made with Despicable Me, we get paid when SuckUDry pays them. Here lies a valuable lesson when you want to screw with someone.  Promise to do something, involve a third-party to lie, steal, whatever………AND THEN……Claim no responsibility. It’s like the people who pop out kids and then pawn them off on others to raise. I bet those kids don’t blame their real parents. After all, they passed the buck. It’s not their responsibility. What a convenient way to live!

WARNING: He is contagious!


Don’t be alarmed. I mean it in a good, politically correct way. His mood is contagious. It’s like yawning. Once someone does it, then we all start to yawn. AND…..That is not unlike the yawning you are doing now while reading this.

Justice May 5th 007                                      Justice May 5th 008

There are people who just don’t get it. Moods are contagious. You can get them with your clothes on and without exchanging any type of bodily fluids. Once you’ve caught someone’s mood, it’s hard to shake. If the mood you catch is good, then you’ve lucked out. Not only will you feel better, but you will then spread it around to others. BUT……If the mood is negative, then you just got screwed, and as I said, not the way you previously thought to catch something so nasty. Not only will your mood plummet to dark places, but you will spread it to others like the plague. It’s a real shame they don’t offer face masks or gloves that can keep bad moods from spreading. Washing your hands won’t help either.

Maybe THOSE people do get it. After all, misery loves company.

Road of Regret


Another gives me medicine

What I need to be with you

A supplement if you please

That satisfies the deficiency

You are leaving in me

Fantasies that keep me breathing…heavy

Instead of dying and turning cold

The complex pleasures of my mind

Twist and turn down to places I imagine

Places we never go anymore

Such things my heart can’t admit

My body can’t deny

I turn words into foreplay

A look becomes an experience I’ll never know

And my soul stays buried

But the love I have for you was raped

I try to deny and forget, but nothing works

The thoughts run me like an engine

Too fast to touch

Turning what we have left into a mockery

I’m trying to keep it clear in my heart and head

Trying to get back to the start

But separations are cloudy

When you’re both in my bed

One lying near and one in my thoughts

One a fool and the other in the dark

So sad are the reasons I am denied

Still, I hold the guilt in front of me

So I can never forget

And confuse one line for another

My road of regret