Weekly Photo Challenge: Nostalgic


(Left to right: My Bro, Me and My Sis)

Once sweatshirts and blue jeans…

now suits and ties.

Once hitting boys on the playground…

to hitting on boys at the bars.

Once dreams were larger than life…

now you have priorities and goals.

You couldn’t wait to grow up…

and now all you want to do is go back.


Cooking and singing lead to sex talk.

SO…….Thing 1 (12-years-old) was watching reality television with me last night. It doesn’t seem surprising that reality TV would lend itself to sexual issues, but we weren’t  watching Bad Girls or The Bachelor/ette. AND…….Big Brother doesn’t come on for a few more months. I thought I was safe, but clearly, I was wrong.



On this show,  aspiring or established chefs compete with merely the taste of their food to get who the hell knows what.  Seriously,  I haven’t gotten far enough into the show to care. BUT……..Last night a woman said the judges would have a mouth orgasm when they tasted her food. For a second, I thought it had escaped him. Then, Thing 1 asks: “What’s an orgasm?”


Suddenly, I’m in an awkward position. Do I pretend I don’t hear him and change the subject? Do I tell him not to worry about it and forget he heard that word? THEN……. I think about him asking some kid in school who eats his own earwax. What the fuck is that dude gonna say? Do I really want my kid asking dumbasses at school what shit means? Hells no!!


That won’t work! I don’t want to be the cause of kids around America substituting the word imagination with masturbation.


Oh my goodness. I definitely don’t want to go there.

ME: You don’t need to say that word. It’s a sex word.

Thing 1: Oh?

ME: It has to do with feeling good.

Thing 1: (looks at me as if to need more information)

ME: Boys your age or a bit older can make themselves feel good all on their own in the privacy of their room.

Thing 1: (red faced and clearly uncomfortable….) Okay mom. I’m good. Let’s stop talking about this now.

After that little adventure, WE MOVED ON TO:


On of the girls trying out was a young single mom. She began talking about her struggles being so young and raising a child on her own.

Thing 1: That was really dumb not waiting to have a kid. People should wait.

ME:  (pumped up from my previous little convo) I don’t think it was thought out. Things like that happen when people are too busy having fun and not being careful.

Thing 1: Well, I’m never going to do stuff like that.

ME: You say that now, but you’ll see a girl some day and get really excited about touching her boobies and that will lead to something else.

Thing 1: (uncomfortable laughing)

ME: Don’t do something stupid and mess up your life or some girl’s life. Be good or be safe.

Thing 1: Okay. I’m not going to do anything.

ME: Well…..If you aren’t smart, the best case…..you get an infection that requires the doctor. It’s possible you get some girl pregnant and then life as you know it……bye, bye. Worst case is a disease that kills you. It might take a few years, but you’ll die. Just saying.

Thing 1: I’m going to bed mom. (….20 minutes earlier than his bedtime)

OKAY……..So who wants me to talk to their kids about the birds and the bees? What about sex stuff?

I can’t do it all, but somehow, I don’t think that was a secret.

SO…….I had great plans when I started this blog. Let me go over some of them.

  • Workout/Lose Weight: I have stepped up my game and lost some weight, but that isn’t hard when stepping it up means getting your ass off the couch a few more times than usual. I’m still staying up way too late, which has kicked my metabolism in the ass.
  • Cut Down on Drinking: This means alcohol of course. I was never an alcoholic, but I sure loved to drink my heavy calorie and sugary blends. Doing better! I am on to beer water as most of you know. BUT…….The drinking socially thing is still an issue. I have cut the sugar drinks out, lowered the alcohol content and the calories……BUT…..The frequency of events to attend: parties, friendly dinners, bullshit celebrations (made up ones) and “the kids drive me crazy” reflection nights have not helped matters. With the social drinking, comes social eating, social ass seating and social staying up late. AND……..As stated before, none of these are good.
  • Write: I started a blog, two, then three……as an outlet. I needed to get back on the horse (so to speak), although I can ride one. The blog was to get my feet wet again, so I could work on writing projects I started pre-kids. This has not happened due to the overwhelming time (when I have it) it seems to take: writing, commenting, reading other blogs….blah, blah, blah……..
  • Work with/therapy for my son and remember I have 3 others: Well, if I am spending my time doing the above…..I’m not working as much as I should with my son or spending enough quality time with my kids.

SO……In conclusion:

I know I’m my own person with dreams…..blah, blah, blah……but I am a mom/wife first. This is my choice and what I signed up for. I’m not saying I live my life for others, but I’m not going to half-ass it and end up having my kids write shit about me one day, or my husband.  At least, not if I can help it. When they are gone (not the husband), then I get 100% of the time for myself. For now, the time needs to be split, with them getting the lion’s share. Maybe I would have turned out better if someone used that plan with me!

AND……Let’s face it. No one benefits from a mom/wife who weighs so much, she can’t get off the computer chair without huffing and puffing or one that falls off the chair from party exhaustion or over-consumption of beer water…….SO…….Keeping in shape is a top priority.

Writing/Blogging is for me and it will have to wait for a convenient time. This may mean a few times a week, or a few times a month. Who knows? I sure don’t.


2 Days Late: Not pregnant, just Friday Frenzy (6/29/12)

SO……Here are some of my observations, thoughts and just plain updates. I know…….It’s what you’ve all been waiting for.

(Thanks again for the pics Google Images)


I get that it’s super hot outside, and you are a man, so it isn’t illegal…….BUT……It should be. I will admit to the practice of beer gut discrimination, but please put a damn shirt on. AND…….The vibration of your lawn mower is not helping matters. Rebalance the blade and clothe yourself! By the way, I hope you aren’t single, because dude, that is not the way to advertise.

I was recently confronted with a person, who admitted to having the wrong impression of me. WELL…….Let me correct that. They admitted to having an impression of me that I told them was wrong. BUT…….That’s neither here nor there. Here’s what’s odd. When they thought I was one way…..they spoke to me. When I corrected them and put myself in a more positive light…….they stopped speaking to me. I guess some people just need to believe in certain evils so they don’t feel so bad about themselves. Sounds like a future posting.



All of The Things have left for camp. Maybe I can get some of my own writing done. I mentioned I was working on a project a few weeks ago, but I haven’t gotten too far. To be honest, I haven’t gotten anywhere. How crazy was I? Pretty fucking crazy! I thought having the kids home would give me more time to write since I wasn’t driving them to and from school and their activities ended. DUMBASS! I am in more demand than ever. WELL……At least I have until Friday.



I always wondered about steroids and food. I think he looks quite distinguished with a “stache”.

Justice Moustache 003

I felt my kid’s pain. Literally…..They were a pain in my ass.

I had a busy holiday weekend. By the time it was over, the internet had gone out. I wasn’t too thrilled about it, but I wasn’t devastated like the Things were. One Thing in particular called me on the intercom 3x to complain and cry (literally) about the Xbox Live being down. It was heartbreaking. I mean….what was my Thing to do with only the satellite working, the PSP, the DS, the Wii, the pre-installed computer games…….AND……..wait for it…………..THE OUTDOORS!

We finally got it up and running this afternoon. You would’ve thought they got bumped up to the #1 slot on the transplant list. It makes you wonder how we, the non-tech generation, survived. AND…….I really don’t think Atari counts. Although, Commodore computers were pretty tight.