Flash in the Pan: Happiness

I met my best friend while putting out a fire, or so I thought. Smoke was coming from my neighbor’s cellar. I ran over and felt the door. It wasn’t hot, so I figured I could handle it and be a hero. Their hose was nearby. I went over, turned it on, threw the door open and wildly sprayed that water.

“What the hell!” someone shouted.

I never saw that girl sitting on the steps. There she was though, hair stuck to her face, mascara running and a broken-wet cigarette dangling from her mouth. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Something funny?” she yelled.

“Aren’t you a little young…” I started to say.

“I’m twelve, thank you!” she said angrily while moving the hair out of her eyes. “My name’s Happiness too. If you got something to say about that, I’ll kick your ass.”

“No.” I smiled. “I think we’re good.”

This was inspired by: M3 Flash Challenge
Word Limit: 150
My word count: 150

Flash in the Pan: Lonely

That day will stay in my brain forever. I was outside in the yard helping mom with the garden. I heard this loud backfire, like a gun or something. It made me jump. Then a crazy looking hippy-van pulled up next door. Smoke was coming from the hood and there was music loud enough to wake the dead.

I remember stories I’d heard about strange people coming to small, lonely towns like mine, and the horrible things they’d do. Nothing exciting ever happens here. Death happens, but never by murder. It’s caused by old age or some type of farm accident. You know, like being stabbed with a pitchfork or getting shredded by a plow machine. I just figured those folks must be lost. As I ran to peer over the gate between our two yards, I crossed my fingers and prayed a kid would come out of that van.

This post was inspired by: M3 Flash Challenge

The word is: LONELY with 150 word count

My word count is: 150

Flash in the Pan: Book

After leaving his family, Charlie came home to only a note.


Thanks for getting milk. It would’ve been nice if you brought it back before you left. Don’t worry about the kids or feel guilty. They only cry for you every night. Michael’s therapy is coming along. The shrink says he might be able to drink milk again. Thanks for giving our son a milk phobia.

In all sincerity. I understand the need to find yourself, because the guy who lived here was worthless.  I do hope your journey brought you many things, since the things you left, have been burned. Your book is sitting in the toilet though. Apparently, it’s not good enough to burn.

Love ya to lots of little pieces,



This post was inspired by: M3 Flash Fiction Challenge. The word is book, with a word limit of 125. My count is 125 words.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Today

SO…….The challenge was: To post a picture taken the day you read the posting about the theme of the challenge. No cheating allowed!

Lucky me…….I read this post at 9:46 at night. It’s dark outside and everyone is asleep. I didn’t think the nachos I pulled out of the oven would make a great shot, so I snapped one of the jars on my kitchen countertop.

Try to hold your excitement. AND……I don’t want to hear from those who wanted to see the nachos.

Pimped out for $80.You should see what you get for $100!

I suppose these pics would be better if I had actually thought of taking BEFORE shots, but my brain didn’t register that idea at the time.  SO…..Imagine gramma-lavender walls with fake, vintage-cream tins, holding dried-girlie flowers and an awkward over-the-toilet shelf, with loads of annoying bathroom paraphernalia. NOW….new paint, crazy popping flower art, shelves….blah, blah, blah………..

  New bathroom 003New bathroom 005

Now….The comment about washing hands is mostly for the kids and the rest is really for all the MALE FOLK. Just making sure you have words to contemplate while pissing in my toilet. Please keep it in the bowl!

Turning the Corner

You heard it here first. I’m not making enough money at my current corner. I don’t know if it’s because I’m smack dab in the middle of a wretched economic time, or that I strap my baby to my back when I’m trolling. You know, if you visited here, you’d realize that the baby on the back is not an issue. I guess it’s the economy. I will say though, it probably doesn’t help that I have all of my teeth, and replaced the bad ones with some really nice dental work. I think I come off as too high-class. The showering everyday should stop too. I’ll never make any money by shutting out the down trodden.

BUT REALLY………..I’m turning the corner from 41 years old to 42 years old in 5 hours. And, like most women my age, I hate getting appliances and home gadgets that say you are just a maid or a cook. This year, my gifts include an elliptical, some supplements (courtesy of Dr. Oz’s insight) to bring my metabolism back to my 30’s and a new scale, with BMI, % of water and a daily caloric intake counter for meeting your goals. Yes indeed! Nothing says your valued like a birthday full of “get back in shape bitch” kind of presents. I’m pretty pleased though. At least that means he still sees hope for us. If I got a bunch of Martha Stewart kind of crap then that means I’ve become his mommy and that’s just gross.

Note: These gifts were approved ahead of time! I don’t want to be a grown man’s mommy or the wife whose only claim to fame is…..”She’s a really good homemaker.” My goal is to become the wife who doesn’t do shit around the house, but looks damn hot! Who is with me on this ladies??!!??

I got nothing, except a bunch of excuses.

Before full-blown Alzheimer’s sets in, I need to acknowledge awards presented to me by some fine bloggers. I’m ashamed to say, some were given at the turn of the century and I have yet to show my appreciation. I kind of feel like Sissy Spacek in the 1976 movie Carrie. All of a sudden these awards are bestowed on me and I’m expecting pigs blood to invade my screen. Seriously, is this a joke? Unlike Carrie, I don’t expect any casualties. Although, I believe she was  horribly misunderstood, not unlike the Incredible Hulk. Why did he become some quasi superhero and not her? Sexism, that’s why. Anyway……………………………

Awards and Presenters:

7 x 7 Link Award:  christyb at Poetic Parfait

Kreativ Blogger Award: Taking Candy From A Baby

Versatile Blogger Award:  Anne at Anne Schilde

Genuine Blogger Award:  Amira at MindBlur

Hug Award: Arindam of Being Arindam

ABC Award:  Sunshine of Simply Charming

Glitter E. Yaynus Award:  Red of Momma’s Money Matters


SO…..Let’s see how I’m doing so far on accepting these amazing awards.

 Acknowledge bloggers who have given you an award. (CHECK)

Post badge on your site  (SORT OF DONE)

 Explain rules/requirements of each award. (                 )

 Comply with rules.    (                )

Present award to other bloggers. (                 )

Make excuses for why this has taken so long and why you still aren’t done yet. (DOING NOW)


1. I’ve tried to solve the world peace problem.

2. I’ve had a lot of sex.

3. I’ve been busy making mittens for kittens, who are homeless. That’s a lot of mittens.

4. My priorities are really fucked up.

5. I’m a selfish bitch who loves to get, but not give.

6. I’m lazy.

7. I’m crazy.

8. I’m moonlighting as a hooker and I sleep all day.

9. I’ve been busy counting the pennies I made hooking because I’m too greedy to give a cut to Coinstar.

10. It’s an excuse to write some extra posts because I’ve got some more award shit to check off my list.