There can’t possibly be that many problems without solutions. Who has the last copy of Problem Solving for Dummies book? I think we’re gonna need it.
FIRED UP: I just read this from a mother of a 6-year-old boy. "I still pray every night for him to be free of Down Syndrome, that is one of my duties as his parent and guardian." Maybe she should be praying for a more loving, compassionate and accepting heart.
Oz may be a movie, but flying monkeys exist in human form. REALIZE: They lack power, as long as you know they’re just cymbal banging, teeth-grinning creatures, whose only purpose is to make noise.
Waiting for a sign is just a different way of saying: "I’m too scared to make the decision I know I need to, so I’m waiting for something to happen in order to justify it."
Don’t feel sorry for individuals with special needs or their families.They know what it is to have strength. If you must: Feel sorry and pray for people who pretend to care about them while patronizing and judging behind their backs. They are weak.
"It’s complicated. It’s a process. (blah, blah, blah)" FACT: Some things are quite simple and don’t need to be drawn out. A bit of common sense, decency and intellect travel far. BUT: We like to hear ourselves talk, admire our place and/or be the paperwork martyr. All the while, turning people into wordy diagnoses that we shove in a prelabeled box we call "A Plan". **Gotta go put my little diagnoses to bed. I hope he doesn’t do anything to defy his label. It’s such a hassle to get a new box out. And Sharpies are expensive.**
I haven’t been around much lately. NOT much blogging and not much/if any blog reading. BUT……My Facebook friends have seen too much of me lately.
(Thanks Google Images)
WHY No Bloggie?
I enrolled in an online training course. I have a year to complete this, but I am trying to finish in 6 months. Momma is looking for a paycheck.
I am now a coach for the Special Olympics. I know, right??!!?? What the hell were they thinking?
I’m thinking of writing other things.( need to send to a beautiful Red person) Seriously…..I am spending a lot of time thinking.
I started Zumba classes. Let the laughter begin.
I suck at time management.
When I have free time: I try to have sex. And if he’s home…..my spouse is included. I try to sleep. I bathe and spend time putting on and taking off clothing, but mostly for myself.
SO……..WHY do I have time for Facehooking you ask? You probably didn’t ask , but we’re going to pretend you give a fuck.
(Thanks Google Images)
WHY BE a Facehooker?
The money is good. Oh……Sorry. Wrong hooking job came to mind.
I can quickly and mindlessly tab over while studying online.
I get a bit of a blog fix. BUT……Only a speck.
Here’s some crap I’ve put on Facebook in my blog absence.
(Thanks Google Images)
FaceHookers: It’s a personal choice, but I personally can’t wrap my brain around the buffet of men’s facial hair. Seriously…I look at your mouth and feel violated. Did I just walk into some chick’s appointment for a much needed landscape/wax job? Oh no, it’s just your lips moving creepily inside a disturbing display of hair follicles. (My ex inspired this one. He has some goatee-mustache smashup going on. Also, he dyed his growth black to cover his gray, which is interesting, since that is not his original hair color. Needless to say…….He is bald up top, so this growth around his mouth looks like a hairy vagina.)
Wearing jeans to class…..Really?
What’s with doing zumba with a blow pop in your mouth? Is it a test to see if you can perform BJs while on the dance floor? (I honestly thought she was smoking at first. Clearly, the decision to go to an exercise class was made after she got dressed and left the house.)
Hey, people in love, who claim they fell at first sight?
Good thing your love had a personality to back up the visual. OR……Wouldn’t you have felt silly? (This shit cracks me up. First sight….That means visual you bitches. Let’s just say our shallow self lucked out on this one.)
Ann Coulter looks and sounds like an over-aged shot girl, who drank all the profits. Listening to her unintelligent ramblings/inaccuracies makes it clear how she got in and graduated from law school. (She can stick the ‘R” word up her ass.)
My son, looking out for the taxpayers: “Why does Cowboy always have to go to court? Can’t he stop arresting people and just throw them in the river?” (He’s going to be a fucking politician.)
SEX PLAN for (not-so-newly) Married Men:
Set Mood: Do/Help with mundane chores around house. (We hate them too)
Foreplay: Don’t argue with us. (We know when we’re wrong. We just don’t want you to tell us.)
Main Event: Must last longer than the time it took for you to take off/pull down your pants. Don’t grunt and don’t shout yes as if we asked you a question.
Afterwards: Go away. Spooning feels like a hot flash. We need to sleep, watch t.v or get on FB. (Enough said.)
When the world comes crashing down on you, just know that I’m here……thinking……”I’m glad I wasn’t standing beside you.” (Possible fortune cookie submission?)
Talking to Thing 3 and Thing’s Friend: Friend: (not happy) We have to healthy lunches because of Mrs. Obama Thing 3: Yeah. The pizza isn’t good. Me: Kids in America have serious health issues…(blah, blah, blah) We didn’t have any of the stuff you all have. We played outside. Thing 3: Well you had those big cell phones right? Me: No. And…..only the 3 channels on our TV. The shows went from toons, to news, games shows, soaps, news again and primetime. Friend: I can’t hear anymore of this. You are freaking me out. Thing 3: Maybe we should play outside? Friend: Outside is boring. There’s no electronic part to it. (If you don’t like healthy food, you might want to seriously reconsider having Mrs. Obama stay in the White House for 4 more years.)
SO ……I’m almost to the kid’s school and I’m thinking….”I can go over 20mph. After all, I’m not taking my seatbelt off just to lift my shirt in the zone and show my tits.” (It’s a loophole.)
(Thanks Google Images)
Constructive criticism is great in theory, but when your kid won’t listen, sometimes you just have to say: “Your project looks like butt!” (Tough love. That’s what being a parent is all about.)
If The Cute One despised me, then last night, instead of waking up crying for me……he would’ve woken up and thought……”There is no way I’m calling out for that crazy b*$%!”…….It could’ve been a win-win. (Sleep rocks!)
It’s a tragedy folks. I’ve been blocked on Facebook. It seems my elimination of friends from my overgrown list, met with some feelings of betrayal for some. Needless to say, the majority of the 95 people I cut, didn’t seem to mind, and they probably haven’t even noticed. BUT……Since I hurt some to the point where they blocked me, I feel an apology letter is in order, to them and anyone getting ready to do the same.
I’m so sorry that I dared to defriend you. I guess I misread the signs of our relationship. You never called me. You never came to visit. You never invited me to visit. We never hung out. You never emailed me. You haven’t communicated with me on Facebook. You clearly have no interest in me as a person. I guess it never occurred to me, that someone who doesn’t wish to be a friend in “real life”, would want to be a friend in “virtual life”. How ignorant of me. Obviously, my decision has cut you to the core, causing you immense pain.
And now, I have been blocked. You showed me and now I suffer. I can never search your name. I will never be able to see your photo shoot quality profile picture. I will never be able to see who our mutual friends are, so that I can secretly quiz them on your status. I already regret our parting. AND……Worst of all, I won’t be able to view your fascinating comments on our mutual friend’s walls. I will miss the days of seeing “OMG. I wish it wasn’t Monday.” and “OMG. I’m so glad it’s Friday.”
It’s hard to hold back the tears, but I will manage somehow. Farewell stranger in life, and unknown bestie in “virtual life”. BUT wait………doesn’t that kind of make you a my stalker? OR……Are you so consumed with yourself that you think everyone else should be too? Isn’t blocking after a defriending kind of like putting on two condoms. BUT…….I guess you just want to make sure no one gets through. I can’t believe I defriended someone as smart as you. I will regret that decision forever or until I’m done with this post. Whichever comes first.
No….I’m not going to talk about weight loss now. Besides, one of the last three weighs less than me. Damn bitch!
Anyway…..I’m talking about losing Facebook weight.
I had 499 virtual Facebook friends. WTF! That’s a bit much for a small town girl like me. I decided to take people off that I have no connection with, other than….”Hey, I met you once or knew you for a short time and now….nothing.” I went from 499 virtual friend pounds to 413. Is this still a lot? Hell yes, but I’m rather fond of the folks that are left, at least for now.
***I’m sure some of you have noticed I was able to make my rounds last week and read quite a few blog posts. If I didn’t get to you, I will. Things just got busy around here again. Who knew? I have a life it seems. I will be back on a reading binge soon. Thanks for being patient and talking behind my back about what a bitch I am. I prefer that over talking to my face. Really, I do.
On this day, 43 years ago, God decided to bless a woman and a man with a beautiful son. The angels watched over him since then, making sure that he could celebrate this special day and enjoy all the blessings in life. Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband.
FUCK! I thought this was Facebook. Sorry guys. I must have logged on to the wrong account. BUT……Really? Like I’d send my husband a message on Facebook or a message about him. I think if that happens, then we should get a divorce. We live together. I’m not looking to FB, Tweet or text him when we are under the same roof. My relationship is private. We aren’t a show and quite frankly, we’re not that exciting. AND……The interesting stuff is for our eyes and ears only. Certainly, I only tell people the bullshit I want to tell them. No one knows the inner working of our relationship. Hell, I don’t even know the inner workings!
So what about the greeting card industry? I’m not a fan of celebrating and sending a card for every frickin’ holiday and occasion known to and invented by man………..BUT…………I do like to select an appropriate card for someone when the mood strikes. Once I scribble inside, it’s personal and let’s face it, sometimes you just want something you can hold in your hands. Get your minds out of the gutter people. Oh! It wasn’t? Sorry. I guess it is now.
SO…….Let’s try this again, in a style befitting of this blog and not resembling what you will never hear me say to my hubby. Cuz, that’s private bitches.
Good thing you were born, so we could be together today. Of course, what if you blew my chances of being with someone better. Let’s just say you were born to save me from being with someone worse. That sounds good. AND…….Thanks for seeing another birthday, sticking around and shit, otherwise, I would have a major drinking problem from raising these kids alone.