Throwback Thursday? How about Bludgeon Thursday instead?


In honor of Throwback Thursday, I thought I’d throw back a few old posts.

How many you ask?

245

As many of you already know, all of my original posts were temporarily removed in order to wipe my blog slate clean for my public declaration regarding my walk with Christ. Temporarily removing my work was merely a way to eliminate any distractions from new readers.

With that being said……I prayed about it. Agree or not, I’ve put back all my original work. There is no editing of content in posts or comments.

There are many reasons for just slapping everything back up as is.

  1. Editing? Ain’t nobody got time for that. With 245 posts? What a waste of valuable time! It would literally be my life’s work. An unknown’s comfort level is not worth my children starving and my hygiene hitting rock bottom.
  2. It’s all me.  I am not ashamed of me. I’m not ashamed of me in the past, present or well……the future would be a hard one to put in here. I am who I am today because of who I was yesterday and all those other days too. Pretending it didn’t exist in writing because of curse words, brutal honesty or sexual innuendos would be denying a history. If you forget where you’ve been, how do you know if you’ve gone anywhere?
  3. I keep everything I write. It’s like keeping old photographs. It’s how I express myself and it’s all relevant to me.
  4. If I am going to be judged for this decision, it won’t be by you, or you, or you. I say that with the utmost respect.

Now….I’m sorry, but I didn’t go through the posts to see which ones contained a PG versus a PG-14 rating, or which ones had strong language.

SOLUTION:

I suggest you use caution when navigating….or….make the choice to stay with the new stuff. I can’t be responsible for any stumbling or falling off the wagon that might take place. Although, I don’t think I have that type of influence. And.I can’t apologize to people who decide to explore my previous content and then get offended or displeased about anything. My blog was born out of self-expression. It thrived on absurdity, humor, sarcasm, brutal honesty and full-blown emotional venting.  It’s an evolution of my mind. Kind of like an episode of hoarders, but with words instead of a collection of old papers, electronics and old McDonald’s toys.

IN A NUTSHELL:

PAST/PRESENT/FUTURE - I stand by my content, although not everyone will always love my approach. I will continue to be honest and direct and because I am flawed, I will continue with the personal TMI. Keeping it real people. Keeping it real.

It’s not you. It’s me.


(No apologies for length. I haven’t written this effortlessly in a long time. I’m enjoying the flow. “No sorry for you!”)

ANYWAY…..I hope everyone’s recovered from my post the other day. I heard 911 calls went up about 45%. Sorry for the shock.! I know. I know. I deviated from the norm on this blog, but only a little with a bit of a lot mixed in. I’ve always been a “tell it like it is” kind of person, so I just told it like it was. My walk with Christ has been on my mind and I thought I’d give it a shout out. I’m not trying to be preachy or tell you how to live. This is about me. If you get something out of this for yourself, then great. If you don’t, then you stopped by for a read and that’s cool.

For those resistant to change, this isn’t going to become a Bible blog. There are a ton of those out there and they don’t need the competition. Although, The Unexpected Christian has a nice ring to it, or maybe The Wacky Witness.  I’ll let you know if we ever need to vote on a new name. In the meantime…….I’m sure things will be focused on and written about a bit differently due to the journey I’m embarking on. Who knows? I might talk about my “walk” each time I post. Maybe I’ll develop a spaghetti fetish or a fear of gravel and start writing about that. If that’s how it goes, then that’s how it goes.

images0A3K69Z4

What’s going on here??!!

Make no mistake, this is still my blog. It will be filled with humor (….my opinion), variety and an unusual level of TMI regarding my personal experiences. What can I say? I like to share stories. Is that a crime?

In the end, I hope I don’t lose too many of you. I’d be naïve to think you’ll all stick around. Let’s face it, change doesn’t sit well with everyone. And no…..I’m not talking about coins. Although, pennies must be offensive because they can always be found lying around. No one wants them. So sad. Anyway……Change is scary and uncomfortable. For some reason, a lot of us just don’t handle it well. Perhaps if we switch the word change to improve(ments). Now that sounds easier to swallow, doesn’t it?

Let’s recap some improvements I’ve written about here:

  • ALCOHOL: Two years ago, I decided to cut my alcohol consumption. No one said: “You suck! You need to drink alcohol to be funny and have friends”. Instead, I was met with support and a lot of well-meaning jokes. Do I still consume alcoholic beverages? Yes. BUT……It’s no longer an every weekend, get together, “girl talk”, kids are out of school, “I had a bad day” or “I had a good day kind of thing”. And now…….I consume beer with a percentage of alcohol so low, a fly falls in and struggles to swim out just to call me a light-weight.

  • HEALTHIER LIVING: A little over a year ago, I decided to lose weight and get healthy. Again…….I never heard “Your big clothes are going to hate you. Stop trying to feel better.”  Like before, I was met with support and love. Do I still eat junk? Absolutely. Do I have a strict exercise regime that I stick to weekly? No. BUT……I went from a size 16 to an 8 in one year. Quite an improvement for me.

Change-Quote[1]

NOW: I’m on a journey with Christ to improve my life. I’m not aiming for perfection, just better. Like the drinking and the healthy living, it’s a lifestyle change. Got that? Lifestyle…..meaning FOR LIFE. See what I did there? I went from a little improvement to a change. That’s how it works people. You make improvements and it can’t help but lead to change. Unlike a new hairstyle or outfit, this is for keeps. The fact is, I’ve tried this Christian Coat on since I was a child. (Those dressing room mirrors really bite!) I finally bought it almost nine-years ago, but was too afraid to take off the tags. I JUST RIPPED THE TAGS OFF! No returns now.

Like my other journeys, I hope you support me in this. You don’t have to like it or even take the trip with me, but I hope you respect my decision and where it takes me. It brought me back to writing, and that works for me.

ALL SAILORS ARE WELCOME, EVEN PIRATES!!

Taking my bow before the intervention takes place.


Apparently, Twindaddy isn’t doing such a hot job of hiding his crack addiction. How do I know? Well……He gave me the ABC Award. That’s how. Awesome Blog Content! Seriously?

Clearly, only a crack addict would think such nonsense. But hey……..You gotta be loved by somebody, right??!!??

Per this award, one has to list (by alphabet) things that are relevant to them. I’m sure I’m supposed to pass this on to others, but I suck at getting awards now.

In the beginning of blogging, I was all like: “OMG! How do I get one of those awards?” and then it was like “OMG! Someone gave me an award. I’m going to put out a rocking post to thank them and pay it forward.” and then it became “OMFG!!! I can’t keep up with this shit. I can barely get my brain to put out a semi-shitless post, let alone another acceptance piece.” and now it’s like “Thank the fucking lord everyone knows I’m a slackass and they barely bother to read my stuff, let alone praise me for it.”

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the thought, but I’m a slacker with reciprocating. Kind of like some people with oral sex!

Please go to STUPHBLOG and read 26 Things to see who else his cracked-out self passed the award to.

So…..Before the intervention takes place, he gets cleans and takes this away from me, I better get on with the getting on. Here are the 26 things relevant to my life currently.

A: Avocados (Great!)

B: Bacon (I wish I could eat it 24/7.)

C: Cute One (He rocks!)

D: Divorce (1. Great babysitter.  2. Great therapy.   3. Great weight loss plan.)

E: Evenings (Things finally settle down and I can relax.)

F: Friends (Enough said!)

G: God (Shocking, but true!)

H: Hubby (We’re forever, like herpes.)

I: Intercourse (…with hubby)

J: Java (IV please!)

K: Karma (It’s a bitch! I watch it in others like a train wreck.)

L: Laughter (It’s like breathing.)

M: Mysteries (books, shows or movies.)

N: Narcissists (Entertaining poison we can’t eradicate, yet.)

O: Orgasms (Note the “s” at the end. I love my husband.)

P: Poetry (Word Therapy)

Q: Quality (My absolute favorite word….meaning and sound.)

R: Randomness (The kids keep me guessing and on my toes.)

S: Strength Training (My weekly routine I can’t do without.)

T: Things 1, 2 and 3 (Tax deductions!)

U: United States (Well….I live in it and it’s pretty cool mostly.)

V: Vacation (Two days from now, I’ll be cruising.)

W: Writing (Love, love, love it, even if I don’t always do it.)

X: XM Radio (My music. My way.)

Y: You (Yeah you. Thanks for reading this.)

Z: Zoo…..I live in one.

So…..Those are my relevant things. I don’t know if I shocked or amazed you, but I did hold you hostage for a bit, and that’s pretty cool.

Sorry about not passing this on, but I’ve never been good at sharing the bottle. Please give this award to yourself! We can change the meaning to Absolute Blog Crazy if you like mine. Guilty pleasure or your version of a train wreck? I don’t care, as long as you’re here.

And……Sorry for being a selfish blog lover. I promise to reciprocate. I just want to make sure I’m able to properly swallow all of the words first. It would be humiliating to choke on them.

It’s my party and I’ll make you cry if I want to!


it's_my_birthday!-72165[1]

43 IS AWESOME:

I’m stronger than ever.

My face is holding up (Just don’t look at my hands).

My body isn’t due for an overhaul yet.

I’m fairly certain my mind is in tact.

My words are just as devastating and magical, if not more.

My four kids like me without resorting to bribes….yet.

My husband hasn’t had the itch to bump private parts with anyone else.

I don’t wear mom jeans.

My ass isn’t fat, flat or in need of stick removal.

My breasts still stay up on their own. AND……yes, they’re mine. I have the receipt to prove it.

I have hot flashes, but only in the bedroom.

My friends are the most incredible, genuine, nontoxic bitches around.

My blog buddies still love me, even though I have abandoned them recently. (I left breadcrumbs my darlings!)

I’m mature enough to not have to cover my ass…no need to lie or hide.

I’m secure enough to not give a shit about bullshit.

I’m smart enough to see right through games and false smiles.

I’m nice enough to tolerate those who are intolerable, for the sake of a cause.

Beer and chips are still my friends since I’m working out.

My sense of humor has not left me.

With all its ups, downs, and perfect imperfections, life is amazing. I can’t wait to see what crazy nonsense this year brings for me to hurdle over.

One thing is certain, I will persevere and laugh my way through it all.

If my sticktoitiveness makes you cry along the way, well…..I’m sorry, but this is my life party and I can’t stop to wipe tears.

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Future Tense


Scrabble Photo 001

This is the future, but also right now.

You aren’t welcome back, no way, no how.

No open arms and no open doors.

It’s clear to all, if it wasn’t before.

You are damaged and toxic, with no moral code.

Picking on children at your age. How bold!

We understand your life sucks pretty hard.

But that’s your fault, so don’t throw crap in our yard.

Haters hate and you are no exception.

I’m pretty sure it started at your conception.

If you’re still in the dark, let me turn on the light.

Without you around, the future is bright.

(Word to your mother…..)

 

It’s rather deceiving……


It’s rather deceiving, but you have empties believing

Belief in your word that gives most people GERD

They ignore  the shrew, deep inside of you

But why?

It’s a means to a screw

Legs that can’t be held together with surgical glue

*

And you with your smile,  like a crocodile

No substance to offer, just an empty coffer

Talk, talk, talk, with no walk, walk, walk

To what end?

To continue to squawk

To have others gawk

*

Give us a break, you scream “I’m a fake!”

There’s no special tool when you’re tricking a fool

Try  someone with smarts, they’ll see your black heart

But how?

Your air smells like fart

You’re a known Day Old Tart

*

To clear the confusion and dismiss the illusion

Deciding to be kind, does not make one blind

Tolerance in advance, gives you a chance

To do what?

To rise above your self-made circumstance

But you failed to prove you wear the pants

*

Do yourself a favor and get a new flavor

Your looks, not taboo, more like Mr. Magoo

Your sex appeal, in your head, not so real

Why so harsh?

When trash talking others is your meal

No one gives a shit how you feel

*

It’s rather deceiving, but you have empties believing

They will spot the lie when the Kool-Aid runs dry

Then nothing is left, but a life of regret

How?

Happiness and love will die from neglect

Anyone left standing will be completely spent

 

Fired Up On Facebook


There can’t possibly be that many problems without solutions. Who has the last copy of Problem Solving for Dummies book? I think we’re gonna need it.

FIRED UP:
I just read this from a mother of a 6-year-old boy.
"I still pray every night for him to be free of Down Syndrome, that is one of my duties as his parent and guardian."
Maybe she should be praying for a more loving, compassionate and accepting heart.

Oz may be a movie, but flying monkeys exist in human form. REALIZE: They lack power, as long as you know they’re just cymbal banging, teeth-grinning creatures, whose only purpose is to make noise.

Photo: Oz may be a movie, but flying monkeys exist in human form. REALIZE: They lack power, as long as you know they're just cymbal banging, teeth-grinning creatures, whose only purpose is to make noise.

Waiting for a sign is just a different way of saying: "I’m too scared to make the decision I know I need to, so I’m waiting for something to happen in order to justify it."

Don’t feel sorry for individuals with special needs or their families.They know what it is to have strength.
If you must: Feel sorry and pray for people who pretend to care about them while patronizing and judging behind their backs. They are weak.

"It’s complicated. It’s a process. (blah, blah, blah)"
FACT: Some things are quite simple and don’t need to be drawn out. A bit of common sense, decency and intellect travel far.
BUT: We like to hear ourselves talk, admire our place and/or be the paperwork martyr. All the while, turning people into wordy diagnoses that we shove in a prelabeled box we call "A Plan".
**Gotta go put my little diagnoses to bed. I hope he doesn’t do anything to defy his label. It’s such a hassle to get a new box out. And Sharpies are expensive.**

Someone got dementia in the divorces, but it wasn’t me.


Due to distractions, I wasn’t going to write anything tonight,  but I couldn’t help myself. Sometimes a situation or a person with a narcissistic personality disorder warrants a post to be born. In this case, it would be the latter.

To celebrate my anniversary I posted Jodie Foster inspired me.  It seems that one of the spouse-no-mores, (you know) was very troubled by my words.

YOUR VERSION OF REALITY: 

  • You claim to have found the link to this off one of our Facebook pages (1st fucking lie).
  • You said you only knew about the blog because one of the kids reads it (2nd fucking lie). 
  • You said the post was about you (3rd fucking lie or 1st delusion).
  • You  claim that everyone is reading my blog (2nd delusion). Can you make that happen?
  • Then, you called me demented (4th fucking lie, 3rd delusion and a total ignorance for vocabulary).

ACTUAL REALITY:

  • I rarely link one of these posts  to  a personal Facebook account. Believe it or not, this blog isn’t for everyone. AND….I didn’t link this one. Besides, we’re not FB friends with you! I do however have a lovely blog about my beautiful son if you want to stalk visit that one: A Dose of Justice. 
  • The kids know they aren’t allowed to read this blog. I have total faith in them. IF……. I’m wrong, then having one be a deceitful sneaky person, should concern you more than my adult blog. 
  • Seriously? The post was about myself and my amazing husband, who I have rocking sex with all the time. Do you need me to repeat anything? Sorry, but you didn’t even make the highlight reel. A little full of ourselves, are we?
  • I have it on good authority that half of Brazil is not quite aware of my blog. You got your facts wrong.
  • So let’s address the demented comment. Shall we??!!?? I think you need the definition of the word.

(bing.com · Bing Dictionary)

de·ment·ed

[ di méntəd ]

  1. entirely irrational: completely unreasonable or lacking any sense of the consequences of actions taken
  2. affected with dementia: affected by the loss of intellectual functions that is associated with dementia

WHAT I THINK IS DEMENTED:

  • To lie so naturally, you can’t recognize the truth anymore.
  • To use manipulation (guilt, threats, fear, anger) with a child/children to feel superior.
  • To suggest your spouse-no-more has something sexually wrong with them because they didn’t want to touch you anymore. HINT: It’s called sexual attraction.
  • To pretend you didn’t break your wedding vows over and over again, use physical force in the relationship, and degrade your spouse-no-more with every word and action.
  • To act like everything bad you did, your spouse-no-more actually did when telling “stories”.
  • To believe that anyone with “real” self-esteem, who isn’t socially, emotionally and physically constipated, is DEMENTED.
  • LASTLY…….To view my blog. Did you really think you would like it? HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW!!!!!!