Articles of Absurdity

WELL, maybe not at the same time. There is some pretty big news going around these days…….Penn State, protestors, and Bieber Fever at the maternity ward. For obvious reasons, I will not portray the Penn State scandal, which is beyond disgusting and upsetting. BUT…….. How about the other two?

 This is a scene from Occupy Oakland (encampment). These poor Barbies are in a lot of pain. They say they will camp out until their fight against the government and “big bad” corporations is won. I suspect they will be camping out until their painted on makeup has long disappeared and their fake flesh starts rotting. They are pretty upset that the government has taken so much from them:

HOMES: They were never going to live in that Barbie Dream House paying their own mortgage. They definitely think they are too good for the Barbie Camper. Regardless of their luck, they were going to live with mommy and daddy for as long as they could.  On that note, some of them have been kicked out by their parents because they refuse to work in the retail or food industry, due to being stuck-up, ungrateful, entitled snots. They just happened upon the protest and needed a place to crash. They have no idea why they are protesting. We can blame Mattel for a bit of this. They no longer make the Barbie McDonald’s. They are too busy making Barbie recording studios and makeup centers. Way to keep with the times. Okay. Big corporation is responsible for that one.

JOBS: They never had one and they blame the economy. Maybe you shouldn’t have majored in Romantic Literature in this day and age…dumbass! Maybe you should have had less beer and sucked less dick in college. (Yes. I went there.) Oh…I apologize. I forgot Barbie’s mouth doesn’t open. At least not the ones in this picture. Carry on!

CLOTHES: Oh look! Those poor ladies in the back even lost their clothes. Oh wait, they thought this was an episode of Barbies Gone Wild in Oakland Park.  That’s not really the fault of the government. I think we need to blame perverted pigs for that one.

Yeah. Here comes the 1% to show their support. They will be camping out in their plane of course. They would like it noted, their plane is three years old. They are not complete “rub it your face” tools.

There’s Ashley Tisdale and Corbin Bleu  (wearing something only a guy in Hollywood would) showing their support. They want to announce the next movie in the High School Musical Series called: What the Fuck Do We Do Now? Corbin is also showing his support for breast cancer awareness. Even though October was the month for this, he will happily grab any woman’s plastic or natural boobies, to make sure all is good.

And..there’s pretty boy Ken Doll, Justin Bieber, going at it in a bathroom with Maria Yeater.  Maria makes the claim she had 30 second (boy virgin) sex with him (must have been awesome) when he was 16 and she was 19 (Can we say statutory rape?). Her baby is now 3 months old and she claims Justin is the “baby daddy”, but said it was the baby of her ex-boyfriend John Terranova at first.

1. Can’t Selena Gomez use her magical powers and make this all go away?

2. Will Justin ever sing his ever popular “Baby” song again?

3. The new show on FOX, Terra Nova, now has new meaning to me.

Tags: Barbies, humor, smack talk, toys make good props, you had to go there, you know this is what you were thinking