Ruminating The Rumors


A lie is a horrible thing, but a lie with wings is even worse. It flies as far and high as possible, wreaking havoc and destroying lives, or at least….trying to. These pretty little birds of flight are known as RUMORS.

No one has successfully avoided the rumor mill. You either created a rumor, helped spread one, or were on the receiving end.  BUT….Make no mistake, you’ve been tainted. 

Here are a few created and spread about me. Some caught flight for bit and some experienced a horrible death after I clipped their wings.

  • The summer before 9th grade, my mother moved to Texas. I decided to leave Virginia and spend the break with her.  When I returned to school, I discovered that I had given my baby away.  Apparently, I went away to hide my pregnancy and give birth. Who knew!!??!! (Any rich and famous 30-year-olds needing a mommy? Look me up!)
  • After my divorce, my ex told everyone he could (at my children’s events) that I stole 100,000 dollars from him. AND…..Used that money to buy a used car. Okay. Do you see the fucking logic in that?
  • The Spouse-No-Mores tried to convince the world that my hubby and I were cheaters and caused the first marriages to end. NOW….If they meant : We were cheaters because we got together before the divorce papers were signed, then okay. AND…..If they meant: We ended the marriages because we actually bought into the fidelity thing on their part, then okay. I guess they were right.
  • One Spouse-No-More went as far as to tell the children’s “Christian” preschool teacher that I was a slutty cheater. Just the thought of it must have turned that ex on, because every school day, they would follow me outside, into the parking lot, and stop short of my vehicle.  They brought their manly-looking woman friend to stalk along with them. I think they wanted to have sex with me.  Who could blame them??!! It didn’t take long for the teacher and moms to learn the truth.
  • An ex (fondly referred to as: SpongeBob Squarepants) said I slept with 1/2 the county. I tried to do the math, and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t really possible. BUT……Maybe I was unconscious at the time, and the other time, and the other time, and the other time, and the…………..
  • After I broke up with a high school boyfriend, he told classmates he did sexual things to me in church, where his father was the preacher, with people sitting around us. Wow! Talk about a religious experience!
  • One of my ex-stepmothers (had 4) said she suspected me of having an inappropriate relationship with my dad because I hugged him goodnight. In her defense, she thought raising her own offspring was too much coddling and let the state put her kids with other folks.

RUMOR QUOTES:

Rumors are mostly a projection of the individual who started them. (ROYA R. RAD, Therapy Dialogue)

Those who feed on rumors are small, suspicious souls. (CHARLES R. SWINDOLL, Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life)

You know what rumors are like–like a jar full of moths. Once they escape, they’re all over the place. (RHYS BOWEN, Oh Danny Boy)

People who spread rumors are like walking infections. The lying words from their mouths spread like disease from person to person. The only way to stop the disease is to keep your mouth shut. (JOYCE HANSEN, One True Friend)

Rumors are created by the jealous and spread by the ignorant. Fortunately, the truth usually wins our!

Someone got dementia in the divorces, but it wasn’t me.


Due to distractions, I wasn’t going to write anything tonight,  but I couldn’t help myself. Sometimes a situation or a person with a narcissistic personality disorder warrants a post to be born. In this case, it would be the latter.

To celebrate my anniversary I posted Jodie Foster inspired me.  It seems that one of the spouse-no-mores, (you know) was very troubled by my words.

YOUR VERSION OF REALITY: 

  • You claim to have found the link to this off one of our Facebook pages (1st fucking lie).
  • You said you only knew about the blog because one of the kids reads it (2nd fucking lie). 
  • You said the post was about you (3rd fucking lie or 1st delusion).
  • You  claim that everyone is reading my blog (2nd delusion). Can you make that happen?
  • Then, you called me demented (4th fucking lie, 3rd delusion and a total ignorance for vocabulary).

ACTUAL REALITY:

  • I rarely link one of these posts  to  a personal Facebook account. Believe it or not, this blog isn’t for everyone. AND….I didn’t link this one. Besides, we’re not FB friends with you! I do however have a lovely blog about my beautiful son if you want to stalk visit that one: A Dose of Justice. 
  • The kids know they aren’t allowed to read this blog. I have total faith in them. IF……. I’m wrong, then having one be a deceitful sneaky person, should concern you more than my adult blog. 
  • Seriously? The post was about myself and my amazing husband, who I have rocking sex with all the time. Do you need me to repeat anything? Sorry, but you didn’t even make the highlight reel. A little full of ourselves, are we?
  • I have it on good authority that half of Brazil is not quite aware of my blog. You got your facts wrong.
  • So let’s address the demented comment. Shall we??!!?? I think you need the definition of the word.

(bing.com · Bing Dictionary)

de·ment·ed

[ di méntəd ]

  1. entirely irrational: completely unreasonable or lacking any sense of the consequences of actions taken
  2. affected with dementia: affected by the loss of intellectual functions that is associated with dementia

WHAT I THINK IS DEMENTED:

  • To lie so naturally, you can’t recognize the truth anymore.
  • To use manipulation (guilt, threats, fear, anger) with a child/children to feel superior.
  • To suggest your spouse-no-more has something sexually wrong with them because they didn’t want to touch you anymore. HINT: It’s called sexual attraction.
  • To pretend you didn’t break your wedding vows over and over again, use physical force in the relationship, and degrade your spouse-no-more with every word and action.
  • To act like everything bad you did, your spouse-no-more actually did when telling “stories”.
  • To believe that anyone with “real” self-esteem, who isn’t socially, emotionally and physically constipated, is DEMENTED.
  • LASTLY…….To view my blog. Did you really think you would like it? HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW!!!!!!

 

Are you giving me the pregnant eye?


My first thought is: “Not in a million years!”.

Kissing this dude would be like giving oral sex to my dryer’s lint tray.

Someone, out there, reading this, knows for sure.

AND….some, might be turned on, but I digress.

Crazy fetish?

My second thought is: Smashup!”

I want to do what Reese’s did for peanut butter and chocolate.

Say what?

imagesCAV6BZGE

Idea: Let’s put two things together and make something magical.

Condoms and Glasses

Still don’t see where this is going?

imagesCAK2LISIimagesCAAKRLRZ

Condom Glasses!

(Please help me come up with a wonderful name for this new product.)

They deploy at the exact moment of visual arousal.

Why do we need these you ask?

Condom Glasses_edited-1

For those women, you know the ones……..

”I get pregnant every time someone looks at me.”

imagesCAG8HZIA 

We have to have some type of protection, some type of birth control for men  who have the power to release microscopic sperm from their eyes.  This is quite an epidemic people. It  is also quite reckless. It’s astonishing how many children are brought into this world because someone looked at their momma in the wrong way. What’s even more disturbing is this: How does that child even know who his/her daddy is? It’s going to take a retinal scan on the Maury Povich show to straighten that shit out. AND seriously……The chances of finding the “baby daddy” are pretty slim. God help you if you are identified as giving someone “the pregnant eye”. You can look forward to child support for that kid and probably hundreds more. If you are capable of giving the pregnant eye to one, then chances are, you’ve given it to another.  Aren’t their enough excuses to put kids in therapy without adding this to the list?

SO…Let’s come up with a fabulous name.

Let’s get this product out in the world.

AND…Let’s start protecting ourselves.

I wonder what the Sharks would think?

imagesCABATMA9

 

Should mullets make a comeback?


I’m going to let someone else entertain you today. I’d like to breakdown your brain cells by exposing you to my inappropriate friend Stirling and his equally damaged partner in comedy.

Wild Mullet Kingdom: Episode 1 “The Capture” (Uncensored)

4-Letter Word: I’m not a fan of unless…..


In places near
And places far

You may be revered
As a shining star
I picture you dressed
Feathers and tar?
Let’s get WD-40
To raise your bar
Please allow me this time
To be uncomfortably blunt

Let’s design and apply
A language shunt
To redirect
Your pompous stunt
That makes you the lead
In the role of cunt

imagesCAKHXERP

All roads lead to Walmart.


Forgive the crappy pic. I have a dumb phone (by choice) and don’t carry my smart camera with me.

SO……….There we were, hubby and me, having a heated debate about something stupid. Our arguments are pointless, but “mood swing” relationships keep the good times going. ANYWAY……..We’re in the parking lot of Walmart (where I should own stock), when a George Costanza look-alike and his lovely companion pull up. We immediately stopped arguing and laughed so hard we cried. The only thing that would’ve been better, is if he lifted his companion off of his crotch before exiting the car.

Even roadkill/woodkill gets to shop at Walmart.

Deer in car 1

AND………I think it’s too late for the seatbelt!

SEX THIS YEAR Threatens Stay-at Home Mom with Disabled Child Living Paycheck to Paycheck


It’s not that exciting people. SEX THIS YEAR is the name of a “magazine” and WordPress blog site. The creator has his panties in a bunch over an earlier blog post Jeremie Mouithsone: Who?  . I say……get bigger panties and stop attempting to bully me.

Clearly, he didn’t read the post or doesn’t understand the language I used. That would be ENGLISH! I posted a copy of a letter HE sent to me. I added my own little spin. Apparently, my post brought unwanted attention to Mr. Mouithsone……AND…….He “no likey”. Someone said they were screwed over by him, and some woman mentioned his pre-ejaculation issues.

WELL……Here he is, verbally pre-ejaculating here. I took a second comment directed towards Lawrence off. Seriously Mr. Mouithsone! Lawrence and I aren’t blog roomies. Take your issues to his side of the internet. I am not a couples counselor.

Here’s what he sent to me:

Hell Lorre,

I hope you have already seen my response to your stupid, messages, If I can remember, you and I have never had any business deal, and I wonder why you go about spreading wrong message about online?

Here are my conditions, please do take that article about me down, within the next few days, otherwise I would now choice, but to destroy your entire life online and I mean it.

As mentioned above, Lawrence was a client of ours, we did provide ads as promised, but he went on stalking on the girl that was assigned to his account, and we had no choice but discontinue his campaign. We have all proofs, such as his harassment emails send to the girl.

So I’m giving you two days to pull down the article, failure to do so, will result into an online fight between you and me, and trust me, you don’t want to see what I would say about you, because I will find your real name.

So, please pull down you article, I do not know you, and I’ve never done anything wrond to you

My response:

Hell Jeremie,

Listen. Although, I appreciate you “liking” my post and becoming a follower, I really need you to step into reality. Perhaps where you’re from, its common to throw tantrums and bully women. In America, most women aren’t threatened by men, who are shorter than their twelve-year-old. Plus, I think my daughter has more facial hair than you. (Sorry baby!) I’ll give you an “A” for effort though. If I hadn’t had so much coffee before reading your note, I probably would’ve given you a 1 on the threat scale.

Let me take some responsibility here. I’m sorry I posted an email you sent me, which became my property once you did. I’m sorry I added humor to the letter and gave your “highly regarded in your mind” magazine free press. Apparently, there is no humor in your land.

To be clear, we never did any monkey business together. And definitely not funny business! Also, I post wrong messages and pics on the internet all the time. It is a learning curve, but as a follower, you’ll catch on. I also have a strict policy about not deleting my posts. Unless the order comes directly from the President, or someone offering me bundles of cash, I can’t do it.

Its kind of exciting…..getting under someone’s skin so much, they want to destroy your entire life online.  You do know that I am not a virtual character, right?!? I didn’t even use the internet until I was out of college. So…...in essence, you are leaving me with the best years of my life. Regarding destroying my life, thanks for saying you “mean it”. It is important to keep promises.

You and Lawrence have a very complex relationship. It is full of passion and money exchanging hands. You two need to get a room and hash it out. I’m not into that scene.

Thanks for warning me about the fight. Are we going to meet after school or during recess? And thanks for not being a sexist. Clearly, you have no issues threatening a member of the opposite sex. You make me feel like one of the little guys. Just so you know, I’ve heard it all before. There is nothing you can say about me that I haven’t said and posted myself. If you have trouble finding things, there’s a porn video floating around with me and some zoo animals. I filmed it before I was placed in witness protection for breaking up the Animal Prostitution Ring of 92. Its okay if you find out my real name. Witness protection will just relocate me and give me a new one. I’m kind of getting tired of Iowa. Oh fuck! I guess I have to move on.

So again Jeremie, I’m sorry you are so upset, but I appreciate the word “please” when threatening me. You are one classy guy. And you’re right, you never did any “wrond” to me. You just did something “wrond” to the English language. And best of luck with your magazine and your WordPress blog that doesn’t allow ads. I love the free theme you picked out. It is the same one my son picked to blog about his Xbox games.

P.S: Can you reconsider though? Maybe you could go after my real-life. I have too many kids, one with special needs, I’m overwhelmed, under appreciated, have bunions, have painful varicose veins, some unknown growth on my cervix, $5.41 in savings, hair that’s falling out, pants I have to use a rubber band to fit into, a bitching menstrual cycle going on, only three beers in the frig, a ridiculous electric bill   ………………………………………………………………………………..

I finally did it RED! Here’s my 1 crazy to your 1,000,000,000 crazy.

Sorry for the non-phallic length. Get comfy!


Sometimes, when a “grown” adult, shows their ass (…not literally…thank goodness…) by insulting a person for no other reason than: “grown” adult is ignorant, under/over-medicated, drunk, or just plain unstable…………I have to laugh inside, after feeling deeply sorry for their apparent issues. This happened quite recently, when Someone Having Inborn Troubles (S.H.I.T) called me a “fucking psychopath”. I don’t know if S.H.I.T thought I would be angry, start to cry or what. BUT………I thought it was trashy and sad.

Psycho or misunderstood?

Let me give you the back story on why S.H.I.T called me this: _____(?)_____ Okay. You know as much as I do. Of course, I could speculate. BUT………..My made up ideas would be as bad as their made up reasons for lashing out, SO…………I won’t go there. I am quite curious to understand the breakdown of their insult though.

Things that make you go hmmmm!

*fuck·ing*

damned; confounded (used as an intensifier).

OKAY………So there really isn’t much to address here. If you are going to throw out the word psychopath, bitch, slut, or even dumbass………..I guess adding this word in front adds “umph”. Good for you for showing some extra initiative.

Nice application!

*psy·cho·path*

a person with a psychopathic personality, which manifests as amoral and antisocial behavior, lack of ability to love or establish meaningful personal relationships, extreme egocentricity, failure to learn from experience

      a·mor·al

      1. not involving questions of right or wrong; without moral quality; neither moral nor immoral.

      2. having no moral standards, restraints, or principles; unaware of or indifferent to questions of right or wrong: a completely amoral person.

      e·go·cen·tric

      1. having or regarding the self or the individual as the center of all things: an egocentric philosophy that ignores social causes.

      2. having little or no regard for interests, beliefs, or attitudes other than one’s own; self-centered: an egocentric person; egocentric demands upon the time and patience of others.

This is a lot to work through.

SO………Let’s address this.

  • I’m not amoral, except on this blog.
  • I understand and comply with the rules of right and wrong. WELL……..Maybe not when I told my daughter and her friends that the boy group One Direction died after suffocating in their skinny jeans.
  • I have moral standards, restraints and principles. AND………To be clear………what goes on in my bedroom, with my hubby, doesn’t factor in. BUT………..we definitely have restraints.
  • I couldn’t confuse myself as being the center of things if I wanted to. My life revolves around my family, who know its all about me.
  • I am passionate about social causes, especially those involving children. I fully endorse child labor.
  • I take a great interest in my friend’s lives and what they are passionate about. Well, as long as it pertains to me.
  • I am open to other’s beliefs and attitudes. So what if I don’t agree with your sorry ass views.
  • I don’t demand attention from others. Please make sure to “chain letter” my blog posting to 20 of your friends or you suck.

SERIOUSLY……….All joking aside. Except for all of the sentences beginning with “I”, I am not egocentric. I am not amoral, and therefore, am not a psychopath. Besides, if I really were a psycho, you shouldn’t call me one. Real psychos wouldn’t remain calm and mature. They would go off on your ass and for less than name calling.

BUT……..I don’t want you going through life worrying about knowing a psychopath, and a “fucking” one at that……..I will make some promises, based on the definitions above, so you sleep with both eyes shut.

I will not:

hate someone because I wanted “their love” to date a person of my choosing.

send nasty text messages to “?”, and then forward them to “?’s” minor child and spouse.

get drunk and grab people’s private parts.

kill animals or people, except with humor.

invite men over to my home when my spouse isn’t around.

cheat and blame someone else.

encourage friends to stray, but criticize “non-friends” who cheat.

surf porn while reading the Bible.

curse and degrade my children for sport.

befriend someone, while secretly working to put their job/child visitation and freedom at risk.

flaunt my son’s special needs for my own amusement/attention.

pretend my mini-van is cool.

encourage my kids to do/say inappropriate things so I can put it on the internet.

think everything that is said or done is all about me.

become jealous and devalue (publically) others for skills they possess that I don’t.

lie about my age more than 2x.

think its cool to have minions.

go through friends like underwear because I’m insecure.

get jealous when others get attention.

wear white after labor day, unless it yellowed.

abuse the generosity of others.

get upset if my friends have other friends they spend time with.

say horrible, insensitive things when people are at their lowest.

double dip with the peanut butter.

try to turn people against each other because I need a project for the day.

be a S.H.I.T and take my problems out on others.

(Not that any of this matters to someone who doesn’t read my blog anyway, right??!!??)

I’ve been learning sign language.

It got behind me in a big way and I got screwed.


That’s right people. No warning, no protection and no lubricant to ease the pain. BUT……….Thank the lord. No gerbils either. I mean really, who does that shit (pun intended) to a defenseless little animal? Screaming wouldn’t do any good. After all, I asked for it in my own way. Thankfully, the healing has begun and I think it will go back to normal soon.

OKAY……..That was for my naughty friends, who have a deviant lifestyle or wish they did. NOW……Let me translate for all those who think I have parking garage in my backyard. I DON’T.

Translation: Life got away from me the last couple of months. It really messed with the “born out of OCD  plans I always have for myself. It’s true. I was clueless to what would happen with the kids out of school for the summer. Aside from beating them into submission (again…for my deviant friends….you know who you are), there wasn’t much I could do, besides drink,  to ease the chaos. Thankfully, I didn’t cave in to their demand of getting little caged animals. Yelling at them was futile though. It just added to the noise in the house. It’s my fault though. I got pregnant and kept those little burdens bundles of joy. Thankfully, the kids have returned to SOL Prison, which is fondly called public school. With them gone, I’ve been drinking less and getting stuff done.

OKAY………So now that you’ve gotten a little taste, I have to step away from the computer tonight. Cowboy is getting a little jealous. I might have to take the horse out of the barn so he can ride. AND……….No bareback. What am I, a masochist? With three Things and The Cute One running around, I don’t need more.

Goodnight my dear friends. I hope it was good for you. BUT……I won’t take offense if you lie through your fucking teeth and fake a blogging orgasm. Isn’t that what most people do???!!!????

My OCD says, I have to tell you that I have a lot of postings to come. Sorry for my slackassness! AND Yes…….My OCD talks to me.

Doing it old school……high school that is.


OKAY………So I debated about this post for a bit. Sorry to go all juvenile on you guys, but it must be done.  In the past two years, I’ve had to deal with a few people unraveling……….0 to 60 for no clear reason. If I thought my health insurance would cover it, I’d get the magnet removed that causes the attraction.  Let me clear things up for several people.

  • I am not responsible if your family gets murdered.
  • My husband and I are not swingers. BUT…..….If we were, sorry…….You two are not our type.
  • I believe people should pay their debts, even if you owe a millionaire money.
  • It’s poor form to grab my husband’s crotch and act like it was an accident.
  • Stealing someone’s property is ILLEGAL!
  • I exercise to stay in shape, not to piss you off.
  • Sending my hubby messages via Facebook and/or phone is unwise.
  • Make no mistake, my husband is on my side.
  • I heard you did me a favor by being my friend. Gee……Thanks!
  • Not everything is about you.
  • I’ve only posted about one (the Despicable One). Up until this post, you’ve just been feeding into your own paranoia.
  • No one gets to mess with my kids without some backlash.
  • I don’t care how drunk someone is. I don’t like people grabbing my breasts.
  • Coming into my home and being mean to my friends, is beyond uncool.
  • Before you start calling people names, you should really look up the definitions of the words you use.
  • My kids can hear their sailor talk from me, but thanks for the free language arts lesson.
  • Your world is very small, but mine isn’t.
  • I love drama, but only on the stage.
  • Heavy drinking is not my idea of socializing. I have a life and a liver to protect.
  • My husband’s tolerance of your disrespect for him, doesn’t make him a wimp…….it makes him a gentleman.
  • It’s okay to close the bridge without feeling like you have to set it on fire.
  • We share a different idea of success and a different set of values.
  • Most of the problems we’ve had……….are all in your head.
  • We will never be friends again, but I wish you the best………because that’s how I roll!