Should mullets make a comeback?


I’m going to let someone else entertain you today. I’d like to breakdown your brain cells by exposing you to my inappropriate friend Stirling and his equally damaged partner in comedy.

Wild Mullet Kingdom: Episode 1 “The Capture” (Uncensored)

Weekly Photo Challenge: BIG


By: Disassociated Press-on-Nails

NO WHERE IMPORTANT — One of the Big Tobacco companies is set to release it’s new line of cigarettes, Marlbooro, just in time for Halloween. The name was a stroke of genius, implying the obvious. These cigarettes are scary as shit.  “With the need to be the leader in this market, it was time to roll out a new line,” said head cancer stick designer, Mr. Black Lung. He went on to explain the creative thinking behind the new line. “It was time for us to make a statement to America and the rest of the world. We care about the economy! We care about the people. We care about healthcare!”

Big Tobacco Cigarettes

Apparently, this company wants to make an impact. We talked in length with the CIO (Chief Idiot Officer) to find out how they were going to do this.

  • Bulk packaging/product will allow a lower price-point and keep more loyal cigarette smokers……addicted.
  • Bigger product will give the “in your face” buying reaction needed to create new smokers.
  • The larger cigarette will ease the psychological guilt of “two packs a day” smokers, since smoking one of these cigarettes is now the equivalent.
  • Car companies will be forced to hire more employees to keep up with the interior design demands of the “Super-Sized” cigarette smoker.
    • More head/arm space
    • New ashtrays
    • New window design for dumping ashes
  • Technology companies will be out to create the cigarette holding/smoking version of the Bluetooth device.
  • Fashion designers will be out in masses, creating less flammable fabrics and improving clothing design, so the product can be carried.
  • Makers of toothpaste, perfumes and quit smoking products will have an immediate increase in sales.
  • Police officers can hand out more tickets for littering, since you can’t miss this baby flying out of your window.
  • More fire and rescue personnel will be hired due to the inevitable increase in forest and home fires.
  • Healthcare jobs are secure and increasing with this product. That is a given.
  • Psychological and Emotional needs will be satisfied with this product.
    • Prisoners will do anything for one of these, so coöperation should be on the rise.
    • This would be a status symbol for men. Bigger is better.
    • The ladies will surely improve their chances of being taken home….or somewhere. Who doesn’t want the girl with this in her mouth?

Per the CIO, “There is no greater pleasure than introducing this product. We feel like pioneers. You know, like the ones that ended up killing a bunch of folks.”

Microsoft Scammers: Anyone could do that job?


Sorry for the non-phallic length. Get comfy!


Sometimes, when a “grown” adult, shows their ass (…not literally…thank goodness…) by insulting a person for no other reason than: “grown” adult is ignorant, under/over-medicated, drunk, or just plain unstable…………I have to laugh inside, after feeling deeply sorry for their apparent issues. This happened quite recently, when Someone Having Inborn Troubles (S.H.I.T) called me a “fucking psychopath”. I don’t know if S.H.I.T thought I would be angry, start to cry or what. BUT………I thought it was trashy and sad.

Psycho or misunderstood?

Let me give you the back story on why S.H.I.T called me this: _____(?)_____ Okay. You know as much as I do. Of course, I could speculate. BUT………..My made up ideas would be as bad as their made up reasons for lashing out, SO…………I won’t go there. I am quite curious to understand the breakdown of their insult though.

Things that make you go hmmmm!

*fuck·ing*

damned; confounded (used as an intensifier).

OKAY………So there really isn’t much to address here. If you are going to throw out the word psychopath, bitch, slut, or even dumbass………..I guess adding this word in front adds “umph”. Good for you for showing some extra initiative.

Nice application!

*psy·cho·path*

a person with a psychopathic personality, which manifests as amoral and antisocial behavior, lack of ability to love or establish meaningful personal relationships, extreme egocentricity, failure to learn from experience

      a·mor·al

      1. not involving questions of right or wrong; without moral quality; neither moral nor immoral.

      2. having no moral standards, restraints, or principles; unaware of or indifferent to questions of right or wrong: a completely amoral person.

      e·go·cen·tric

      1. having or regarding the self or the individual as the center of all things: an egocentric philosophy that ignores social causes.

      2. having little or no regard for interests, beliefs, or attitudes other than one’s own; self-centered: an egocentric person; egocentric demands upon the time and patience of others.

This is a lot to work through.

SO………Let’s address this.

  • I’m not amoral, except on this blog.
  • I understand and comply with the rules of right and wrong. WELL……..Maybe not when I told my daughter and her friends that the boy group One Direction died after suffocating in their skinny jeans.
  • I have moral standards, restraints and principles. AND………To be clear………what goes on in my bedroom, with my hubby, doesn’t factor in. BUT………..we definitely have restraints.
  • I couldn’t confuse myself as being the center of things if I wanted to. My life revolves around my family, who know its all about me.
  • I am passionate about social causes, especially those involving children. I fully endorse child labor.
  • I take a great interest in my friend’s lives and what they are passionate about. Well, as long as it pertains to me.
  • I am open to other’s beliefs and attitudes. So what if I don’t agree with your sorry ass views.
  • I don’t demand attention from others. Please make sure to “chain letter” my blog posting to 20 of your friends or you suck.

SERIOUSLY……….All joking aside. Except for all of the sentences beginning with “I”, I am not egocentric. I am not amoral, and therefore, am not a psychopath. Besides, if I really were a psycho, you shouldn’t call me one. Real psychos wouldn’t remain calm and mature. They would go off on your ass and for less than name calling.

BUT……..I don’t want you going through life worrying about knowing a psychopath, and a “fucking” one at that……..I will make some promises, based on the definitions above, so you sleep with both eyes shut.

I will not:

hate someone because I wanted “their love” to date a person of my choosing.

send nasty text messages to “?”, and then forward them to “?’s” minor child and spouse.

get drunk and grab people’s private parts.

kill animals or people, except with humor.

invite men over to my home when my spouse isn’t around.

cheat and blame someone else.

encourage friends to stray, but criticize “non-friends” who cheat.

surf porn while reading the Bible.

curse and degrade my children for sport.

befriend someone, while secretly working to put their job/child visitation and freedom at risk.

flaunt my son’s special needs for my own amusement/attention.

pretend my mini-van is cool.

encourage my kids to do/say inappropriate things so I can put it on the internet.

think everything that is said or done is all about me.

become jealous and devalue (publically) others for skills they possess that I don’t.

lie about my age more than 2x.

think its cool to have minions.

go through friends like underwear because I’m insecure.

get jealous when others get attention.

wear white after labor day, unless it yellowed.

abuse the generosity of others.

get upset if my friends have other friends they spend time with.

say horrible, insensitive things when people are at their lowest.

double dip with the peanut butter.

try to turn people against each other because I need a project for the day.

be a S.H.I.T and take my problems out on others.

(Not that any of this matters to someone who doesn’t read my blog anyway, right??!!??)

I’ve been learning sign language.

Songs about killing and hatred……Does someone need a hug?


Shocking as it may seem………I am not a fan of cop killing, gay bashing or racist songs. To be blunt, they seem pretty fucking unnecessary to me. OH……….Did I fail to mention how ignorant they are? I suppose there are people, who think these songs are super cool and badass, but there are also people who eat their boogers, even into adulthood. Just sayin’!

Perhaps I would have more respect for these artists……….SORRY…….…I had to throw up in my mouth a little…….…if the lyrics were more honest.I mean, why do you really want to kill cops? Let’s be honest. It’s because you want to do various horrible, immoral and illegal things. Some of these things may include: rape, murder, beatings, robbery, drug dealing…….and so on and so forth. You want to do these things and be left alone. Sorry! I guess life isn’t fair. Didn’t your momma teach you that? Perhaps you should sing songs about the lawmakers as well. After all, they may have something to do with the laws the police are supposed to enforce. And how about the President of the United States? I suppose he endorses your behavior? Why not write song lyrics about your grandma? Unless you think she approves of your behavior. Oh……and for those who feel they are justified because of some kind of police brutality…….I have never heard a song naming Officer John Doe. The “brotherhood” does not mean every officer is accountable for another officer’s actions. If my sibling screws someone over…….WELL……It ain’t my fault. Seriously! So stop calling me!

AND……..How about you homophobes? Is it really necessary to announce to the world how you feel about sexual orientations other than those that are heterosexual. Screams out insecurity to me. What are you afraid of? Rejection??!!??

AND LASTLY……..Does the world need to know you are an ignorant racist? I’m referring to all the shades of racism.

Since these songs seem to be so popular among a limited “so smart they seem stupid” audience, I think we should expand. I think we should have songs about hating the dentist. Let’s face it……..going to the dentist sucks. How about slurs against the Disney Channel for running shows that make our children think parents don’t really exist? I’m currently writing a song about killing stirrup pants. Lord knows, we don’t need to bring those back. Here are some other ideas we can rage about:

  • eating vegetables
  • brushing our teeth
  • washing our hands
  • putting the toilet seat down
  • calling someone after you sleep with them
  • homework
  • flossing
  • pretending you like your in-laws

Let me know if anyone can come up with some really incredible song lyrics!

Michael Jackson: Newly Released Phone Call from 1995


SO……..I stumbled upon the oddest thing. I found (in my twisted mind) a transcript of a phone call between Michael Jackson and some chick. That in itself is odd…..I know! BUT……It’s crazy, because the phone call uses every song title from his albums:

OFF THE WALL (1979)

THRILLER (82)

BAD (87)

DANGEROUS (91)

HISTORY (95)

INVINCIBLE (01)

……..and the ULTIMATE COLLECTION (04)

Michael: Little Susie,  or whatever your name is. You are a P.Y.T (Pretty Young Thing). We’ve known each other since my Childhood, which means, we met yesterday and I know my genitals say we should Just Good Friends, but I want you to be The Lady In My Life, at least for enough time to get busy.

Girl: Say, Say, Say what you want, but not This Time Around. I don’t know if I can trust youI Can’t Help It, my last boyfriend was a Cheater, and it’s Human Nature to want to take things slow.

Michael: Come on. Baby Be Mine! I need to prove to the world that you aren’t just some Stranger In Moscow that I made up. People think I’m In The Closet and there’s Another Part Of Me I’m trying to hide from the world. I’m trying to Heal The World one child at a time. There’s no Monkey Business going on, except for that one I have at home.

Girl: I ain’t no Tabloid Junkie, but I’m a Superfly Sister and I don’t need to be caught up in no Carousel. So, maybe you aren’t with The Man child they pictured you with, but what about B.J?

Michael: I like those.

Girl: No! The girl.

Michael: Billie Jean is not my Girlfriend. Hell, she isn’t even my lover. She’s just a Street Walker that I felt Bad for. She was Working Day And Night for hardly any Money. I swear we never had sex. I just Beat It a few times in front of her when she talked about The Lost Children. That’s HIStory.

Girl: Okay. What about D.S.? You know…the dirty slut? I’m not going to Rock With You if you Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’ with her. I’m freaking Speechless. She goes commando and plugless when she’s on her period and gets Blood On The Dance Floor. She is straight up nasty.

Michael: You mean Dirty Diana? She’s Out of My Life. We spent a few days to Come Together. We experimented with 2000 Watts, played a few rounds of Someone Put Your Hand Out and invited a few friends over to Jam in with me.  It was intense. the experience made me Cry, gave me Butterflies, and required more Privacy than anyone should be allowed. I felt Threatened. I saw Ghosts. I became Scared Of The Moon. I took Morphine and something called Speed Demon until the Break Of Dawn. I thought I could Fly Away, but then, I thought, Heaven Can Wait. I mean….if I even go there. The stench was so bad when we were done, The owner said: “We have to Burn This Disco Out”.

Girl: You Can’t Let Her Get Away or you will let her Ease On Down The Road? Pick one!

Michael: You have to understand. She Drives Me Wild, but You Rock My World. You are fooled by the Man In The Mirror I’m pretending to be. I Just Can’t Stop Loving You for being so stupid. You Are My Life. Don’t Walk Away. I’m begging you. It’s The Way You Make Me Feel. Is this too soon? Is It Scary?

Girl: The Girl Is Mine, she’s not mine! Whatever! I’m getting whiplash here. Remember The Time I called you and you said you were home with Bubbles laying in the chamber together? Well, a Sunset Driver told me he saw you out with that Liberian Girl?

Michael: Bull crappy! It was a boy with long hair!

Girl: That’s even worse! He saw you Get On the Floor and get a Thriller. And he heard you yell: “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough”! Then he jumped back over the security wall at Neverland Ranch.

Michael: Wait! Were you following me? I thought I saw Someone In The Dark. Girl, that shit is Dangerous. I don’t care if you’re Black Or White. That place is Off The Wall. You can Scream and SHOUT and no one’s gonna do a damn thing. Get It?

Smooth Criminal everywhere you look? Besides, I’ve never done anything inappropriate with anyone, who wasn’t legally unable to consent,  intimidated, or influenced by my fame and “assumed”, but ever-diminishing wealth.  Why You Wanna Trip On Me?

Girl: Oh my God. Your ability to live in an alternate universe is Unbreakable. It’s The Falling In Love with the wrong things that freaks me out. I mean really, the Elephant Man’s skeleton? And no one ever believed the relationships with Brooke and Lisa Marie. Please just Leave Me Alone.

Michael: I’m Invincible and you are no Heartbreaker, but the good news…..You Are Not Alone.  I will let this phone call slide and give you Once More Chance. You should just Give In To Me. The Way You Love Me doesn’t matter because I’m the King of Pop and Whatever Happens, You Can’t Win. The truth is, the world’s people, They Don’t Care About Us celebrities. They just care how we fuck up and if we are Gone Too Soon. So, let’s say you put a Smile on your face. Marry me. Give me what I want. I will write some crappy Earth Song, make millions and then we can split once We’ve had Enough.

Girl: Well…..when you put it that way. So……Will You Be There?

Michael: Hell no! I won’t even let my sperm be there. I found a donor for us.

Girl: Who is it? They aren’t 2 Bad, right?.

Michael: Keep The Faith. This isn’t Bubbles first rodeo.

***Telephone transcript between Michael Jackson and Debbie Rowe.***

Jeremie Mouithsone: Who?


SO……Here is a letter I received in my inbox last night.

 

Hello,

My name is Jeremie Mouithsone, I’m launching a guys and girl’s go-to magazine for everything from the coolest new sex advice to the most powerful sexual attraction tips; our aim is arm men and women with the tools to create and live a better sex life, and have more fun doing it.

(OKAY……I googled his name and found a lot. A lot of stuff he created for himself, to promote who knows what, with no follow through. His public Facebook page has a lovely “going to prom” pic though.)

Objectives:

The primary objectives of Sexthismonth magazine will be to provide readers with personalize tips and advice related to their sexual experiences (If they already had it, then isn’t it too late? I don’t think these situations are suited for armchair quarterbacking.), in order to help them achieve the following goals:
Create the sexual experience they desire and deserve.
Eliminate sexual barriers that may be holding them back. (Like a family and kids?)
Providing them with ways to not only enjoy, but adore their bodies, as well their partner’s bodies. (TIP: Don’t look at yourself in dressing room mirrors. For that matter….Just don’t look. Lights out and blindfold on. You’d be amazed how great your partner will look.)
Harmonize, and as well as creating sparks back into relationships and marriages.

The magazine website is under development as we speak: www.sexthismonth.com

(The shell of a site does exist.)

First publication: January 1, 2013/ digital version.

We are looking for contributors for the upcoming magazine and its website, and because of your expertise we would like to ask if you’ll consider joining our contributors team. We’ve had a look at your work, and feel that your expertise would make for a great submission!

(I would love to know what expertise he believes I have. You know…..He must have talked to my Indian friend about our sexual conversation. Perhaps my expertise involves yelling expletives at solicitors on the phone. That is hot! BUT……He said he has looked at my work. I’m pretty sure my husband took those pics off of YouTube.)

Below is a short explanation of why you should join our contributors team.

Why join the team:

The site will grow fast and your contribution will give you a good exposure, as your contents is seen by millions of people. Our aim is to provide users with personalize and high quality articles everyday and we need your help to make this a reality.

(WELL…..Although your language skills are amazing, and the exposure you are offering is tempting, I don’t think I would be able to provide millions of people with personalize articles. That’s a lot of personalize to do.)

 

Were will the magazine be first seen by readers?

The magazine will first be release online (digital version) and via the following channels.
At our website: http://www.sexthismonth.com
iPhone
iPad
www.magzeter.com
www.magcloud.com (Awesome…..I created a magazine when I was twelve. I published (in my home with notebook paper/pencil/crayon) 3 issues, which I sold for a nickel and that was just to read them. I still have them. Maybe I’ll publish them and give you some healthy competition.)

http://www.issuu.com

One of the above channels will provide readers with an option of getting a print version of the issue they’re willing to purchase.

 

Benefits of Joining the team:
Your article will be featured for readers to see. (I suppose if they print it out, they could also use my article for toilet tissue.)
You can promote your own portfolio, website, along with your biography in the Author Information box at the end of each post, in both website and its monthly publication. (Hmmmmmm……You sure know how to tempt a girl.)
You’ll have an opportunity to both own our company shares, and a monthly salary as soon as the magazine start generating revenue. (SO……I see there is an opportunity in the future for me to PAY you for some shares. Sounds like a solid investment. OH…..And how awesome a salary would be, but the magazine has to generate revenue. I wonder when you’ll decide that will be??!!??)

Our aim is to create a focus-oriented strategy for all contents, which will give you an opportunity to become an expert in a particular field in the long-term. ( I thought I was an expert already? So you’re saying, If I have a focus-oriented strategy for my content, then I will become an expert in a particular field and long-term. IF that’s the case, I think I should write about medicine or law. There’s a lot more money to be had once I’m a medical or legal expert.)

 

What’ll be included in each articles:
Full Name / First Name: depending what you prefer to be know as. (I prefer to sign things CHUMP.)
Web site URL: you don’t have to have a website, you can link to your twitter or any other social media account
Bio: a short piece of text describing who you are and what you do.
Gravatar: if you don’t have a gravatar you should sign up, its a free service that will benefit any posts or comments you make, and show a small picture of yourself so readers can easily identify you.

What kind of content are we looking for?
Sexual, Erotic, romance articles that readers will always remember. (I can’t remember all my sexual experiences, but you think someone will remember an article on sex?)
Foods and meals that boost sexual desires. (Lots of alcohol.)
Sport tips that boost sexual desires. (Ass slapping! Oh wait…..athletes already do that, but I don’t think it turns them on, or does it?)
Fashion for sexual attraction (T-shirts that say: “I’m an easy lay.” or “I’m on the pill.” or “I’m still a virgin.” AND……for women…..”I have a job.” or “I promise to remember your name.” or “I’m not married.”)
sex tutorials, and more. (Those are in my private collection.)

When will the first issue be published?
The first publication is schedule for January 1, 2013, whiele we’re working on its website. With that being, in order to get more understand our what our audience needs (I thought they needed sex stuff.)
and want may look like in the futre we’ll therefore release a mini version of the first issue latest August 31, 2012. This means, we’ll need you to provide with your contribution latest June 15, should you decide to proceed. (Oh crap, it looks like you sent me this email 5 days too late. I can’t believe I’m going to miss out on this great opportunity. I can’t submit something to you, have you possibly post it, tell me there are tons of subscribers ready to buy in January and then ask me for money to buy some shares. Meanwhile…..This thing never sees the light of day and I lose my money. Damn…..I really wish I could be on this gravy train.)

Contribution timetable:
And below are some of the options we think my might work best for the both of us:
1. One article per month for the magazine issue delivered to me by the 15 of the month, every month, 800 words per article.
2. One articles per month delivered on an agreed date for the website, 1000 words per article every month.

We would send you an agreement for you to sign as soon as we have your final say. (I have seen your twitter and MySpace page and all the other stuff you opened for yourself. You are too much like the mighty OZ. I don’t think we run in the same circles and I’m not good at the hamster wheel……….SO………..I’ll have to decline. I wouldn’t want to bring the quality of your ventures to an all-time low.)

Thank you again for consedering being part of the team and we definitely look forward to working with you! ( That’s flattering. You may want to check out your FB page though. It seems that someone isn’t too happy to be working with you. He wants his money back for some ads and so do his friends. It sucks to have trouble in paradise so early on. That’s the price you pay when you are a media mogul.)

Wishing you all the best,
Jeremie Mouithsone

(Wishing you the best too. Can I have some spam with that?)

Blog Search Terms: stupid, scary, sane and sick


I find it fascinating and disturbing, the search terms that people have used to find my blog. Sadly, it seems hardly anyone actually uses the name of my blog.

Instead they use such terms as:

  • any variation of a person/persons of varying ages tied up: Let me just say: This is not and never will be a porn site. AND…….This is most certainly not a site for pedophiles. BUT…….Seriously, you sickos need to hang out elsewhere.
    • santa claus tied up: AND……Who is the twisted person that wanted to see Santa Claus tied up? What is wrong with you??!!??
    • getting your vibrator to work: UHHHH! Put batteries in it.
    • free gay boys: I’m pretty sure I’ve never solicited boys of any kind on my blog, free or otherwise.
    • shape changers fucking: Is the thrill in watching them change during the event? Someone get back to me on this one.
    • husband and drunk wife invited their best black friend to join: Join your scrabble game? Okay. I am at a loss at how you got here.
    • how to get pregnant with a boy: Stop looking up crap like this! Get back to your homework and do the dishes before your mom gets home.
    • I want tow fucken my friends hasbend.com: First of all, not to stereotype, but I’d like to think you are challenged in the way of language arts and not just a stupid idiot. This is probably not my business, but you clearly want advice on this topic, hence the search. I think you should deviate from this plan. You will lose your friendship and become, if you aren’t already, a big skank tramp. Sorry for the big words, let me rephrase. No fucken hasbend! Lose friend and you big slutto now!
  • Barbies searches are freakishly popular:
    • barbie pregnant, fat, old, slut, drunk, porn
    • ken fucks barbie:
    • drunk barbie cake: Seriously??!!??
    • barbie die
    • barbie hooker
    • ken doll sex
    • two or three barbies
    • barbie surgery
    • ken kills barbie
    • why doesn’t barbie ever get pregnant: Because she isn’t real dumbass!
  • many variations on husband not being your friend
  • celebrities that have rabies: Probably a lot of them.
  • koolaid down syndrome: I have never heard of that diagnosis. I’m fairly certain the consumption of Kool-Aid, does not result in down syndrome. BUT….I am not a medical doctor.
  • snow white kiss my ass: This must be a search by the evil queen or perhaps a disgruntled dwarf. OR…..Am I supposed to say little person?
  • can i fuck your children up and shake them up with ass: If I understand this correctly, you want to research screwing your/someone else’s children up and then frightening them with a backside? Okay. Clearly I will need help with this one. Perhaps I just don’t speak the language. Any translators out there?
  • room spinning and shaking after alcohol: The shaking is a new one to me. Perhaps you were drunk during an earthquake? Anyway……don’t drink so much! Glad I could help.
  • where is gregory godek today?: I had no idea anyone would want to find him. Remember: He is America’s Romance Coach (the one we never knew we had), which is why we must be failing at love so often.

SO…….I suppose I share some responsibility here. Sorry for my misleading posts, which thwarted your search for truth, ultimate stupid answers and sick videos. I imagine these are a few of the culprits.

He’s not my friend. He’s my husband.

 Weekly Photo Challenge: Celebration

 Celebrity News- Mugshots, Rabies and Alec Baldwin

 It’s hard to be an ass over the holidays. (another crappy ass cartoon)

Occupy Oakland and Get Pregnant (Barbie style)

 Whose a Rotten Egg? (Barbie style….)

 Celebrity News: Kids, Conspiracy theories and Dolly

 If it stumbles like a drunk and slurs like a drunk, it might be a drunk. (Part 1),         (Part 2)

Whoring around in the blogosphere…..(inspired by: 911 post)

TAG: The new four letter word or the only word you’ll ever need?

For the saps………….

Cheap Love: Courtesy of “The Coach”

Weekly Photo Challenge: Down

You could’ve done worse.


Mother’s Day is right around the corner and for some, that might bring dread.  It could be your mom, mother-in-law or even a grandmother you recognize or force yourself to visit on this day.  For those who think their “maternal” person is annoying, smothering, lacking maternal instinct, downright embarrassing, the direct spawn of Satan and so much more…….WELL……Let’s see if we can turn that around for you. Maybe she’s not as bad as you thought.

The following mothers (meant both ways), might get the prize for Most Annoying, Most Smothering, Most Heartless, Most Embarrassing, Most Likely the spawn of Satan and so much more.

Mary Kay Letourneau

Joan Crawford

Martha Stewart

Courtney Love

Britney Spears

Thomas Beatie

Place pic here if your

“maternal” one makes

the cut.

TAG: The new four letter word or the only word you’ll ever need?


SO……There’s something new going around the blogosphere, which I’m sure many of you are already aware of. It’s a new game of sorts called “Tag, you’re it.” It seems innocent enough, but for kicks, I looked in the Urban Dictionary for definitions of TAG. Big mistake!

  • Krxcial says it means: Mentally retarded human being who tries to rape others
  • Julia in down town Denver says: to have sex or fuck
  • Taylorgio Armani: a unique person who likes grapes and ribs
  • jackb1211: to shoot someone with a gun
  • Creative black guy 43: to shoot a girl’s vagina with a nerf gun (stick dart) and leave a mark
  • Astroboy: masturbation
  • Jakestar: a quick, sharp blow to the scrotum
  • Agbujale&Stone: to cut or fuck up
  • suks: a communist whose sole purpose in life is to find cheaper and better vodka
  • Il Piu Lucroso: not cool
  • parkmybus: to insert a thumb in a woman’s ass
  • Watashi: to punch someone
  • Amber: ass or butt

Okay……So let me get this straight. If I’m in with the streetwise slang slinger’s who came up with this shit and had this story to tell:

Boris was truly a unique guy. He loved grapes and ribs while masturbating. Sometimes it was lonely. People saw him only as a communist whose sole purpose in life was to find cheaper and better vodka. No one saw him as a real man.

Boris wanted to prove everyone wrong by doing something manly. He could punch someone, or better yet, shoot someone with a gun. Then he remembered he didn’t own a firearm. So he thought he could find a girl to have sex with. If not, perhaps a girl whose vagina he could shoot with a Nerf gun and leave a mark .

Boris set out to find this special someone. He approached a young woman and asked if he could insert his thumb up her ass or butt. She gave him a quick, sharp blow to the scrotum and told him to back off or she’d cut him and fuck him up.

“That’s not cool”, said Boris.

The girl replied, “What are you, some mentally retarded human being who tries to rape others?”

It would be rewritten by the new voice of America per Urban Dictionary as:

Boris was a tag, who tagged. Sometimes it was lonely. People saw him as a tag. No one saw him as a real man.

Boris wanted to prove everyone wrong by doing something manly. He could tag someone, or better yet, tag someone. Then he remembered he didn’t own a firearm. So he thought he could find a girl to tag. If not, perhaps a girl to tag.

Boris set out to find this special someone. he approached a young woman and asked if he could tag her or tag. She have him a tag and told him to back off or she’d tag him.

“Tag”, said Boris.

The girl replied, “What are you, tag?”

Okay folks, that’s a look at what idiots pass off as street slang. I’m all for saying things in a more concise way, but What the TAG?!!?