Ruminating The Rumors


A lie is a horrible thing, but a lie with wings is even worse. It flies as far and high as possible, wreaking havoc and destroying lives, or at least….trying to. These pretty little birds of flight are known as RUMORS.

No one has successfully avoided the rumor mill. You either created a rumor, helped spread one, or were on the receiving end.  BUT….Make no mistake, you’ve been tainted. 

Here are a few created and spread about me. Some caught flight for bit and some experienced a horrible death after I clipped their wings.

  • The summer before 9th grade, my mother moved to Texas. I decided to leave Virginia and spend the break with her.  When I returned to school, I discovered that I had given my baby away.  Apparently, I went away to hide my pregnancy and give birth. Who knew!!??!! (Any rich and famous 30-year-olds needing a mommy? Look me up!)
  • After my divorce, my ex told everyone he could (at my children’s events) that I stole 100,000 dollars from him. AND…..Used that money to buy a used car. Okay. Do you see the fucking logic in that?
  • The Spouse-No-Mores tried to convince the world that my hubby and I were cheaters and caused the first marriages to end. NOW….If they meant : We were cheaters because we got together before the divorce papers were signed, then okay. AND…..If they meant: We ended the marriages because we actually bought into the fidelity thing on their part, then okay. I guess they were right.
  • One Spouse-No-More went as far as to tell the children’s “Christian” preschool teacher that I was a slutty cheater. Just the thought of it must have turned that ex on, because every school day, they would follow me outside, into the parking lot, and stop short of my vehicle.  They brought their manly-looking woman friend to stalk along with them. I think they wanted to have sex with me.  Who could blame them??!! It didn’t take long for the teacher and moms to learn the truth.
  • An ex (fondly referred to as: SpongeBob Squarepants) said I slept with 1/2 the county. I tried to do the math, and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t really possible. BUT……Maybe I was unconscious at the time, and the other time, and the other time, and the other time, and the…………..
  • After I broke up with a high school boyfriend, he told classmates he did sexual things to me in church, where his father was the preacher, with people sitting around us. Wow! Talk about a religious experience!
  • One of my ex-stepmothers (had 4) said she suspected me of having an inappropriate relationship with my dad because I hugged him goodnight. In her defense, she thought raising her own offspring was too much coddling and let the state put her kids with other folks.

RUMOR QUOTES:

Rumors are mostly a projection of the individual who started them. (ROYA R. RAD, Therapy Dialogue)

Those who feed on rumors are small, suspicious souls. (CHARLES R. SWINDOLL, Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life)

You know what rumors are like–like a jar full of moths. Once they escape, they’re all over the place. (RHYS BOWEN, Oh Danny Boy)

People who spread rumors are like walking infections. The lying words from their mouths spread like disease from person to person. The only way to stop the disease is to keep your mouth shut. (JOYCE HANSEN, One True Friend)

Rumors are created by the jealous and spread by the ignorant. Fortunately, the truth usually wins our!

It’s rather deceiving……


It’s rather deceiving, but you have empties believing

Belief in your word that gives most people GERD

They ignore  the shrew, deep inside of you

But why?

It’s a means to a screw

Legs that can’t be held together with surgical glue

*

And you with your smile,  like a crocodile

No substance to offer, just an empty coffer

Talk, talk, talk, with no walk, walk, walk

To what end?

To continue to squawk

To have others gawk

*

Give us a break, you scream “I’m a fake!”

There’s no special tool when you’re tricking a fool

Try  someone with smarts, they’ll see your black heart

But how?

Your air smells like fart

You’re a known Day Old Tart

*

To clear the confusion and dismiss the illusion

Deciding to be kind, does not make one blind

Tolerance in advance, gives you a chance

To do what?

To rise above your self-made circumstance

But you failed to prove you wear the pants

*

Do yourself a favor and get a new flavor

Your looks, not taboo, more like Mr. Magoo

Your sex appeal, in your head, not so real

Why so harsh?

When trash talking others is your meal

No one gives a shit how you feel

*

It’s rather deceiving, but you have empties believing

They will spot the lie when the Kool-Aid runs dry

Then nothing is left, but a life of regret

How?

Happiness and love will die from neglect

Anyone left standing will be completely spent

 

Facehooking: Quickie or Bust


I haven’t been around much lately. NOT much blogging and not much/if any blog reading. BUT……My Facebook friends have seen too much of me lately.

imagesCA0ZU4XD (Thanks Google Images)

WHY No Bloggie?

  • I enrolled in an online training course. I have a year to complete this, but I am trying to finish in 6 months. Momma is looking for a paycheck.
  • I am now a coach for the Special Olympics. I know, right??!!?? What the hell were they thinking?
  • I’m thinking of writing other things.( need to send to a beautiful Red person) Seriously…..I am spending a lot of time thinking.
  • I started Zumba classes. Let the laughter begin.
  • I suck at time management.
  • When I have free time: I try to have sex. And if he’s home…..my spouse is included.  I try to sleep. I bathe and spend time putting on and taking off clothing, but mostly for myself.

SO……..WHY  do I have time for Facehooking you ask? You probably didn’t ask , but we’re going to pretend you give a fuck.

imagesCAKBZHB4(Thanks Google Images)

WHY BE a Facehooker?

  • The money is good. Oh……Sorry. Wrong hooking job came to mind.
  • I can quickly and mindlessly tab over while studying online.
  • I get a bit of a blog fix. BUT……Only a speck.

Here’s some crap I’ve put on Facebook in my blog absence.

imagesCAIXRBX0(Thanks Google Images)

STATUS UPDATES:

  • FaceHookers: It’s a personal choice, but I personally can’t wrap my brain around the buffet of men’s facial hair. Seriously…I look at your mouth and feel violated. Did I just walk into some chick’s appointment for a much needed landscape/wax job? Oh no, it’s just your lips moving creepily inside a disturbing display of hair follicles. (My ex inspired this one. He has some goatee-mustache smashup going on. Also, he dyed his growth black to cover his gray, which is interesting, since that is not his original hair color. Needless to say…….He is bald up top, so this growth around his mouth looks like a hairy vagina.)
  • Zumba Observations:
    Wearing jeans to class…..Really?
    What’s with doing zumba with a blow pop in your mouth? Is it a test to see if you can perform BJs while on the dance floor? (I honestly thought she was smoking at first. Clearly, the decision to go to an exercise class was made after she got dressed and left the house.)
  • Hey, people in love, who claim they fell at first sight?
    Good thing your love had a personality to back up the visual. OR……Wouldn’t you have felt silly? (This shit cracks me up. First sight….That means visual you bitches. Let’s just say our shallow self lucked out on this one.)
  • Ann Coulter looks and sounds like an over-aged shot girl, who drank all the profits. Listening to her unintelligent ramblings/inaccuracies makes it clear how she got in and graduated from law school. (She can stick the ‘R” word up her ass.)
  • My son, looking out for the taxpayers: “Why does Cowboy always have to go to court? Can’t he stop arresting people and just throw them in the river?” (He’s going to be a fucking politician.)
  • SEX PLAN for (not-so-newly) Married Men:
    Set Mood: Do/Help with mundane chores around house. (We hate them too)
    Foreplay: Don’t argue with us. (We know when we’re wrong. We just don’t want you to tell us.)
    Main Event: Must last longer than the time it took for you to take off/pull down your pants. Don’t grunt and don’t shout yes as if we asked you a question.
    Afterwards: Go away. Spooning feels like a hot flash. We need to sleep, watch t.v or get on FB. (Enough said.)
  • When the world comes crashing down on you, just know that I’m here……thinking……”I’m glad I wasn’t standing beside you.” (Possible fortune cookie submission?)
  • Talking to Thing 3 and Thing’s Friend:
    Friend: (not happy) We have to healthy lunches because of Mrs. Obama
    Thing 3: Yeah. The pizza isn’t good.
    Me: Kids in America have serious health issues…(blah, blah, blah) We didn’t have any of the stuff you all have. We played outside.
    Thing 3: Well you had those big cell phones right?
    Me: No. And…..only the 3 channels on our TV. The shows went from toons, to news, games shows, soaps, news again and primetime.
    Friend: I can’t hear anymore of this. You are freaking me out.
    Thing 3: Maybe we should play outside?
    Friend: Outside is boring. There’s no electronic part to it. (If you don’t like healthy food, you might want to seriously reconsider having Mrs. Obama stay in the White House for 4 more years.)
  • SO ……I’m almost to the kid’s school and I’m thinking….”I can go over 20mph. After all, I’m not taking my seatbelt off just to lift my shirt in the zone and show my tits.”  (It’s a loophole.)

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA         (Thanks Google Images)

  • Constructive criticism is great in theory, but when your kid won’t listen, sometimes you just have to say: “Your project looks like butt!” (Tough love. That’s what being a parent is all about.)
  • If The Cute One despised me, then last night, instead of waking up crying for me……he would’ve woken up and thought……”There is no way I’m calling out for that crazy b*$%!”…….It could’ve been a win-win. (Sleep rocks!)