Throwback Thursday? How about Bludgeon Thursday instead?


In honor of Throwback Thursday, I thought I’d throw back a few old posts.

How many you ask?

245

As many of you already know, all of my original posts were temporarily removed in order to wipe my blog slate clean for my public declaration regarding my walk with Christ. Temporarily removing my work was merely a way to eliminate any distractions from new readers.

With that being said……I prayed about it. Agree or not, I’ve put back all my original work. There is no editing of content in posts or comments.

There are many reasons for just slapping everything back up as is.

  1. Editing? Ain’t nobody got time for that. With 245 posts? What a waste of valuable time! It would literally be my life’s work. An unknown’s comfort level is not worth my children starving and my hygiene hitting rock bottom.
  2. It’s all me.  I am not ashamed of me. I’m not ashamed of me in the past, present or well……the future would be a hard one to put in here. I am who I am today because of who I was yesterday and all those other days too. Pretending it didn’t exist in writing because of curse words, brutal honesty or sexual innuendos would be denying a history. If you forget where you’ve been, how do you know if you’ve gone anywhere?
  3. I keep everything I write. It’s like keeping old photographs. It’s how I express myself and it’s all relevant to me.
  4. If I am going to be judged for this decision, it won’t be by you, or you, or you. I say that with the utmost respect.

Now….I’m sorry, but I didn’t go through the posts to see which ones contained a PG versus a PG-14 rating, or which ones had strong language.

SOLUTION:

I suggest you use caution when navigating….or….make the choice to stay with the new stuff. I can’t be responsible for any stumbling or falling off the wagon that might take place. Although, I don’t think I have that type of influence. And.I can’t apologize to people who decide to explore my previous content and then get offended or displeased about anything. My blog was born out of self-expression. It thrived on absurdity, humor, sarcasm, brutal honesty and full-blown emotional venting.  It’s an evolution of my mind. Kind of like an episode of hoarders, but with words instead of a collection of old papers, electronics and old McDonald’s toys.

IN A NUTSHELL:

PAST/PRESENT/FUTURE - I stand by my content, although not everyone will always love my approach. I will continue to be honest and direct and because I am flawed, I will continue with the personal TMI. Keeping it real people. Keeping it real.

I don’t


I don’t dare -

Feel like this will never end

All the pain….

All the hurt….

Despite the will to bend

I don’t think -

Time will ever change

That way….

That look….

The cards are all arranged

I don’t know -

The path that this will take

What length…

What light….

Will magnify mistakes

I don’t need -

To go back to that place

For you….

For them….

So your pain can be erased

I don’t care -

If it all comes tumbling down

To prove….

To show….

There’s no way to get around

I don’t try -

To pretend it’s all okay

All the pain….

All the hurt…..

Will make me stronger every day

It’s not you. It’s me.


(No apologies for length. I haven’t written this effortlessly in a long time. I’m enjoying the flow. “No sorry for you!”)

ANYWAY…..I hope everyone’s recovered from my post the other day. I heard 911 calls went up about 45%. Sorry for the shock.! I know. I know. I deviated from the norm on this blog, but only a little with a bit of a lot mixed in. I’ve always been a “tell it like it is” kind of person, so I just told it like it was. My walk with Christ has been on my mind and I thought I’d give it a shout out. I’m not trying to be preachy or tell you how to live. This is about me. If you get something out of this for yourself, then great. If you don’t, then you stopped by for a read and that’s cool.

For those resistant to change, this isn’t going to become a Bible blog. There are a ton of those out there and they don’t need the competition. Although, The Unexpected Christian has a nice ring to it, or maybe The Wacky Witness.  I’ll let you know if we ever need to vote on a new name. In the meantime…….I’m sure things will be focused on and written about a bit differently due to the journey I’m embarking on. Who knows? I might talk about my “walk” each time I post. Maybe I’ll develop a spaghetti fetish or a fear of gravel and start writing about that. If that’s how it goes, then that’s how it goes.

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What’s going on here??!!

Make no mistake, this is still my blog. It will be filled with humor (….my opinion), variety and an unusual level of TMI regarding my personal experiences. What can I say? I like to share stories. Is that a crime?

In the end, I hope I don’t lose too many of you. I’d be naïve to think you’ll all stick around. Let’s face it, change doesn’t sit well with everyone. And no…..I’m not talking about coins. Although, pennies must be offensive because they can always be found lying around. No one wants them. So sad. Anyway……Change is scary and uncomfortable. For some reason, a lot of us just don’t handle it well. Perhaps if we switch the word change to improve(ments). Now that sounds easier to swallow, doesn’t it?

Let’s recap some improvements I’ve written about here:

  • ALCOHOL: Two years ago, I decided to cut my alcohol consumption. No one said: “You suck! You need to drink alcohol to be funny and have friends”. Instead, I was met with support and a lot of well-meaning jokes. Do I still consume alcoholic beverages? Yes. BUT……It’s no longer an every weekend, get together, “girl talk”, kids are out of school, “I had a bad day” or “I had a good day kind of thing”. And now…….I consume beer with a percentage of alcohol so low, a fly falls in and struggles to swim out just to call me a light-weight.

  • HEALTHIER LIVING: A little over a year ago, I decided to lose weight and get healthy. Again…….I never heard “Your big clothes are going to hate you. Stop trying to feel better.”  Like before, I was met with support and love. Do I still eat junk? Absolutely. Do I have a strict exercise regime that I stick to weekly? No. BUT……I went from a size 16 to an 8 in one year. Quite an improvement for me.

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NOW: I’m on a journey with Christ to improve my life. I’m not aiming for perfection, just better. Like the drinking and the healthy living, it’s a lifestyle change. Got that? Lifestyle…..meaning FOR LIFE. See what I did there? I went from a little improvement to a change. That’s how it works people. You make improvements and it can’t help but lead to change. Unlike a new hairstyle or outfit, this is for keeps. The fact is, I’ve tried this Christian Coat on since I was a child. (Those dressing room mirrors really bite!) I finally bought it almost nine-years ago, but was too afraid to take off the tags. I JUST RIPPED THE TAGS OFF! No returns now.

Like my other journeys, I hope you support me in this. You don’t have to like it or even take the trip with me, but I hope you respect my decision and where it takes me. It brought me back to writing, and that works for me.

ALL SAILORS ARE WELCOME, EVEN PIRATES!!

My blog is born again and I’m gonna “walk the walk”.


WARNING: Wordy. BUT….It’s been a long time, so don’t you owe me?

Yep. I’m talking about this barren blog. For those of you who still pay attention on here, you’ll see that everything is gone. You can laugh uncomfortably, but don’t cry. Things have been crazy busy, but mostly in my head. Though that isn’t unusual, I’ve been struggling with this blog for awhile. Haven’t you heard? I’m evolving.

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Let me try to explain. Okay…..Here’s where I might lose some of you, literally and metaphorically.  Leaving breadcrumbs won’t help. I’ll just turn around and eat them.

Anyway…..I was in a “not so hot” marriage and traveling down the road of divorce in 2004. I thought to myself: “I need God! He’ll fix this.” (Not how it works by the way.) and began going to a church, which can only be described as a “ Kool-Aid Supplier”. I was too naive (…seriously) to realize most everyone had red punch stains around their lips. There I was, drowning in a sea of hypocrisy and mumbo jumbo. The lifeguards didn’t even know CPR. Still an idiot to all that was wrong there, I got saved in 2005. And….not from a plane crash, not from a near drowning and not from food poisoning. I got saved as in “accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior”. Are you still with me? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Beuller? Now…..It was sincere. I really accepted him, but the people who surrounded me at the time, were not the best supporting cast. If my memory serves, I was baptized on my 35th birthday. My “friends”  took me out on my birthday for food and drinks…….before the baptism. I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t have gone down like that. Also, they held posters up with some kind of encouraging words and got a bit rowdy. Really, it wasn’t America’s Got Religious Talent. I should’ve know then.

Let’s fast forward through the rest: I spent a lot of years struggling (…still am)  because the “mentors” I found weren’t quite legit. They were always around and were super friendly, but their values and morals didn’t match up. They were good at talking the talk, but they had a hard time walking the walk. Now…..I understand that no one is perfect. Everyone stumbles and falls, but let’s just say their catch phrase should’ve been “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” I finally left the brick and mortar behind, but it took me several more years to break from the flesh and bone influences. It’s not to say they influenced my decisions, but they influenced my mood, my spirit. and even my reaction to things when I was in their presence. I’ve said many times that you need to surround yourself with those who share the same values you do. And religion aside, the most basic values were not there. I finally broke free. It was painful and ugly, but I feel like I can breathe again……oxygen, not carbon dioxide.

SO……Let’s get to now and why my blog content has mysteriously disappeared. As far as people go, I think I’m pretty good. I have a good heart and I care about others….blah, blah, blah. BUT…..As a role model for my kids and to truly live my salvation, I could use some tweaking. For example: Cursing like a sailor (slight exaggeration) might not really be necessary. Finding new ways and words to express myself, could be challenging and fun.

It’s a New Year…..almost. It’s time to come clean. One of my resolutions is to “walk the walk”. And….This blog has to be a part of it. I’ve made all my posts private until I can go through them and repost with adjustments. My friend assures me I can “walk the walk” and still be my humorous self. Let’s see if she’s right. If I don’t walk quite right, I’ll blame it on my recent foot surgeries. Can I do that? Does it work that way?

Ruminating The Rumors


A lie is a horrible thing, but a lie with wings is even worse. It flies as far and high as possible, wreaking havoc and destroying lives, or at least….trying to. These pretty little birds of flight are known as RUMORS.

No one has successfully avoided the rumor mill. You either created a rumor, helped spread one, or were on the receiving end.  BUT….Make no mistake, you’ve been tainted. 

Here are a few created and spread about me. Some caught flight for bit and some experienced a horrible death after I clipped their wings.

  • The summer before 9th grade, my mother moved to Texas. I decided to leave Virginia and spend the break with her.  When I returned to school, I discovered that I had given my baby away.  Apparently, I went away to hide my pregnancy and give birth. Who knew!!??!! (Any rich and famous 30-year-olds needing a mommy? Look me up!)
  • After my divorce, my ex told everyone he could (at my children’s events) that I stole 100,000 dollars from him. AND…..Used that money to buy a used car. Okay. Do you see the fucking logic in that?
  • The Spouse-No-Mores tried to convince the world that my hubby and I were cheaters and caused the first marriages to end. NOW….If they meant : We were cheaters because we got together before the divorce papers were signed, then okay. AND…..If they meant: We ended the marriages because we actually bought into the fidelity thing on their part, then okay. I guess they were right.
  • One Spouse-No-More went as far as to tell the children’s “Christian” preschool teacher that I was a slutty cheater. Just the thought of it must have turned that ex on, because every school day, they would follow me outside, into the parking lot, and stop short of my vehicle.  They brought their manly-looking woman friend to stalk along with them. I think they wanted to have sex with me.  Who could blame them??!! It didn’t take long for the teacher and moms to learn the truth.
  • An ex (fondly referred to as: SpongeBob Squarepants) said I slept with 1/2 the county. I tried to do the math, and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t really possible. BUT……Maybe I was unconscious at the time, and the other time, and the other time, and the other time, and the…………..
  • After I broke up with a high school boyfriend, he told classmates he did sexual things to me in church, where his father was the preacher, with people sitting around us. Wow! Talk about a religious experience!
  • One of my ex-stepmothers (had 4) said she suspected me of having an inappropriate relationship with my dad because I hugged him goodnight. In her defense, she thought raising her own offspring was too much coddling and let the state put her kids with other folks.

RUMOR QUOTES:

Rumors are mostly a projection of the individual who started them. (ROYA R. RAD, Therapy Dialogue)

Those who feed on rumors are small, suspicious souls. (CHARLES R. SWINDOLL, Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life)

You know what rumors are like–like a jar full of moths. Once they escape, they’re all over the place. (RHYS BOWEN, Oh Danny Boy)

People who spread rumors are like walking infections. The lying words from their mouths spread like disease from person to person. The only way to stop the disease is to keep your mouth shut. (JOYCE HANSEN, One True Friend)

Rumors are created by the jealous and spread by the ignorant. Fortunately, the truth usually wins our!

Taking my bow before the intervention takes place.


Apparently, Twindaddy isn’t doing such a hot job of hiding his crack addiction. How do I know? Well……He gave me the ABC Award. That’s how. Awesome Blog Content! Seriously?

Clearly, only a crack addict would think such nonsense. But hey……..You gotta be loved by somebody, right??!!??

Per this award, one has to list (by alphabet) things that are relevant to them. I’m sure I’m supposed to pass this on to others, but I suck at getting awards now.

In the beginning of blogging, I was all like: “OMG! How do I get one of those awards?” and then it was like “OMG! Someone gave me an award. I’m going to put out a rocking post to thank them and pay it forward.” and then it became “OMFG!!! I can’t keep up with this shit. I can barely get my brain to put out a semi-shitless post, let alone another acceptance piece.” and now it’s like “Thank the fucking lord everyone knows I’m a slackass and they barely bother to read my stuff, let alone praise me for it.”

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the thought, but I’m a slacker with reciprocating. Kind of like some people with oral sex!

Please go to STUPHBLOG and read 26 Things to see who else his cracked-out self passed the award to.

So…..Before the intervention takes place, he gets cleans and takes this away from me, I better get on with the getting on. Here are the 26 things relevant to my life currently.

A: Avocados (Great!)

B: Bacon (I wish I could eat it 24/7.)

C: Cute One (He rocks!)

D: Divorce (1. Great babysitter.  2. Great therapy.   3. Great weight loss plan.)

E: Evenings (Things finally settle down and I can relax.)

F: Friends (Enough said!)

G: God (Shocking, but true!)

H: Hubby (We’re forever, like herpes.)

I: Intercourse (…with hubby)

J: Java (IV please!)

K: Karma (It’s a bitch! I watch it in others like a train wreck.)

L: Laughter (It’s like breathing.)

M: Mysteries (books, shows or movies.)

N: Narcissists (Entertaining poison we can’t eradicate, yet.)

O: Orgasms (Note the “s” at the end. I love my husband.)

P: Poetry (Word Therapy)

Q: Quality (My absolute favorite word….meaning and sound.)

R: Randomness (The kids keep me guessing and on my toes.)

S: Strength Training (My weekly routine I can’t do without.)

T: Things 1, 2 and 3 (Tax deductions!)

U: United States (Well….I live in it and it’s pretty cool mostly.)

V: Vacation (Two days from now, I’ll be cruising.)

W: Writing (Love, love, love it, even if I don’t always do it.)

X: XM Radio (My music. My way.)

Y: You (Yeah you. Thanks for reading this.)

Z: Zoo…..I live in one.

So…..Those are my relevant things. I don’t know if I shocked or amazed you, but I did hold you hostage for a bit, and that’s pretty cool.

Sorry about not passing this on, but I’ve never been good at sharing the bottle. Please give this award to yourself! We can change the meaning to Absolute Blog Crazy if you like mine. Guilty pleasure or your version of a train wreck? I don’t care, as long as you’re here.

And……Sorry for being a selfish blog lover. I promise to reciprocate. I just want to make sure I’m able to properly swallow all of the words first. It would be humiliating to choke on them.

It’s my party and I’ll make you cry if I want to!


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43 IS AWESOME:

I’m stronger than ever.

My face is holding up (Just don’t look at my hands).

My body isn’t due for an overhaul yet.

I’m fairly certain my mind is in tact.

My words are just as devastating and magical, if not more.

My four kids like me without resorting to bribes….yet.

My husband hasn’t had the itch to bump private parts with anyone else.

I don’t wear mom jeans.

My ass isn’t fat, flat or in need of stick removal.

My breasts still stay up on their own. AND……yes, they’re mine. I have the receipt to prove it.

I have hot flashes, but only in the bedroom.

My friends are the most incredible, genuine, nontoxic bitches around.

My blog buddies still love me, even though I have abandoned them recently. (I left breadcrumbs my darlings!)

I’m mature enough to not have to cover my ass…no need to lie or hide.

I’m secure enough to not give a shit about bullshit.

I’m smart enough to see right through games and false smiles.

I’m nice enough to tolerate those who are intolerable, for the sake of a cause.

Beer and chips are still my friends since I’m working out.

My sense of humor has not left me.

With all its ups, downs, and perfect imperfections, life is amazing. I can’t wait to see what crazy nonsense this year brings for me to hurdle over.

One thing is certain, I will persevere and laugh my way through it all.

If my sticktoitiveness makes you cry along the way, well…..I’m sorry, but this is my life party and I can’t stop to wipe tears.

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Future Tense


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This is the future, but also right now.

You aren’t welcome back, no way, no how.

No open arms and no open doors.

It’s clear to all, if it wasn’t before.

You are damaged and toxic, with no moral code.

Picking on children at your age. How bold!

We understand your life sucks pretty hard.

But that’s your fault, so don’t throw crap in our yard.

Haters hate and you are no exception.

I’m pretty sure it started at your conception.

If you’re still in the dark, let me turn on the light.

Without you around, the future is bright.

(Word to your mother…..)