Still taking a sabbatical from this blog. If you care, I’m sorry. If you don’t, you’re welcome. Working on ADoseofJustice.com and “stuff”.
When you asked me “how far along are you?,” and I answered “I’m not!,” as in “I am not pregnant”, your elderly ears could not hear me, so I had to repeat myself. The five other strangers standing in line with us were doing their best to pretend that they were not listening. Talk about awkward.
All day yesterday I stewed about how insensitive it was for you to ask me that question.
A lie is a horrible thing, but a lie with wings is even worse. It flies as far and high as possible, wreaking havoc and destroying lives, or at least….trying to. These pretty little birds of flight are known as RUMORS.
No one has successfully avoided the rumor mill. You either created a rumor, helped spread one, or were on the receiving end. BUT….Make no mistake, you’ve been tainted.
Here are a few created and spread about me. Some caught flight for bit and some experienced a horrible death after I clipped their wings.
- The summer before 9th grade, my mother moved to Texas. I decided to leave Virginia and spend the break with her. When I returned to school, I discovered that I had given my baby away. Apparently, I went away to hide my pregnancy and give birth. Who knew!!??!! (Any rich and famous 30-year-olds needing a mommy? Look me up!)
- After my divorce, my ex told everyone he could (at my children’s events) that I stole 100,000 dollars from him. AND…..Used that money to buy a used car. Okay. Do you see the fucking logic in that?
- The Spouse-No-Mores tried to convince the world that my hubby and I were cheaters and caused the first marriages to end. NOW….If they meant : We were cheaters because we got together before the divorce papers were signed, then okay. AND…..If they meant: We ended the marriages because we actually bought into the fidelity thing on their part, then okay. I guess they were right.
- One Spouse-No-More went as far as to tell the children’s “Christian” preschool teacher that I was a slutty cheater. Just the thought of it must have turned that ex on, because every school day, they would follow me outside, into the parking lot, and stop short of my vehicle. They brought their manly-looking woman friend to stalk along with them. I think they wanted to have sex with me. Who could blame them??!! It didn’t take long for the teacher and moms to learn the truth.
- An ex (fondly referred to as: SpongeBob Squarepants) said I slept with 1/2 the county. I tried to do the math, and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t really possible. BUT……Maybe I was unconscious at the time, and the other time, and the other time, and the other time, and the…………..
- After I broke up with a high school boyfriend, he told classmates he did sexual things to me in church, where his father was the preacher, with people sitting around us. Wow! Talk about a religious experience!
- One of my ex-stepmothers (had 4) said she suspected me of having an inappropriate relationship with my dad because I hugged him goodnight. In her defense, she thought raising her own offspring was too much coddling and let the state put her kids with other folks.
Rumors are mostly a projection of the individual who started them. (ROYA R. RAD, Therapy Dialogue)
Those who feed on rumors are small, suspicious souls. (CHARLES R. SWINDOLL, Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life)
You know what rumors are like–like a jar full of moths. Once they escape, they’re all over the place. (RHYS BOWEN, Oh Danny Boy)
People who spread rumors are like walking infections. The lying words from their mouths spread like disease from person to person. The only way to stop the disease is to keep your mouth shut. (JOYCE HANSEN, One True Friend)
Rumors are created by the jealous and spread by the ignorant. Fortunately, the truth usually wins our!
My friend, started a site: An Open Apology. Anyone is invited to write and submit a letter. It could be to your ex, your boss, your mom, or even your pet. And…..It can be stone cold serious or full of humor. Whatever helps you get the words out…….
Without further ado, here is the apology letter I submitted.
(RED: Thanks for reading this first and reassuring me that I’m not quite the piece of shit I thought I might be. Well…..not in this instance anyway.)
Although these words will never meet your ears, I’m apologizing anyway. You are and will always be protected by what I felt that day, in that moment. After all, I’m a mother. I’m your mother. It’s my job to protect you.
Admitting something I’m deeply ashamed of isn’t easy. Even your father doesn’t know this. How could I tell him? He didn’t share my feeling. He didn’t share my fear. I didn’t want to look less in his eyes or risk losing a piece of his heart. But, this isn’t about him. It’s about you and me.
TO READ THE REST, GO TO: Mom Apologizes to Son with Down’s Syndrome
Need some motivation to get your pitiful, sorry, “I should be dead for what I did to you”, thoughts out?
Now go apologize at An Open Apology. You know you fucked up! Go make it right.
Apparently, Twindaddy isn’t doing such a hot job of hiding his crack addiction. How do I know? Well……He gave me the ABC Award. That’s how. Awesome Blog Content! Seriously?
Clearly, only a crack addict would think such nonsense. But hey……..You gotta be loved by somebody, right??!!??
Per this award, one has to list (by alphabet) things that are relevant to them. I’m sure I’m supposed to pass this on to others, but I suck at getting awards now.
In the beginning of blogging, I was all like: “OMG! How do I get one of those awards?” and then it was like “OMG! Someone gave me an award. I’m going to put out a rocking post to thank them and pay it forward.” and then it became “OMFG!!! I can’t keep up with this shit. I can barely get my brain to put out a semi-shitless post, let alone another acceptance piece.” and now it’s like “Thank the fucking lord everyone knows I’m a slackass and they barely bother to read my stuff, let alone praise me for it.”
It’s not that I don’t appreciate the thought, but I’m a slacker with reciprocating. Kind of like some people with oral sex!
Please go to STUPHBLOG and read 26 Things to see who else his cracked-out self passed the award to.
So…..Before the intervention takes place, he gets cleans and takes this away from me, I better get on with the getting on. Here are the 26 things relevant to my life currently.
A: Avocados (Great!)
B: Bacon (I wish I could eat it 24/7.)
C: Cute One (He rocks!)
D: Divorce (1. Great babysitter. 2. Great therapy. 3. Great weight loss plan.)
E: Evenings (Things finally settle down and I can relax.)
F: Friends (Enough said!)
G: God (Shocking, but true!)
H: Hubby (We’re forever, like herpes.)
I: Intercourse (…with hubby)
J: Java (IV please!)
K: Karma (It’s a bitch! I watch it in others like a train wreck.)
L: Laughter (It’s like breathing.)
M: Mysteries (books, shows or movies.)
N: Narcissists (Entertaining poison we can’t eradicate, yet.)
O: Orgasms (Note the “s” at the end. I love my husband.)
P: Poetry (Word Therapy)
Q: Quality (My absolute favorite word….meaning and sound.)
R: Randomness (The kids keep me guessing and on my toes.)
S: Strength Training (My weekly routine I can’t do without.)
T: Things 1, 2 and 3 (Tax deductions!)
U: United States (Well….I live in it and it’s pretty cool mostly.)
V: Vacation (Two days from now, I’ll be cruising.)
W: Writing (Love, love, love it, even if I don’t always do it.)
X: XM Radio (My music. My way.)
Y: You (Yeah you. Thanks for reading this.)
Z: Zoo…..I live in one.
So…..Those are my relevant things. I don’t know if I shocked or amazed you, but I did hold you hostage for a bit, and that’s pretty cool.
Sorry about not passing this on, but I’ve never been good at sharing the bottle. Please give this award to yourself! We can change the meaning to Absolute Blog Crazy if you like mine. Guilty pleasure or your version of a train wreck? I don’t care, as long as you’re here.
And……Sorry for being a selfish blog lover. I promise to reciprocate. I just want to make sure I’m able to properly swallow all of the words first. It would be humiliating to choke on them.
43 IS AWESOME:
I’m stronger than ever.
My face is holding up (Just don’t look at my hands).
My body isn’t due for an overhaul yet.
I’m fairly certain my mind is in tact.
My words are just as devastating and magical, if not more.
My four kids like me without resorting to bribes….yet.
My husband hasn’t had the itch to bump private parts with anyone else.
I don’t wear mom jeans.
My ass isn’t fat, flat or in need of stick removal.
My breasts still stay up on their own. AND……yes, they’re mine. I have the receipt to prove it.
I have hot flashes, but only in the bedroom.
My friends are the most incredible, genuine, nontoxic bitches around.
My blog buddies still love me, even though I have abandoned them recently. (I left breadcrumbs my darlings!)
I’m mature enough to not have to cover my ass…no need to lie or hide.
I’m secure enough to not give a shit about bullshit.
I’m smart enough to see right through games and false smiles.
I’m nice enough to tolerate those who are intolerable, for the sake of a cause.
Beer and chips are still my friends since I’m working out.
My sense of humor has not left me.
With all its ups, downs, and perfect imperfections, life is amazing. I can’t wait to see what crazy nonsense this year brings for me to hurdle over.
One thing is certain, I will persevere and laugh my way through it all.
If my sticktoitiveness makes you cry along the way, well…..I’m sorry, but this is my life party and I can’t stop to wipe tears.