How many times have we heard “It’s not you. It’s me.” in movies or real life? AND………Then it wraps up with the line about being friends. BUT………..What if being friendly is the problem?
How about we switch it around. It is the other person and fuck forget being friends. I’m not talking about romantic relationships here. I’m referring to other types of relationships. Romantic breakups are the most common, but friends, neighbors, co-workers and even family members breakup with one another. Just because you’re family, go to the same church, work together, live on the same street or have people in common, that doesn’t mean it’s meant to be for the two of you. AND………..Those breakups can be messier and more emotional than the romantic ones. I think most people are just too sensitive to not being liked by all. BUT……..We, as a society have been fed a lot of crap along the way.
Why is it so difficult to break away from these relationships? It’s because we’ve heard cookie cutter one liners all our lives, encouraging us to muddle through, even if we can’t stand one another. Such as:
- Blood is thicker than water.
- Family is forever.
- Be neighborly.
- It’s important to work together.
- Kiss and make-up.
- Let’s all be friends.
- Say you’re sorry and go back to being friends.
- Can’t we all just get along? (for the new generations)
AND……What makes it worse, are the dumbasses that believe and utilize the following:
- Express yourself.
- Tell them how you feel.
- Don’t hold back.
- You got something to say. Say it to my face. (maturity at it’s best)
- You’ll feel better when you vent.
- Honesty is the best policy.
I think it’s all total crap. We feel trapped into having relationships we don’t want. Then, we feel guilty if we don’t continue them. AND………When things go astray for whatever reason, the opening up stuff begins. Bullshit! If you have a relationship worth salvaging, then go for it with manners and intellect, but most people take the opening up advice wrong. They say things only a drunken mental patient should say. AND NOW………….Texting, Facebook and other media outlets, have provided ways for people to be complete idiots. I’m not a licensed therapist. Hell, I’m not even an unlicensed one, but I’ll put in my two cents worth anyway.
- Vent to yourself until you’ve gotten all the rude bullshit out. Then, no one will be the wiser and you can carryon with life. Remember: You can’t take it back!
- Don’t bother others with stuff they don’t need to hear. Only a Jerry Springer guest would put up with cursing or cut downs and still want to have some type of relationship.
- Once you’ve made an ass out of yourself, you could extend an olive branch. If no one reaches for it, then have some dignity and walk away. Afterall, you know what you did. Let’s not add stalking to the list.
The best quote I’ve ever heard is from 1942. It allows for good manners, but doesn’t deny true feelings.
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all. ”
― Thumper
Personally, I think the people you surround yourself with, says a lot. It’s an indication of who you are and how you want to live. If there are people in your life that:
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hold you back
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cause drama
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are negative
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drain you emotionally (suffocate you)
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bring nothing to the table (add no value)
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go against your values
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interfere with your personal/work life
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BIG RED FLAG: Cause you to cry, feel anxiety or get nausea when you encounter them…….
……..then “Thumper” them and hop away.
Having both been the asshat, and having divested myself of asshats, YUP.
You, an asshat? I don’t believe it.
Sometimes deliberately! (but only in special cases.)
I am not against that way of thinking.
Makes good sense to me. I fast from folk, mostly family. Certain folk can be too much for me sometimes. Like, so extra and unnecessarily so. Other folk, I just delete them. Not with anger or nothing. I just move on and give them their space so I can have mine, peacefully.
Fasting sounds like a great way to describe it. Once upon a time, I felt guilty cutting family off, but now that I have………peaceful living.
I know you said recently that you weren’t going to blog as often, and I admit that it made me a little sad, even though I totally understand and appreciate your reasons. That said, you should know that I get a HUGE smile on my face when I see a new blog in my inbox. You’re worth reading, Lorre. You have a way of getting straight to the heart of the matter, in an honest and real way, and that’s rare. With this one, you hit the ball right out of the park. “Thumper them and hop away” is fairly brilliant. Thanks.
I thought so.
Words to live by. I couldn’t agree with you more. There are a few people (yes, some family) that I wish I could walk away from. Hopefully, one of these days I will put on my big girl panties and just do it. By the way, I agree with “dee”.
Sometimes it is hard to wade through all the sarcasm, but I know you are sincere and I appreciate the compliment.
I saw something about putting on big girl panties the other day and it referred to correcting someone telling them they had on pullups instead. You’ll get there Michelle…..all in due time.
Well said, Lorre. It’s all about self preservation. Keep writing – you have a gift.
Oh my goodness. Thanks so much for saying so. I”m glad you liked the post and it is totally about self preservation.
Lorre, well said. I’ll say it again too. Whack’em and stack’em, let God sort them out when they start to smell. Who needs idiots in our lives? Move’em out! Get real friends. Get something meaningful out of relationships, or why bother to have them? That goes for family too. Idiots are idiots, period. Why waste time on them? Kudos, kid….
As usual, thanks again. The older I get, the less time I have to waste on such nonsense. It sounds like you are on board with that too.
Easier said than done. Well said never the less.
I totally agree. It took me decades with a few, and years/months with others. I hope I’m done cleaning out the dysfunction.
Well said!
Thank you kind sir.
Over the years I have divested myself of many people, including family members. In some cases it is simply extended vacations in others it is permanent leaves of absence. I learned some people do not deserve our continued attention.
Walking away is neither difficult or painful. Explaining to others sometimes is, when the persist in demanding a reason, they often land on the island also.
Great read!
Thanks….and I love the way you think. Extended vacations and permanent leaves of absence are both brilliant.
Tough topic. I’m especially aghast lately with how openly attacking some people are regarding political views. I can’t recall a time in my life when this has been more dividing and vehement. Coming between brothers and sisters and so on. Maybe it must be so.
Some divisions make a lot of sense and some are just plain foolish, but it is what it is.
I try to do (and advise if asked) the vent to myself thing. People don’t really need to know how I deal with stuff, they should just be grateful I do deal before speaking (most of the time). Setting and maintaining boundaries helps a bit too. I don’t think it’s dishonest not to spew out everything you think. It’s kind??? Angie
I totally agree. Soooooo many people just don’t get that. I guess not everyone can be as smart as us. Whoops! Was that outloud or to myself?