Articles of Absurdity

Let’s get started on today’s lesson students. Pencils down and eyes up front.

Definition of HYPOCRITE

1: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion

2: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hypocrite)

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After talking with others and pulling from my own experiences, it seems clear that hypocrites are actually quite easy to spot if you put your mind forward and tell your naïve heart to take a nap.

Where do they hide? The answer is they don’t. Hypocrites love being seen and heard. They are usually the most vocal and most social out of any human species. Not unlike children dressing up for Halloween, hypocrites use many tools to mask who they are. It’s a survival mechanism if you will, and a way to convince others, and perhaps themselves, that they are better than they are.

The most popular hangouts for hypocrites are church and political arenas. Be on high alert when entering either realm. BUT…..they don’t simply congregate in those places. You will find them in places that promote a high level of human interaction. They do not shy away from the public eye, which is no longer limited to television, due to the popularity of social media. This has become the latest and greatest stomping ground of the hypocrite. They are also people collectors. Now, this doesn’t mean they have a lot of close friends or companions. It just means, they have a wider audience to spin their web with. The more fish in the barrel, the more likely you’re going to catch something.

Besides the church and political system, keep an eye and ear out in these areas: school system, sales, healthcare, beauty salons, public do-gooders, social media sites (especially dating), bars, and families (spouses and outspoken relatives), with reunions being a hotspot for hypocrisy.

Idioms that come to mind:

• “protest too much”
• “Actions speak louder than words.”
• “Do as I say, not as I do.”

Hypocrites preach loudly and often about what is deemed acceptable behavior. They “protest too much”, which is a tool to mask their true nature. Always know that anyone can throw words at you, but “actions speak louder” and are the true indicator of the person. These things go hand in hand. Examples:

• Cheaters usually voice their opinions the most about loyalty. They are also the most jealous in a relationship. They are more passionate about it than most, yet are usually the ones secretly cheating. 
• Individuals who strongly portray themselves as true/great Christians, are usually the first ones to cast judgment and to treat people in a way that God would frown upon.
• Politicians want your vote based on their honesty and family values. After, they go home to their secret significant other and even love children. Oh yeah. They pay for this hidden secret by skimming the “money” pot.
• Money grubbers hate being screwed over financially and bitch often that someone owes them money and how dare they: go out to dinner, buy an appliance or get their hair done, when that money is owed to them. Yet, these same people value money so much, they have no problem holding on to yours instead of doing the right thing.
• Fakers, who put on their dating site that they are athletic and enjoy outdoor activities, but what they really mean is: they run from the law. Literally, they run on foot and are outdoors. Perhaps that’s just an omission though??!!??
• Sad socials, who send Christmas letters or Facebook updates on how blessed their life is and rub news of crazy vacations and having lots of money in people’s faces, but really, their life is pretty dysfunctional and they’re miserable. Complete omissions in this case would be preferable. You want to garnish sympathy if it becomes public, not pity because you are, indeed, “pathetic”.

If only a hypocrite would be honest and admit they don’t “do as they say”, then they wouldn’t be a hypocrite at all. They’d just be an honest asshole.

Tags: brutal honesty, Idiot says what?, lessons, life crap, you know this is what you were thinking