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Archive | 5:18 PM

Hair to the rescue.

3 Mar

The economy sucks and stay at home moms are feeling even more pressure to save money and earn money if possible. The good news is, the solution has been right under our noses this whole time. Not only has it been under our noses, but it’s been under our armpits and panties the entire time. That’s right. Let’s go natural and stop shaving to improve our way of living.

Think of the savings just by not shaving. You can save money on:

  • shaving cream
  • razors
  • waxing
  • electricity (He won’t want the lights on much longer.)
  • going out (Bagging Big Foot may be a twisted fantasy in the bedroom, but he’s going to be keeping you indoors sweetheart.)

 

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Think of other possibilities and further savings involved. Such as:

  • baby carrier (Pubic hair comes through a special “snatch patch” opening sewn into dresses.)
  • multi-purpose carrier (water bottles, groceries, coolers….Just make sure to use horse shampoo to strengthen and lengthen.)
  • dog leash
  • restraints/whips (Business or Pleasure)
  • bikini (This can be wrapped several ways for diversity.)

There are opportunities to start your own business. Check into:

  • towing business (Get some natural girls like you together to pull that car out of a ditch. NO expensive equipment or truck is needed.)
  • fetish business (Set up a website for all those freaks, who love their women hairy.)
  • dog walking business

Don’t think you can’t make a statement or show your beauty. Try:

  • forming dreadlocks
  • adding bows/ribbons
  • braiding
  • extensions (This could also add to your income earning potential.)
  • color it
  • perm it

Come on ladies. Start growing your hair out and create a new glorious life for yourself and your families. You won’t regret it until you realize, he’ll dump your ass if you don’t start shaving and then…..think positive thoughts ladies:

DIVORCE

(another money-making venture if you play your cards right)

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Tag. I’m it!

3 Mar

I’ve been tagged by three fellow bloggers for “Tag, you’re it.” Now, I haven’t been tagged in a bad way, unlike the possibilities in my previous post (TAG). This is a game of questions and here’s how it works.

Post the rules, which are:

Answer taggers 11 questions and post to your blog. Also, link the tagger. (yes)

Come up with 11 new questions to give 11 new people. Post the questions and link those bloggers. (no, later)

Let them know on their blog that they’ve been tagged. (see above)

Janice tagged me: http://auroramorealist.wordpress.com/2012/02/21/tag/

Her questions:

1. If there was one thing you could tell people about you that might surprise them, what would it be? It’s a secret.

2. If you were given another chance at life, to come back as anything or anyone you want, who or what would you choose and why? I would stay the same, but with better looks and more money in my bank account.  I can’t imagine giving anyone up in my life now.

3. Have you ever known true love and how did you know? I’m in it now. Because I want to kill him sometimes, but something holds me back. It must be love.

4. Where would you most like to live? In the realm of sanity.

5. What is your favorite thing in the world to do? Go to little shops and find unique treasures that no one else wants.

6. What one thing do you wish you did when you had the chance? Saved 100% of my divorce settlement and invested it.

7. Describe yourself in three words. Sarcastic, witty, creative

8. What kind of books do you read? Ha! Who has time to read?!?

9. If a stranger knocked on your door and asked for food or shelter, what would you do? Ignore them because if they go to my house and not my neighbors, who have a less treacherous driveway, then they want to kill me.

10. Which of your creative outlets do you enjoy most and why? Singing. It increases my endorphinem levels.

11. Are you glad or ticked off that I tagged you? The jury hasn’t come back with the verdict yet.

Daphnée tagged me: http://evilnymphstuff.wordpress.com/2012/03/01/to-be-or-not-to-be-tagged-crazy-game-going-around-wordpress/#comment-18345

Her questions:

1. When is the one and only moment when you can totally feel blissful? In the shower. It’s all about me. No cooking, cleaning or kids.

2. Are you a social media/internet addict? No. I find it all rather time-sucking.

3. Tell me your favorite dessert. Chocolate mousse

4. Your lifetime passion? Writing

5. What motivates you to blog? To write: myself……To blog: my audience

6. Introvert or extrovert? According to you, do you find this trait of you advantageous or disadvantageous? I’m right in the middle, depending on the situation or activity. Sometimes I’m a bit too “extroverted” with my words.

7. Are you a planner or do you do everything at random? I hate flying by the seat of my pants. It drives my internal clock crazy. I try to plan.

8. What do you hate the most about you? Sensitivity

9. What do you prefer the most about you? Humor

10. When I say ‘Change’ what’s the first thing that comes into your mind? Change the sheets.

11. Please, before you go, tell us a favorite advice of yours. If you don’t like it,  move on.

Elyse tagged me: http://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2012/02/25/the-slow-kid-gets-it-again/ It was optional for any reader, but she mentioned me by name and said I probably wouldn’t do it…..so I had to.

Here are her questions:

  1. What color best describes you? Red
  2. Dogs or cats? Depends…..do they pee in the house?
  3. Favorite Broadway Show: Cats
  4. First TV crush — and does he/she resemble your significant other? Shaun Cassidy. No. My hubby doesn’t have that much hair.
  5. M*A*S*H or Mary Tyler Moore Show? Mary
  6. Favorite romantic dinner? Anything out without children.
  7. First childhood memory? Hiding under the dining table eating ice cream before dinner. If my dad found me I would’ve gotten the belt.
  8. Plot summary of your first novel? Someone was going to die.
  9. Are you punny? Yes
  10. What will you do when you win the lottery? Pay off all debt. Put money in the bank for the kid’s college. Then……I don’t know.
  11. Tell me about a brush with fame. My purple brush is pretty famous. It’s always missing because everyone in the house wants to use it.

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TAG: The new four letter word or the only word you’ll ever need?

3 Mar

SO……There’s something new going around the blogosphere, which I’m sure many of you are already aware of. It’s a new game of sorts called “Tag, you’re it.” It seems innocent enough, but for kicks, I looked in the Urban Dictionary for definitions of TAG. Big mistake!

  • Krxcial says it means: Mentally retarded human being who tries to rape others
  • Julia in down town Denver says: to have sex or fuck
  • Taylorgio Armani: a unique person who likes grapes and ribs
  • jackb1211: to shoot someone with a gun
  • Creative black guy 43: to shoot a girl’s vagina with a nerf gun (stick dart) and leave a mark
  • Astroboy: masturbation
  • Jakestar: a quick, sharp blow to the scrotum
  • Agbujale&Stone: to cut or fuck up
  • suks: a communist whose sole purpose in life is to find cheaper and better vodka
  • Il Piu Lucroso: not cool
  • parkmybus: to insert a thumb in a woman’s ass
  • Watashi: to punch someone
  • Amber: ass or butt

Okay……So let me get this straight. If I’m in with the streetwise slang slinger’s who came up with this shit and had this story to tell:

Boris was truly a unique guy. He loved grapes and ribs while masturbating. Sometimes it was lonely. People saw him only as a communist whose sole purpose in life was to find cheaper and better vodka. No one saw him as a real man.

Boris wanted to prove everyone wrong by doing something manly. He could punch someone, or better yet, shoot someone with a gun. Then he remembered he didn’t own a firearm. So he thought he could find a girl to have sex with. If not, perhaps a girl whose vagina he could shoot with a Nerf gun and leave a mark .

Boris set out to find this special someone. He approached a young woman and asked if he could insert his thumb up her ass or butt. She gave him a quick, sharp blow to the scrotum and told him to back off or she’d cut him and fuck him up.

“That’s not cool”, said Boris.

The girl replied, “What are you, some mentally retarded human being who tries to rape others?”

It would be rewritten by the new voice of America per Urban Dictionary as:

Boris was a tag, who tagged. Sometimes it was lonely. People saw him as a tag. No one saw him as a real man.

Boris wanted to prove everyone wrong by doing something manly. He could tag someone, or better yet, tag someone. Then he remembered he didn’t own a firearm. So he thought he could find a girl to tag. If not, perhaps a girl to tag.

Boris set out to find this special someone. he approached a young woman and asked if he could tag her or tag. She have him a tag and told him to back off or she’d tag him.

“Tag”, said Boris.

The girl replied, “What are you, tag?”

Okay folks, that’s a look at what idiots pass off as street slang. I’m all for saying things in a more concise way, but What the TAG?!!?

 

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