Top Celebrity News:
Angelina and Brad
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are very upset and concerned about the “Occupy” protests that are still going on all around the world. They hate being known as Mr. and Mrs. 1% and vowed to become a part of the 99%.
Together, they have adopted 3 children. They will continue to adopt children from impoverished lands until they have 96 more kids. 99 adopted children, who grew up with nothing, should put them in the 99% and with the huge tax deductions they will claim for having such a large family…they hope to get money back.
Michael Moore will be following the power couple for his new, yet controversial documentary, Womb Raider.
Sacagawea and JFK Hanging Out
The police have decided to reopen the Natalie Wood case. The death of the actress in 1981, was ruled as an accidental drowning. New information has been brought to light, leading to a new investigation.
JFK stopped golfing in heaven to demand some fucking justice for himself. He understands that West Side Story was pretty decent and he gave Natalie props once she joined him in the big sky. BUT….he was the damn President of the United States! Movies and books about his death are super entertaining, but how about we pretend we didn’t pin it all on Harvey and keep on digging? JFK admits that he has been cranky since Jackie showed up and banned him from sleeping with Natalie, but still……………………….
Sacagawea has also decided that she would like an investigation into her death. She is pretty pissed about all the smack talk going around that she left her husband for another man, had a family and lived to 123. Who does that? AND…….Her husband was very abusive and controlling. Died at 24 from some “putrid fever” my ass. Lewis and Clark don’t know shit.
Dolly and Her Twins
Dolly Parton was arrested for failure to appear in court after piling up tickets for various traffic violations.
1. Driving under the influence of plastic surgery.
2. Driving with an obstructed view, due to her heavy-handed eye makeup.
3. Driving while her “double front” airbags were deployed.