He’s not my friend. He’s my husband


Disclaimer: If you and your spouse are besties, you may be offended by this.  Too fucking bad. 

I  hear a lot of people say their spouse is their best friend. On Facebook, there are a myriad of posts announcing “On this day blah, blah years ago, I married my best friend.” I just can’t relate. First of all, I’m not twelve anymore. I can’t afford to have only one best friend. My friends have spouses, kids, jobs and other friends. I’d be very lonely if I waited for my one best friend to be available………and quite frankly……..a bit pathetic and needy. Can we say Single White Female? (Look it up if you don’t get the reference.) I have several really great friends. I don’t live in the right state to be married to more than one of them. So I’m out on legality alone.

Let’s get down to it. None of my great friends have penises. Some of them carry their spouses balls around from time to time, but that’s it. After my own experiences with guys I thought were my best friends, I realize that a true-best friendship between men and women is really not possible (sexual tension is a bummer). I know someone will disagree with that, but I’m here to tell you….”I’m right and you’re wrong.” The exception would be if one is a homosexual. So at this point, my husband has a penis and is absolutely not a homosexual. So far, the friend thing is looking bleak.

Vacations with friends can be great. I’m still friends with the ones I’ve traveled with. We returned to our corners. My friends would agree. They don’t want to live with me either. Needless to say, my husband and I go on vacation with friends to get away from each other. Plus, we can’t afford more than one house and who’d be stuck with the kids? Friends also share clothing, shoes and jewelry. I wouldn’t be married to a man I could do this with. And the tampon thing………. total deal breaker if he had his own supply.

When I need to vent about married life, I bitch with my best friends. That so would not work if that person was my husband. I think I know whose fucking side he’d be on. My friends are great. They tell it like it is and give me their unbiased opinions about crap. My husband needs to tell me what I want to hear and give me my opinion. I’m his damn wife. He better be biased. Friends also show an interest in your stuff, or at least pretend to. We aren’t dating anymore. I don’t give a crap about his high score on XBox and he doesn’t give a shit about my recent decoupage project.

I enjoy my friendships because I have a husband to come home to. I enjoy my husband because I have great friends to be myself with. The bottom line is: I can never be friends with my spouse. There are too many factors working against us. Besides, I don’t have sex with my friends and I’m not willing to trade the best fucking, non-love making, mind-blowing sex of my life for friendship. We’re married. Isn’t that good enough!??!!

22 thoughts on “He’s not my friend. He’s my husband

  1. Someone once told me “men and women can’t be friends.” HE further explained that one or the other is hanging in there hoping for something more. I didn’t believe it as my “best friend” was a man. Funny thing . . . I got a boyfriend and the best friend doesn’t even answer my e-mails anymore. Go figure.

    I have since developed close friendships with a couple of very special women and I gotta say, I make a lot of sense here.

    • Same thing. Best friend in college and after….that is…until I got married and came back to my hometown. He said he couldn’t be friends with someone who has so much potential and wastes it. My current husband said it was really about sex.

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  4. Interesting post. I always imagined my life partner becoming my best friend. I have very close female friends and one close male friend (who is just like a brother – strictly platonic and no sexual tension and no he’s not gay! LOL). I guess I look at girlfriends as being the ones I can have girly fun with (not to bitch about my partner to but maybe just ask advice from). I must be weird! I reserve the BESTEST friend role for my partner (hubby) when I find him.

    • And you should……I guess for us it’s a joke. We joke a lot and we don’t really use that label since prior to marraige friendship for us was all about friends without benefits. It’s just our way of saying we are so much more. BUT……Just our way of looking at it, not something we think everyone should think.
      Of my gosh……I was serious for too long…..I think I’m going to combust.

  5. I’m really glad to read this. I have been married for 16 years and have struggled with this “husband = best friend” concept for years. I am married to a man who throughout our marriage has often been away from home because of military/work obligations (months at a time, sometimes years) and I have made the mistake of not fully developing my own life out of an absurd attachment to this false understanding of marriage, which is frankly impossible to have with someone often deployed overseas. I have girlfriends, but these relationships are not as deep as they could be because I have been wrongly keeping the innermost part of myself for my husband, which is crazy, since I do not have the opportunity to share that part of me with him as he is mostly never here. When he is home, life is too busy vacationing or spending time with the kids for there to be any real exchange of dreams, hopes, fears, etc that deep friendship requires. I have recently reached this epiphany (literally within the last 24 hours), and as painful as it is for me to accept it, I know that this is the healthiest thing for me. Anything else would be an exercise in futility. No one person can be everything to you…this is unreasonable for the reasons you pointed out in your post. My husband is not my friend, and i am learning to accept that this is ok. He is my lover, and from now on, that will have to be good enough for me.

    • And….think how boring life would be with only one person to do and share everything with, not to mention exhausting, since you would have to be the same for him. Thanks for stopping by and enjoying the post.

      • Not everyone who marries their best friend thinks they want to do each and everything with that person and no one else. I dont think I tell each and everything I think or do to any one person. Not even my best friends. There is stuff i discuss with one person and other stuff I discuss with another. I might tell my best friend more than other people but I don’t feel like telling them everything!!! Or doing everything with them. They don’t replace everyone else. I would like my husband to be my best friend but I can’t imagine not having other friends to do stuff with! This seems to be suggesting marrying your best friend means a straight woman marrying another woman just because they are best friends! It’s ridiculous!!

      • Also you seem to be annoyed about people marrying their best friend. Why do you care how someone else met their spouse!? :-/

        • Again….How you come to that conclusion is perplexing and way to serious for the crowd I cater to. If you knew me, which you do not, you would know I don’t care about such nonsense, especially things that don’t involve me.
          I’m sorry you can’t enjoy humor, for whatever reason. This probably isn’t the blog for you to be reading if you are so super serious. But….Thanks for stopping by this one time.

          • Ok. I get that this was supposed to be funny. But just because I don’t enjoy your sense of humour doesn’t mean I can enjoy it at all. And reading this comment of yours, I think I am not the only one that’s serious here. Sorry you get annoyed too quickly. Bye.

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