Born Into Darkness


Born into darkness

Chaotic DNA

The storm

She’s my mother

My father

Faraway

No light to follow

Just broken glass

Creeping

Toes tipped

The nightmares

Get past

Tracker disabled

To no avail

Something

It’s pulling

The ripcord

It failed

So utterly true

Undeniably stuck

The connection

Too long

Who knows

Just dumb luck

Then the blindness

Pounds repetition

If not now

When

Escape

This condition

…..Can’t stay to seek

…..Their fleeting permission

Born into darkness

Chaotic DNA

The storm

She’s my mother

My father

Faraway

Let’s read a good book together.


Listen…….Anyone who really knows me, knows it’s been a long time since I’ve read a book. A cookbook, checkbook, book of matches…….well……those “books” are about all I’ve been able to handle lately.

BUT……..

Sometimes you see something that makes you want to take the time. And….A friend brought this to my attention and I’m happy to share.

I know I’ve got book lovers out there. I see you. Yes you! BUT……This isn’t just about loving books. Are you a lover of heartfelt moments, inspiring tales, and gut wrenching- drag you in stories? Do you want to get caught up in someone’s struggle to overcome and survive while rooting for them all the way?   Well…..Watch this trailer and decide for yourself. It certainly makes me want to be a part of this story, even if it’s only as a reader.

 

It’s said: You can’t judge a book by its cover, but I’ve never heard anything about the trailer! Go to Amazon to check out In Harlem’s Way.

 

 

 

 

 

Throwback Thursday? How about Bludgeon Thursday instead?


In honor of Throwback Thursday, I thought I’d throw back a few old posts.

How many you ask?

245

As many of you already know, all of my original posts were temporarily removed in order to wipe my blog slate clean for my public declaration regarding my walk with Christ. Temporarily removing my work was merely a way to eliminate any distractions from new readers.

With that being said……I prayed about it. Agree or not, I’ve put back all my original work. There is no editing of content in posts or comments.

There are many reasons for just slapping everything back up as is.

  1. Editing? Ain’t nobody got time for that. With 245 posts? What a waste of valuable time! It would literally be my life’s work. An unknown’s comfort level is not worth my children starving and my hygiene hitting rock bottom.
  2. It’s all me.  I am not ashamed of me. I’m not ashamed of me in the past, present or well……the future would be a hard one to put in here. I am who I am today because of who I was yesterday and all those other days too. Pretending it didn’t exist in writing because of curse words, brutal honesty or sexual innuendos would be denying a history. If you forget where you’ve been, how do you know if you’ve gone anywhere?
  3. I keep everything I write. It’s like keeping old photographs. It’s how I express myself and it’s all relevant to me.
  4. If I am going to be judged for this decision, it won’t be by you, or you, or you. I say that with the utmost respect.

Now….I’m sorry, but I didn’t go through the posts to see which ones contained a PG versus a PG-14 rating, or which ones had strong language.

SOLUTION:

I suggest you use caution when navigating….or….make the choice to stay with the new stuff. I can’t be responsible for any stumbling or falling off the wagon that might take place. Although, I don’t think I have that type of influence. And.I can’t apologize to people who decide to explore my previous content and then get offended or displeased about anything. My blog was born out of self-expression. It thrived on absurdity, humor, sarcasm, brutal honesty and full-blown emotional venting.  It’s an evolution of my mind. Kind of like an episode of hoarders, but with words instead of a collection of old papers, electronics and old McDonald’s toys.

IN A NUTSHELL:

PAST/PRESENT/FUTURE - I stand by my content, although not everyone will always love my approach. I will continue to be honest and direct and because I am flawed, I will continue with the personal TMI. Keeping it real people. Keeping it real.

I thought: “If this is being a Christian, then no thanks.”


For years, I refused to accept Jesus Christ because of the preaching I was exposed to. And because of this, I mistakenly thought: “Being a Christian really sucks!” I didn’t want to join that club.That church was to my spiritual growth as weed killer is to a rose bush. I know what you’re thinking. “Why continue if you felt it was so bad?”

1. I wanted to find Christ.

    • I mistakenly looked outward for this. Don’t do that! You’d think a church would be a safe place to find Christ. Not necessarily so!
    • Jesus isn’t holding his breath at church waiting for you. And….He’s not lost.

2. I attended “that place” because of personal ties.

  • I was a teenager. It was completely boy driven. Again…..Don’t do that!

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Now……I didn’t need to be an adult, or a Bible reading- professed Christian to know things were a bit off. Here are some examples of personal beliefs/convictions that were imposed as absolute truth in the church I attended. OR……As I like to call it: How To Get a Teenager to Rebel Against God

  • People engaging in sinful behavior deserve to get sick and/or die.

This made me think: I thought you went strictly by the Bible? Aren’t all sins equal? If I gossip, then I should die? Goodbye all school-aged children and people living in the suburbs.  Oh yeah….Isn’t that a bit judgmental and non-Christian. Just saying.

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What ? I took a $1.00 from mom’s purse!

  • Rapists and murderers have a place in heaven if they get saved on their death bed.

I’m thinking: Why bother with this church thing then? Okay…..I can wrap my brain around the fact that you need to accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior to get into heaven, but……it can’t be that easy. There is no way you can led a horrible, sinful life, and then pull a Hail Mary on your death bed. I’m fairly certain that’s not what living in the spirit of Christ means. If that person is sincere, God will deal with them. That’s why there’s judgment and not just a stamp on your hand  or a glow in the dark wrist band saying you’re admitted.

  • True Christian women shouldn’t wear pants, have short hair, or look too nice.

PLEASE!!!! Unless someone proves there was a Target or Macy’s on hand back in biblical times…..Well….I hate to break it to you, people were a tad limited with their wardrobe selections.  If God was truly concerned about fashion statements, he would have never allowed parachute pants or prairie shirts to be created. Let’s face it. We are really talking about common sense and decency here. Did you bathe? Is your left breast hanging out of your blouse? Are you wearing pull-away pants out in public? If so…..why? There is nothing wrong with looking nice or expressing your sense of style through your appearance. It’s about not putting vanity first. It’s about not trying to draw special attention to yourself through those means. And don’t get me started on women tempting men with their scandalous garments. I’ve seen men drool over women in sweatpants and hoodies.

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Okay…..Blah, blah, blah…Stay awake!.

 

  • Dancing is a sin.

Okay…….This isn’t Footloose people. Twerking is not dancing.

  • Get saved or burn in HELL!

Fear-Driven Christianity: What a winner! You can’t become “saved” and then live how you like because you’ve got your free pass. If this is how it worked, then no one would need or desire  church, fellowship, the Bible or anything resembling Christianity. We would just go to the nearest drive-thru window and order our salvation from the religious menu at the nearest Jesus Juice, Papa John the Baptiste or Burger King of Israel. What a load! After getting your driver’s license, you can’t drive however you like. There are laws. When you get married, you’re supposed to be MARRIED, meaning no longer single. When you get saved, you’re supposed to try to live in the spirit and walk with Christ. Walk the walk, not just talk the talk.

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Dude. Did you want your salvation now or after Spring Break?

In the end, I realized I didn’t have to be “scared-straight” to accept Jesus Christ or remain terrified to live in the Christian faith. Choices should not be fear-driven. If it’s based on fear, is it really a choice? Christianity is about faith, trust and love. If my only thought was: “Am I in the Heaven Club or not?”, then I wouldn’t be living my life in Christ or be glorifying God. I’d be too paralyzed in fear. No. I’m never going to be perfect. BUT…..If I am truly trying to live in the spirit, then I shouldn’t be scared about my salvation or anything else. Well…..perhaps I’d be scared about Members Only jackets coming back. Are there any members left? Anyone? Anyone?

 

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I don’t


I don’t dare -

Feel like this will never end

All the pain….

All the hurt….

Despite the will to bend

I don’t think -

Time will ever change

That way….

That look….

The cards are all arranged

I don’t know -

The path that this will take

What length…

What light….

Will magnify mistakes

I don’t need -

To go back to that place

For you….

For them….

So your pain can be erased

I don’t care -

If it all comes tumbling down

To prove….

To show….

There’s no way to get around

I don’t try -

To pretend it’s all okay

All the pain….

All the hurt…..

Will make me stronger every day

It’s not you. It’s me.


(No apologies for length. I haven’t written this effortlessly in a long time. I’m enjoying the flow. “No sorry for you!”)

ANYWAY…..I hope everyone’s recovered from my post the other day. I heard 911 calls went up about 45%. Sorry for the shock.! I know. I know. I deviated from the norm on this blog, but only a little with a bit of a lot mixed in. I’ve always been a “tell it like it is” kind of person, so I just told it like it was. My walk with Christ has been on my mind and I thought I’d give it a shout out. I’m not trying to be preachy or tell you how to live. This is about me. If you get something out of this for yourself, then great. If you don’t, then you stopped by for a read and that’s cool.

For those resistant to change, this isn’t going to become a Bible blog. There are a ton of those out there and they don’t need the competition. Although, The Unexpected Christian has a nice ring to it, or maybe The Wacky Witness.  I’ll let you know if we ever need to vote on a new name. In the meantime…….I’m sure things will be focused on and written about a bit differently due to the journey I’m embarking on. Who knows? I might talk about my “walk” each time I post. Maybe I’ll develop a spaghetti fetish or a fear of gravel and start writing about that. If that’s how it goes, then that’s how it goes.

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What’s going on here??!!

Make no mistake, this is still my blog. It will be filled with humor (….my opinion), variety and an unusual level of TMI regarding my personal experiences. What can I say? I like to share stories. Is that a crime?

In the end, I hope I don’t lose too many of you. I’d be naïve to think you’ll all stick around. Let’s face it, change doesn’t sit well with everyone. And no…..I’m not talking about coins. Although, pennies must be offensive because they can always be found lying around. No one wants them. So sad. Anyway……Change is scary and uncomfortable. For some reason, a lot of us just don’t handle it well. Perhaps if we switch the word change to improve(ments). Now that sounds easier to swallow, doesn’t it?

Let’s recap some improvements I’ve written about here:

  • ALCOHOL: Two years ago, I decided to cut my alcohol consumption. No one said: “You suck! You need to drink alcohol to be funny and have friends”. Instead, I was met with support and a lot of well-meaning jokes. Do I still consume alcoholic beverages? Yes. BUT……It’s no longer an every weekend, get together, “girl talk”, kids are out of school, “I had a bad day” or “I had a good day kind of thing”. And now…….I consume beer with a percentage of alcohol so low, a fly falls in and struggles to swim out just to call me a light-weight.

  • HEALTHIER LIVING: A little over a year ago, I decided to lose weight and get healthy. Again…….I never heard “Your big clothes are going to hate you. Stop trying to feel better.”  Like before, I was met with support and love. Do I still eat junk? Absolutely. Do I have a strict exercise regime that I stick to weekly? No. BUT……I went from a size 16 to an 8 in one year. Quite an improvement for me.

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NOW: I’m on a journey with Christ to improve my life. I’m not aiming for perfection, just better. Like the drinking and the healthy living, it’s a lifestyle change. Got that? Lifestyle…..meaning FOR LIFE. See what I did there? I went from a little improvement to a change. That’s how it works people. You make improvements and it can’t help but lead to change. Unlike a new hairstyle or outfit, this is for keeps. The fact is, I’ve tried this Christian Coat on since I was a child. (Those dressing room mirrors really bite!) I finally bought it almost nine-years ago, but was too afraid to take off the tags. I JUST RIPPED THE TAGS OFF! No returns now.

Like my other journeys, I hope you support me in this. You don’t have to like it or even take the trip with me, but I hope you respect my decision and where it takes me. It brought me back to writing, and that works for me.

ALL SAILORS ARE WELCOME, EVEN PIRATES!!

My blog is born again and I’m gonna “walk the walk”.


WARNING: Wordy. BUT….It’s been a long time, so don’t you owe me?

Yep. I’m talking about this barren blog. For those of you who still pay attention on here, you’ll see that everything is gone. You can laugh uncomfortably, but don’t cry. Things have been crazy busy, but mostly in my head. Though that isn’t unusual, I’ve been struggling with this blog for awhile. Haven’t you heard? I’m evolving.

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Let me try to explain. Okay…..Here’s where I might lose some of you, literally and metaphorically.  Leaving breadcrumbs won’t help. I’ll just turn around and eat them.

Anyway…..I was in a “not so hot” marriage and traveling down the road of divorce in 2004. I thought to myself: “I need God! He’ll fix this.” (Not how it works by the way.) and began going to a church, which can only be described as a “ Kool-Aid Supplier”. I was too naive (…seriously) to realize most everyone had red punch stains around their lips. There I was, drowning in a sea of hypocrisy and mumbo jumbo. The lifeguards didn’t even know CPR. Still an idiot to all that was wrong there, I got saved in 2005. And….not from a plane crash, not from a near drowning and not from food poisoning. I got saved as in “accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior”. Are you still with me? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Beuller? Now…..It was sincere. I really accepted him, but the people who surrounded me at the time, were not the best supporting cast. If my memory serves, I was baptized on my 35th birthday. My “friends”  took me out on my birthday for food and drinks…….before the baptism. I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t have gone down like that. Also, they held posters up with some kind of encouraging words and got a bit rowdy. Really, it wasn’t America’s Got Religious Talent. I should’ve know then.

Let’s fast forward through the rest: I spent a lot of years struggling (…still am)  because the “mentors” I found weren’t quite legit. They were always around and were super friendly, but their values and morals didn’t match up. They were good at talking the talk, but they had a hard time walking the walk. Now…..I understand that no one is perfect. Everyone stumbles and falls, but let’s just say their catch phrase should’ve been “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” I finally left the brick and mortar behind, but it took me several more years to break from the flesh and bone influences. It’s not to say they influenced my decisions, but they influenced my mood, my spirit. and even my reaction to things when I was in their presence. I’ve said many times that you need to surround yourself with those who share the same values you do. And religion aside, the most basic values were not there. I finally broke free. It was painful and ugly, but I feel like I can breathe again……oxygen, not carbon dioxide.

SO……Let’s get to now and why my blog content has mysteriously disappeared. As far as people go, I think I’m pretty good. I have a good heart and I care about others….blah, blah, blah. BUT…..As a role model for my kids and to truly live my salvation, I could use some tweaking. For example: Cursing like a sailor (slight exaggeration) might not really be necessary. Finding new ways and words to express myself, could be challenging and fun.

It’s a New Year…..almost. It’s time to come clean. One of my resolutions is to “walk the walk”. And….This blog has to be a part of it. I’ve made all my posts private until I can go through them and repost with adjustments. My friend assures me I can “walk the walk” and still be my humorous self. Let’s see if she’s right. If I don’t walk quite right, I’ll blame it on my recent foot surgeries. Can I do that? Does it work that way?